What are microinfidelities and how to detect them

An infidelity is usually lived as a great betrayal and, when it is discovered in a relationship, trust in the couple is often broken and can lead to the breakdown. However, although sexual infidelity is clear enough to identify it and, generally, it is rejected in a more resounding way, there is a "lower" form of deception that can hurt as much as a sexual infidelity: microinfidelity.

Microinfidelities are those behaviors in the context of a couple that resemble infidelity, but without crossing the line of sexual contact. So, ¿They can be considered as an infidelity? ¿Why they occur and how we can detect them? In this Psychology-online article, we will explain you What are microinfidelities and how to detect them.

1. What are microinfidelities
2. Why microinfidelities occur
3. How to detect microinfidelities

What are microinfidelities

Microinfidelities are those subtle behaviors of a person In a monogamous relationship Towards third people. These apparently trivial behaviors sometimes are not considered an infidelity itself, however, they do share some characteristics, such as dishonesty and secrets. To identify them better, we propose to consult this article on types of infidelity.

Therefore, although first they may seem unimportant or easy to ignore, microinfidelities can cause great damage to relationships. Despite not having sex in between, microinfidelities can cross the limit, trust and the tacit pacts of one couple in other ways.

The psychologist María Slapez^[1] He warns us that this term can be very invalidating for those who feel hurt by some behavior commonly called "microinfidelity", since the "micro" prefix can give the feeling that they lack importance. In addition, he adds that these people may feel that their pain makes no sense.

Examples of microinfelities

If you want to better understand what microinfidelities are, then we show you some examples:

• Send text messages to someone in a provocative way, up of tone or with the intention of linking.
• GIVE "LIKE" in the photos and publications of social networks continuously to someone you consider attractive.
• Lying about the state of your relationship so that it seems less serious than it is actually.
• Maintain a profile in an appointment application.
• Give your phone number to a person who knows that he feels attracted to you or that attracts you.
• Do everything possible to look attractive and be able to impress a person who is not your partner.
• Talk about your sexual life, send text messages or nudes (NUDE PHOTOS).
• Frequently communicate with someone who tries to link with you.
• Take off the wedding ring before leaving.
• Flirt with other people.
• Maintain regular communication with a former or old love.

If you ask yourself if sending a message to your ex or staying with a person who attracts you to have drinks is a microinfidelity, Consider motivation behind these behaviors And how would your partner feel if I discovered it. ¿Frequently hidden relevant information to your partner? ¿Your actions could harm your partner or the relationship? ¿How would you feel if the papers were invested?

Your answers can clarify whether microinfidelities are at stake or not, since they will reveal whether these acts cause feelings of pain and betrayal.

Why microinfidelities occur

Each relationship marks its own red lines as to what constitutes an infidelity. What for a couple is considered betrayal, for another it is not. Even so, microinfidelities show that the attention of someone who is not your partner is sought and that can be an alert signal.

One of the world's largest expert in romantic relationships, the psychotherapist Tammy Nelson^[2], explains that microinfidelities occur when you create small opportunities for affective behaviors that are out of your relationship. This habit in one or both members of the couple can occur in both happy and unhappy couples and, although it is different in each relationship and situation, in general, it is due to the lack of satisfaction in the relationship.

Other of the main reasons that can cause microinfidelities are:

• Little defined limits As for what is considered infidelity and what can damage the relationship.
• Problems with intimacy, for example, a marriage without sexual relations.
• Lack of communication in a relationship.
• Low self -esteem of one or both members of the couple.
• One or both members of the couple feel abandoned, bored in the relationship or in need of experiencing new or forgotten emotions.

In relation to the last point, sometimes, these acts are not so much about an attraction by another person, but rather of a Attraction for a new "I" or a "forgotten". In this way, that a person pays attention to you can help you feel more attractive, desired or important. If this is happening in your relationship, it is important that you express it to your partner sincerely and directly to strengthen the trust and commitment of your relationship.

How to detect microinfidelities

Microinfidelities are not always easy to detect, but the most common places in which they usually manifest are social networks, work or within the friendships themselves. While it is true that each situation and couple is different, then you will see the microinfidelities signals more frequent.

Secretism

The secrets, lies and deception They are usually in the epicenter of any form of infidelity, and microinfidelities are no exception. Generally, in microinfidelities it is linked by omission, that is, important information is deliberately hidden from the couple, since it is likely that upon learning, it could feel injured. This may imply the following behaviors:

• Hide the true use of social networks.
• Remove text messages or emails.
• Whisper during a phone call.
• Go out to answer where nobody can listen.
• Keep the phone face near the couple.

Although it is normal for people to maintain their privacy, secrecy may indicate more important problems related to trust and faithfulness. In the following article you will find information on how to discover an infidelity.

Decrease in attention and/or affection

A person submerged in microinfidelities may often seem distracted and/or worried, as if their mind were elsewhere. In these cases, it is normal for people to be distracted from time to time, especially during difficult and/or stressful moments.

Therefore, the lack of constant attention to the couple It is an alert signal, not only for infidelity, but also for the level of commitment in the relationship.

Crossing the limits of the relationship

In general, microinfidelities and infidelities occur when a person crosses the limits in their relationship Around trust and faithfulness. Therefore, the person who commits microinfidelities is transferring the red lines agreed with his partner.

For example, communicate with an ex -part Do it. In many cases, the limits of the couple are crossed, whether defined or implicit.

Defensive attitude

People who deceive usually subtract importance or flatly deny any form of dishonesty when they are discovered or confronted. For this reason, the defensive attitude may imply deviating from the subject, denying the action or attitude, blaming the couple and/or inventing excuses.

Use of social networks to flirt

If your partner is constantly online, with the phone or on social networks Sending messages and checking the mobile To give or get attention people who are attractive, this indicates that he wants to maintain his options open with other people and little commitment to his partner. In these situations we recommend you consult this article how to know if your partner lies to you.

Hide your relationship

In these cases, your partner would not only be including in the fields of their life, but It could be actively hiding, As, for example, avoiding photographs with you on your social networks. If you do not know any friend, known or familiar to your partner, this could be a sign that you have something to hide.

While microinfidelities are ultimately defined by both members of the couple, they can undoubtedly be a harmful form of infidelity. Thus, It is essential to speak and establish healthy limits In relationships, including clear conversations about what each one considers infidelity.

Also, if you consider that there have been microinfidelities in your relationship, it is important that you give a place to your emotions, establish healthy limits and communicate them to your partner with honesty. If your feelings are not respected and validated, your need for clarity and transparency and the damage caused by your partner's behaviors, it may be time to rethink the relationship.

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What are microinfidelities and how to detect them, We recommend that you enter our category of couple therapy.

1. Slapped, m. (2020). Love your sex. Bruguera.
2. Nelson, t. (2013). The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity. New Harbinger Publications.