Signals that hinder separation in the relationship

I do not want you to go, but I don't want to retain your flame either so that others never know your fire, or wet your gunpowder so that I do not get ready with anyone. Marwan

Content

• The fragility of love ties
• Can I separate or don't I separate?
  • Time -related
  • Emotions related
  •  Related to social interaction
• BENEFITS OF SEPARATION: Not everything is negative
  • References

The fragility of love ties

True love is nothing other than the inevitable desire to help the other to be who is who is. Jorge Bucay

There are many reasons to start a relationship. However, at least consciously, a person does not marry or decides to live together with the aim of separating and less, to end in courts with superlative violence.

When we think of a separation, some of the most common events that wear out the initial link are: infidelity, jealousy (delusional celotypal disorder), incompatibility of characters, the intrusion of the political family, the differences in the education of the children or the management of money, addictions, the presence of some emotional disorder, etc. The catalog is very extensive, however, not all relations end by any of the above conditions.

In all relationships, even in the most conflicting, there are common points that were at some point positive. And, in positive and functional relationships, there are also negative events. There is no way to ensure that all relationships will reach a happy ending. Nor is it written in the forecast that the relationships that begin, they must end.

The attitude to solve the problems that each partner has can lead us to remain in the relationship. If we are looking for reasons to stay as a couple, we will surely find them and vice versa.

The sociologist Zygmunt Bauman (2020), in his book Liquid Love indicates that he “tries impulse to strengthen ties, but keeping them at the same time loose to be able to discourage them ”. (Bauman, 2020, pp. 7-8).

Liquid love and superficiality of human relationships

Thus, the separation will be relative (they will separate, but they are somehow connected and together) or definitive (some couples after the separation, they will never be seen again), depending on the approach that each couple decides to face. One more aspect is the one related to immediate pleasure, If I think about how positive my relationship has had, I stop seeing the negative and this is known as "myopia to the future", That is, I am with the beautiful and immediate.

Can I separate or don't I separate?

You have to learn to leave the table when love is no longer useful. Nina Simone

Decision making is associated with the prefrontal cortex, Area of ​​the brain where our brightest thoughts come from, thus the behaviors of: solidarity, empathy and compassion, come from there.  However, “this ends up maturing between the second and third decade of life. And has important intellectual and cognitive functions, including social interaction. Social interaction changes our brain”(Manes, 2022). I hope that the virtual interaction that we have today through this article, help change your brain, especially if you are going through such complex moments as: stay or stay in a couple relationship. And if the emotional invoice you are paying today is very high.

Choosing a product in the market is simpler than making the decision to live as a couple, but separating from it is also very complex, as it is mediated by brain maturation and multiple emotions and scenarios full of uncertainty. Most likely one of the events imbricated in this regard is the activation of the cerebral tonsil, as SI The amygdala takes control of decisions, will make the prefrontal cortex become clumsy. And it is in this scenario of neurosciences where Dubitative actions begin to face this delicate moment.

It is not a matter of chance, or to browse a margarita. It is an extremely complex process. And there are many conditions for this:

Time -related

• The estimated time to make the decision to leave a relationship when a person is aware that he no longer feels comfortable goes ”From 7 months to 5 years". (Lewandowski, 2021, P. 252).
• There are couples what; For a simple fault or misunderstood, they will end up separate. And others that will endure the most serious offenses, without physically separating, Until death separate them.
• Others will never separate, but they will live emotionally separately. They will live in psychological divorce.
• If we have lived a long relationship it will be more difficult to make the decision, Above all, if the couple have spent a lot of time together.
• Break away will leave the feeling of having had a lost time And none of us like to lose.

Emotions related

• Think about the emotional pain produced by a separation may paralyze one or both members of the Diada. For the brain, physical pain is the same as emotional pain. Then, let's imagine a person living for a long time with a broken arm, in this metaphor, some people might think materially about taking their lives, before leaving or being left by the couple.
• Fear of loneliness is experienced. A very important characteristic of human beings, is that we are relational and live in social interaction is part of the essence of the human being. Being alone, at least in the Paleolithic, was practically a death sentence.
• The fear of being single.
• There is Fear of independence: social, economic and emotional.
• Emotionally hurts to know that we were wrong In everyday life.
• We believe that all endings hurt and we don't want to face them: Emotion of anticipated pain and anticipated fear. It doesn't matter if we leave or leave us, anyway, some kind of early emotion will be experienced.
• Any of the members, It can be emotional dependent on children (when there are) and the couple itself.
• The decision -making and both members will pretend to retain the couple will be delayed by the fear that the other member knows a better lover.

 Related to social interaction

• The separation costs more work if the person feels alone or think that he will leave the couple alone and think about the way the break will affect him.
• Separating implies telling other people and with it You must face a social duel. They will most likely ask about the absence of the couple: friends, family, acquaintances or co -workers or school. However, the couple will also go through an individual duel or another as a couple. In total, three types of duels will face: individual, couple and social, which are part of the identity of the Diada.
• People do not separate because they reach a couple of agreements and generate the Illusion of a symbolic arrangement, even if it only lasts a couple of days or weeks.
• An ambivalent evaluation of positive and negative experiences is carried out that make it difficult to make the decision to separate. It is a behavior similar to that of a ludopath, Good times or pleasure events are expected to return that at some point were lived, although these correspond to the past and Possibly they never repeat themselves. A principle of neuroscience is that the expectation of pleasure, generates pleasure. Bad experiences are given little importance, in this decision -making process.
• It implies in many cases the Division of children, friends and material goods.
• We believe that we will never find an equal love to the one with the couple.
• We cling to the relationship we have: it is better bad for known than good to know.
• We are procrastinators in decision making.
• We do not realize that the initial reality of the couple (falling in love) has already changed and most likely never returns.
• Individual expectations will be broken and as a couple to live a life together and age.
• Even living apparently separate or even divorced, The definitive separation is not accepted and activities are continued together.
• We cling to Want to continue being friends, to continue monitoring the couple. This does not allow the possibility of really knowing a new couple.

It is not an exhaustive list, only the most common behaviors that are currently.

BENEFITS OF SEPARATION: Not everything is negative

In the midst of difficulty lies the opportunity.  Albert Einstein

It could be thought that the final result of the separation has negative effects, but in its paradox there are events that will be positive:

• Get out of bad relationships (abusive, excessive or toxic control) Increase physical and emotional health.
• We can test our ability to grow in adversity and be resilient.
• Separating will give us the possibility of carrying out pending goals or objectives: Learn to sing, finish a career, grow in academics, work or spiritual.
• Is important to close life cycles and learn from the mistakes of the past.
• We will can create a better future and live with greater quality of life despite adversities.
• "Human decision making is not a logical or computational process, but is guided by emotions.". (MANES, 2022). And, if emotions are out of control, it is very difficult to take control of one's life.
• If you don't know how to do it?, Consult your trusted therapist.

Closing life cycles

References

• Bauman, Z. (2020). Liquid love (about the fragility of human ties). Fund of Economic Culture.
• Manes, f. (2022, September 18). What makes us human: Frontal lobe secrets.
• Lewandowski, g. (2021). Love is never enough. Diana Editorial.