Do you want a love for a lifetime?

One of the romantic ideas with which we grow, is to find a love that lasts for life.

This idea of ​​romantic love includes the myth that it remains in love and intact passion, that butterflies are not lost in the stomach and the illusion of seeing each other, of touching, of being together.

Hyperrealists and detractors of romantic love say that this is not possible because falling in love is only the first stage of a couple's relationship, which disappears with time and coexistence.

Content

• Variability and intentionality
• Love is not always the same
• Expand our way of perceiving love
• You don't have to endure, but ..
• Love is not static, it changes, evolves

Variability and intentionality

The defenders of healthier and more constructive love and people capable of creating their own realities, we defend the "variability" and the "intentionality" of love to keep it within the scope of romanticism.

Variability, because Love changes permanently, It intensifies, moderates, is passionate, independent, sits, rebels.  It is still love, only dresses with different outfits and is seen in different scenarios.

Intentionality, because, despite the popular beliefs that love invades you without warning, it possesses you and you do not control it, the love "is chosen" and as well as A person is chosen to make a partner, he is also chosen how to live that love In everyday life.

From this point of view, love is not exhausted, but in interaction as a couple, one action after another, we let it exhaust.

Love is not always the same

Those of us who have lived many years as a couple, more than 20 years in my case, and we continue to choose to be with the same person despite the difficulties that are lived in the "irres and going" of life, we know that love is not always equal.

There are moments of a lot of connection, sometimes you connect from the skin and sometimes from the soul.  There are moments in what you look at and rethink the decisions you have made to continue there and others in which you are certain of being in the right place and the company.  There are times when you feel an immense tranquility and others in which any smallness bothers you. Each and every one of these circumstances can be part of the experience of love.

Expand our way of perceiving love

To maintain a lifetime, it is necessary expand perception about what love is, or better, of the possibilities of experiences IN love.

It is the idealization and the need for perfection of the experience of love, which leads us to believe that when difficult moments arrive it is because love is over.

With the idealization of love I mean the search for the most instilled stereotypes: the blue prince and the princess in trouble that when they meet they merge into a true love and will be "happy forever".

Nobody tells us that the prince enters existential questions and stops finding meaning to a perfect life and that affects his sexual desire, nor do they tell us that the princess gets tired of being just a vase in the castle, for being just a pretty woman and Well dressed and wants to stop parties to parties and fulfill protocols.

We are left with the "happy forever" and we believe that everything that comes out of the parameters of happiness is wrong and should be avoided.

You don't have to endure, but ..

I don't want to say with this that you have to endure in a couple relationship whatever happens.

We must know how to differentiate what is within love and what moves away and this is a limit that each person according to their beliefs and values, must be clear.

As a general rule, discuss, disagreeing, being little respectful, not fulfilling the agre in which those moments serve to learn to meet, to raise the conditions in which they want to live that relationship, to change and to advance in the Basic commitments of love: respect, solidarity, support and generosity.

Otherwise and to the extent that they become systematic and become a style to relate, a red line is crossed in which we must stop talking about love.

Living love is something that can be confusing. We have taught us many erroneous ideas about love and there are times when we do not know how to differentiate if it is a difficult stage that can be overcome or has become a harmful relationship from which we must get away.  There is the heart of human experience.  How to know what decision to make and how to live with the decided.

Love is not static, it changes, evolves

We want us to fulfill the promise to find the "true" love and be "happy forever".  What we do not know is that finding love, which can always be true, and be happy forever, or throughout our lives, is not like taking a photo, in which a moment is captured and stays the same with the passing of the years. It is rather as a recorded video, during a live broadcast, in which despite having a specific script, circumstances that generate better or worst improvisations appear.

The magic of love, produces each person to the extent that he is increasing , make your ideas more flexible and more and more your ability to include and accept the various options that life presents without previous negative evaluations. These characteristics make us create "love" in our lives and choose the people with whom we want to share it.

What other elements do you think can help maintain a love for a lifetime?