Interpersonal tension 4 keys to handle it

Interpersonal tension is a phenomenon that usually creates a certain - or quite - discomfort. When we are in a situation with another person in which each one we think differently, On many occasions we yield as far as dissolving the tension that has been created. It also happens when someone asks us for a favor and we do not know how to tell him no, even if we are harmed. Interpersonal tension can appear for several causes and therefore it is healthy to know how we can handle it.

Throughout the article, four keys will be addressed to handle the interpersonal tension, three of them, offered from the University of Kioto. Without a doubt, it is an important phenomenon, since If we don't know how to carry this type of tension, you can take its toll, even stop living our own life in favor of fulfilling other people's expectations. Do we start? 

Content

• Drunk others
  • Boundaries
• 3 keys from the University of Kyoto
  • 1. Do what you do, they will criticize you
  • 2. Our decisions
  • 3. Fear of foreign opinions
• Interpersonal tension: a matter of psychological maturity
  • Bibliography

Drunk others

Many times Interpersonal tension comes from the expectations that others have. Imagine that they ask us for a favor and that, for various circumstances, we cannot do it. How many of us have favors despite giving up something we had to do just because we didn't know how to say no? It is possible that our environment knows that we are always willing to help but it cannot always be like this. Despite this, we give up.

Why do we yield? Maybe out of fear, perhaps for not receiving criticism or recrimination. That is, in the end we end up doing what others want without taking into account our priorities. Thus, We are fulfilling what others expect from us. But that has a price: to give up our own criteria. How many times have they insisted on leaving home without feeling? We can listen to phrases such as: "Come, come on, are you going to stay here all afternoon? If you don't come with me, I don't have anyone who to go ". And just at that time, guilt invades us.

Boundaries

The point is that that afternoon, for tiredness, because we are wrong or simply because we don't feel like it, we wanted to be at home. However, for not supporting the interpersonal tension that is generated with the other person we yield and leave. At this point, it is important. Well, what does it mean to tell us that we are boring? It means that person believes that we are bored, not that we are. That is, the other person has an expectation of us that "we must" meet even if our detriment.

Therefore, it is important to set limits and know that The accusations we can hear are nothing more than the expectations that others have. "I thought you were different," "I did not think you were to say that" ... all these statements are other people's expectations, that is, nothing to do with us. Therefore, if we begin to demolish expectations of others, all we will be doing is put healthy limits. If we are not accustomed, the first time we put a limit it can cost us a lot, it can even invade us the fault. That is why it is important to know that, or we live our life, or we live that of others.

3 keys from the University of Kyoto

In 2014, an investigation was carried out at the University of Kyoto on how to handle interpersonal tension in the best possible way. The author of the study, Tsukasa Kato, published the research article in the scientific journal Psychology Research and Behavior Management With the title of Coping With Interpersonal Stress and Psychological Distress AT Work: Comparison of Hospital Nursing Staff and Salespeople. Let's look at your conclusions.

1. Do what you do, they will criticize you

There is a small moral of an elderly couple and a donkey. In the first instance, if the old man goes up to the donkey and the woman is walking, people say "what decortes, ride in the poor donkey and also leave the woman who walks". In the second instance, if the old woman climbs into the donkey and the man walks, people say "what a faster woman, she rides in the poor donkey and lets her old husband go" walking ".

In the third instance, if both ride people, people say: "How cruel, what a way to exploit the donkey". And in the fourth instance, if they do not ride the donkey and walk, people say: "What fools, see that walking and can be mounted in the donkey". Moral: do whatever you do, they will criticize you. Therefore, although we put the best will in the world in an action, we must know in advance that we can receive criticism. We can go down in history for having won a Nobel Peace Prize that someone will criticize us. So it is important to be prepared to receive criticism.

2. Our decisions

It is important to know that the opinions of others are just that, opinions and not orders. That is why we must pay more attention to our decisions. The others can judge us: "I didn't expect that from you", but we can not identify with their comments. Again, it is essential to know that your comment comes from your expectation and that Our decision does not have to change to content others.

3. Fear of foreign opinions

Within the keys to reduce interpersonal tension, this can be one of the most complex. Almost since we are born they teach us to act in such a way that others think well of us. We are terrified that other people can be wrong about us. "If I say no, what will you think of me?". If we give power to the opinions of others, in the end, we will end up subject to them. If our personal worth depends on what others think, it will be very difficult to achieve a state of fullness. Therefore, it is important to learn to value ourselves regardless of what others think.

Interpersonal tension: a matter of psychological maturity

In short, Knowing how to deal with interpersonal tension is a matter of psychological maturity. If we are clear about the previous concepts, we will know how to give limits to others. It is important to clarify that putting limits is not synonymous with aggressiveness, but of an assertive process in which we know how to defend our rights without violence, bad words or aggressiveness. When we are independent at a psychological level, we are able to say that no, to reject a proposal and think in a concrete way without changing for not knowing how to endure the pressure.

Bibliography

• Kato, t. (2014). Coping With Interpersonal Stress and Psychological Distress AT Work: Comparison of Hospital Nursing Staff and Salespeople. Psychology Research and Behavior Management, 7, 31-36.