What to do in case of school bullying

"I don't want to go to school ..." It can be the first manifestation that a child is in trouble. Sometimes accompanied by signs such as inaccurate pains, diverse discomforts or difficulties to get out of bed, the phrase, however, it usually refers to a certain kind of things that have nothing to do with the next mathematics test or the demands of the teacher of geography. And yes with something that for children and young people are usually experientially more important: the relationship with their peers. Actually, many times the suspensive points would be covered - if the boy was encouraged - for the explanation "because they make my life impossible". The phenomenon of bullying (bullying), also called intimidation, harassment, matoning or bravetead part of one or more students to another.

In this Psychology Line article, we talk about bullying and show What to do in a case of school bullying.

1. The harass or school bullying
2. What to do before bullying
3. Profile of the school stalker and the victim
4. What to do before bullying or bullying
5. What to do to prevent bullying at school

The harass or school bullying

The abuse can consist of physical aggressions, damage to personal objects, small thefts, threats, teasing, insults, isolation, dissemination of slander or any resource for Submit someone to a situation of inferiority and humiliation.

In general, the act has spectators, that are usually part of a stalker group or that simply "enjoy" the show; They have fun with the jokes and/or try to associate with the stalker to "share" his power and, through him, get to do something they may want, but they do not encourage to specify. Also, of course, they do it to avoid being placed in the role of harassed.

While this kind of phenomena has occurred at all times, now it seems to have obtained its "credential" and although such a situation could mean that it occurs more frequently, at the same time it indicates a tendency to become public that contributes significantly to start paths for His prevention, since one of the factors that have always made it difficult to address is their secret, its clandestinity, the ignorance, conscious or unconscious of adults in this regard. Somehow - and saving the distances - it is a "gangster" behavior, whose success is based on the initiatory principle of these organizations: the "omertá", the law of silence of both victims and victimizers.

As Eliot expresses in the paragraph of his work The Cocktail Party that we choose for the epigraph, "people want to feel important". In all ages and situations of life. It is clear that social groups and diverse cultures establish certain patterns of behavior considered legitimate to achieve it, for example: the realization of significant works, the prestige achieved by a life trajectory, the generous attitude towards others, the creative use of the own intellectual, social or physical talents, etc.

However, not always and not for all it is possible to achieve that goal through these media and, for various reasons, some people then appeal to spurious forms of gain power and feel important, such as "bullying". In many cases, they usually have the support of sociocultural beliefs, which not only do not prevent but facilitate that their intimidating acts are carried out and also unpunished.

What to do before bullying

Indeed, in some cases the responsible adults - parents and teachers - do not perceive the situation and in others, although somehow they perceive or suspect it, they minimize it because they play in them certain rooted ideas that resist stubbornly to the test of reality.

Regarding the parents, It usually happens that do not intervene because:

• "They are boys' things."
• "You have to learn to live."
• "Men's."
• "You don't have to be a buchón (Dorator)."
• "If he let himself hit, he deserves to punish him, for lazy ..."
• "We are not going to be getting into every pavada ..."
• "It happened at school, they solve it ..."

Regarding the Teachers, He usually plays against his speech that:

• They don't know what to do well.
• School culture does not usually pay too much attention to what happens "among the boys".
• Many times the episodes of harassment do not affect the "normal development of activities".
• In general, they are not carried out in the classroom or in view of all.
• In a fairly "feminine" institution, as is the school, sometimes certain bravucony behaviors are attributed to "things of men". (Actually, it is true that harassment is given much more in boys than in girls and that in them, when it appears, it is more subtle and especially verbal.)

It is clear that when someone systematically refuses to deal that culminated in suicides or homicides, before the surprise and perplexity of adults who did not assume the gravity that these episodes can have when they are sustained over time and progressively increase the loneliness and impotence of the victims.

Profile of the school stalker and the victim

Not anyone is a stalker and not anyone is harassed. Although yes Anyone can be spectator, And this factor is very important in the train to move towards the solutions because without public there is no show and, not being protagonists, the spectators are sometimes more susceptible to adult intervention than direct participants.

For example, during the investigation of a fact in the school environment, spectators would not have to go through the difficult situation of self -acting (such as the stalker) or by accusing (such as harassed). They would be witnesses and, regardless of the greatest or lesser pleasure that the situation has provided, they could be invited to maintain a round of conversations for Describe the facts and reflect About its possible consequences. Even if necessary, they can keep anonymity, both their own and the protagonists of the fact.

Moreover, either as a result of precise or spontaneously, a "¡Enough!", said in a way determined by one or more of those attending an intimidating act can quickly end the situation of violence and sit a valuable precedent for similar ones.

Stalkers and harassed, on the other hand, are less accessible and usually present some of the following features, not strictly but quite frequently.

Stalkers:

• They have self -esteem problems.
• For some reason they cannot be highlighted in another way.
• Come from families where violence is considered normal to solve problems.
• They are greater or stronger than most of their peers.
• They are charismatic leaders, for admiration or fear.
• They are usually outgoing, impulsive.
• They can be avengeing abuses suffered.
• They can be moved by envy.
• They suffer from some degree of "alexitimia", that is, of difficulty recognizing their own and others' feelings.
• For cultural-family reasons, in the two possible ways of "exceling", rising one or inferiorized to others, choose the second.

Harassed:

• They are shy, fearful.
• They are minor, weaker or clumsy than most companions.
• They belong to a minority within most of the classroom: gender, ethnic, social or preferences, for example, a male who does not like football.
• They are lonely, they have no friends.
• They are usually introverted.
• They are newcomers.
• They have some physical disadvantage.
• They stand out intellectually and cause envy.
• They are little assertive, they quickly access the demands of others to "avoid problems".
• They once denounced a mistreatment and were labeled.
• They have great need to be accepted by others.
• They usually believe that passively enduring adversities is the best way to deal with them.
• If they endure enough, finally their difficulties will be exhausted.
• For cultural-family reasons, they can believe that never responding to the violence of others is the best way to appease them.
• Many times they are potent.

Of course, it often happens that the features are mixed and the same in each other, and usually manifest in an inverse or reactive way. For example: a low self -esteem problem that is shown as overvaluation.

What to do before bullying or bullying

The philosopher k. Popper once stated the famous paradox of tolerance that, in a nutshell, is that being tolerant with an intolerant can make it more intolerant yet. This is, basically, the fundamental knot of the problem and perhaps is one of the causes for which both the supporters of the "eye for eye" and those of a certain "naive pacifism", convinced that, for example, a Correct rational argument can be enough to modify an intimidating attitude that, precisely, is not based on rational bases.

From this derive the difficulty and probably, The concealment: It seems to be one of those paradoxical situations in which any action that is carried out will be wrong. It does not serve that the harassed reacts violently, it does not work that it is subjected and it does not help "negotiate" with the stalker.

However, as in so many other human situations, as complex, something is possible to do.

First, it is necessary distinguish harassment, which is a systematic cruel behavior, of occasional violence for circumstantial reasons, which is practically impossible to eradicate in its entire human group.

Secondly, it is necessary that Adults -In principle, teachers- assume that the problem exists, that it is more frequent than it seems, that it can have serious consequences and, especially, that they must intervene and that they must do it as soon as possible. Because the situations of chronic, individual or collective discomfort, if they do not stop, grow. And they cannot sustain much time without causing sometimes irreparable damage.

Third, it is necessary intensify and improve parents and teachers, in the double sense of being attentive to signs that may indicate situations of harassment, and also to believe in principle to children/youth when they denounce any case, even when they reserve the right to investigate what it is about.

Fourth, it is essential to convince - and act accordingly - that this type of behavior is born, grow and proliferate in culturally fertile land. If a stalker leaves and does not change the cultural consensus, another will most likely appear. The key lies in create institutional conditions in which cruelty and harassment are poorly seen. In which the values ​​that support these attitudes are invested and the temptation to participate in something that "everyone knows is negative" is weakened ".

We must create conditions in which "hosting another is not business", does not agree, not only for the normative consequences but, especially, by social. And, for this, it is not enough to oppose what is considered negative; it is necessary Propose alternative attitudes, that is, generate all kinds of situations in which the trends towards empathy and altruism are evident and evident. These trends are present in all people, even the real or virtual stalkers, who could well change their attitude towards an invitation to make more valuable (and valued) use of their leadership. In this way, your need to "be important" is satisfied, but changing the argument.

Anyway, although you have to attend to both (stalker and harassed) -without dismissing the fact that the first may have come to assume that role for being a victim before- The priority is harassed, for the degrading of their situation and for the risks that such condition implies for himself and for others. The bitter questionless question "¿Why me?"He has even persecuted many children to adulthood and heal the wounds of their self -esteem have required them enormous effort. It should be clarified that we refer to those cases in which such effort can be considered the "minor evil", since it was possible to avoid some explosion of violence that caused a disaster in their lives or in those of others.

One of the best ways to help real or virtual harassed is to inform him that, according to his own confessions, that kind of events has happened and happens to many people, even many who are now normal and prominent adults in various activities. That is to say, It is not strictly "his guilt" nor a stigma which should lead for life: it is a stage that can be overcome, like so many others. This kind of message, transmitted with conviction, usually has a preventive and healer psychological effect.

Another way is to train children and young people in what we have called before Assertive capacity. That is, the healthy way of escaping the trap of submitting or responding violently. Many times, the stalker's threat is much more symbolic than real, when not pure boasts, and a plain and plain rejection expressed safely can stop the process, before it becomes a real case of intimidation.

Finally, the main and fundamental way to help the stalker (and, at the same time, everyone else) is stop your action. To do this, the school has the right to establish, agree and enforce the norms that it deems appropriate, according to the following basic principles: a) are those that allow it to sustain the effort to govern the institution, and b) are effective in prevention and Interruption of vicious circles of violence, as is the case with "bullying". This is likely to be the most hard issue to the school-power relationship. For this reason, it is necessary Open it to the consideration of parents in general and especially those whose children have been involved in some intimidation episode.

What to do to prevent bullying at school

Safety, there are many things that can be done from school In order to start producing the cultural change necessary for harassment behaviors to extinguish. Here are some suggestions:

• In principle, it is necessary be attentive but not alarm (se). Although there is a pathological case, in general these are behaviors that in different measures and contexts are human (too human, Nietzsche would say ...). Innumerable examples of fateful leaderships, followed by millions of "educated adults", abound in history. In addition, the alarm is not the best to think and, paradoxically, you can provide a service to harass.
• Many times, given a first case, the serene and firm attitude of managers or teachers has made a stalker for a stalker forever. In this case, as in so many other situations, Early detection is fundamental. Arguments similar to "It is not like to be proud", "nobody will be, neither we nor your parents and also, here, we are not willing to allow it ..." They can be incredibly effective.
• Besides, Royal or potential stalkers are a minority. So that, on the basis of the above regarding the spectators/witnesses and the concept of school group as a whole, the pressure on that minority can become very large. The majority is not a stalker or harassed, but some of its members can be harassed if certain circumstances occur. Create that awareness helps, surely, a new culture.
• Because the secret is the key factor of these behaviors, everything that is done to give public status to the problem It will be convenient, provided that it does not violate anyone's privacy: billboards, posters, treatment of students or student centers, collaboration work with the positive leaders of the students, projection of videos with debate, special classes, circulation of leaves flyers, days against abuse, etc. We use the term abuse with all intention, since the purpose is to create an immune microculture to the abuses of all kinds, including "bullying" cases. Treat them in this way allows you to focus better, include them within a repertoire of behaviors that are also linked to some "macho culture" and, incidentally, not advertising the "bullying" to name it excessively.
• It is usually said that "except for climate diseases and disasters, more than 90% of the world's problems are the result of people who do not maintain their agreements". We cannot check if it is exactly like that, but the meaning of the idea can have a significant effect on a community if it is sustained firmly. If we understand as abusive behavior, everyone who is a evil, or improper use of the body, ideas, feelings, good name, objects, space or time of another, a good slogan to install and on which agree could be: "No to abuse, yes to respect". And an important part of the agreement should consist that denouncing an abuse is not being a repeal but caregiver of the common good. Because in a "culture of abuse", nobody is safe.
• Schools should Prepare a policy in this regard. That is, they should not react as if it were every time and provide for certain procedures agreed by managers and teachers (and eventually students and parents) about what to do and fundamentally what not to do before a complaint or a suspicion.
• It is necessary to internalize as much as possible about certain Features of the Infant-House culture, that usually have a lot of influence and that adults sometimes do not know or minimize. For example, the situation in which stalker and harassed are friends are not rare and are united by an affective attachment that survives the episodes of harassment, mockery or humiliation. These are relationships that exemplify cases such as Abbot and Costello or Laurel and Hardy, or "the three chiflados", where one of them is always the clueless or clumsy and ends ridiculed. These cases are difficult because they put on the mat a fundamental issue, never better expressed than in the old Jew: "Tell me what car you travel and I will tell you what song you sing". It is very difficult for a boy (and also for an adult) "Singing another song" except the one that those who travel in "their car" sing and, therefore, our proposal is to start creating "a new song" that is valid for everyone or at least for most.
• From the practical point of view, many investigations show that warning attitude of adults inside the school building It usually reduces the episodes of harassment. It is essential. Also, in the case of classrooms, attention should be paid to significant changes in the behavior of one or more students, such as: isolation, persistent silences, repeated absences, neglect, abrupt alterations in academic performance, etc.
• The school should be widely shown receptive first of all comments or complaint that a father formulates, even if it is in degree of suspicion, personally or through the association of parents and teachers, if there were. And, of course, once a basic institutional agreement on the subject is achieved, it will be necessary. Although it does not always happen, for many parents, both victims and perpetrators, finding out about the situation is a surprise and that only added to the possibility of sharing it with other people in a similar (or complementary) situation usually has beneficial results that move to changes in raising their children. Of course, there is also the case of parents who support their children's behavior for "ideological" reasons such as: "He tries to impose himself, that is normal, the problem is the others" or "was raised to never use Violence to solve problems ". In general, they are a minority. In most cases, given the pressure of reality and the force of institutional norms, such beliefs usually yield by conviction or necessity.
• In this case, as in others, The school should become a focus of initiatives, In principle, referring to the circulation of network information, everyone with everyone: parents with children, parents with parents, teachers with students, teachers with parents, teachers with teachers, managers with everyone else. And all, in turn, with professionals who can transmit useful knowledge and experiences, applied in places where the situation was already described and faced as a problem.

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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