What to do when you like someone and has a partner

We live in a society that is predominantly immersed in a monogamous culture. This fact makes us sometimes consider dilemmas that can generate discomfort. One of them arises when we begin to feel attracted to people who have a partner.

Feeling attracted and, much more, falling in love with people who have a relationship with another person can generate unpleasant emotions such as frustration or sadness. In this psychology-online article we deal with this topic and how to manage it, so we give you some guidelines on What to do when you like someone and has a partner.

1. How to know if you like it even if you have a partner
2. Stenberg's triangular theory
3. Why does it fool with me if you have a partner
4. What to do if you like a person who has a partner

How to know if you like it even if you have a partner

The way in which we manifest our attraction or our romantic or sexual interest towards others serves numerous individual variables. That is why knowing if another person likes you can become a complicated task. However, there may be certain signs in your way of relating to you that we expose you below and can help you solve your doubts. It is important that you do not take any of these signals in a determining, isolated and decontextualized way, since they can lead you to misunderstand the intentions of the other person. ¿How to know if he is in love with me even if he has a girlfriend/or?

Nonverbal language

Some of the related variables can be:

• Eye contact.
• Manipulation of objects (such as playing with a bracelet) or automanipulation (such as touching hair) during communication. In this article we talk about the importance of hands in nonverbal language.
• Body posture (it will give you information about whether it is relaxed or relaxed, if it is uncomfortable or uncomfortable, etc.)
• Distance and physical contact.

Type of contact you maintain

Pay attention to the moments when you seek to have contact with you (if you only do it when your partner is not in front, you can make you suspect your intentions), who looks for who, etc.

What are you talking about

The content of your conversations will be crucial if you like it: if a lot of compliments and compliments would appear in it, they constantly try to please you, know things about you, etc.

Physiological changes

It is a group of variables hardly identifiable, but keep in mind that when you are near.

In this article, you can see several signs that someone likes you through their messages.

Stenberg's triangular theory

Robert Stenberg proposes his theory about love in the form of a triangle. In each of its angles there would be a component:

• Privacy: It would be what we popularly call trust.
• Commitment: that would determine the stability of the relationship.
• Passion: It would correspond to physical or sexual attraction by the other person.

If the other person likes you, the component of passion must be present. If you only find commitment and intimacy, you probably consider you a friendship. ¿How to know if you like someone or it's just friendship? Here you will find 25 keys to know if you really like someone.

Why does it fool with me if you have a partner

If for "nonsense" we refer to flirting, then we will be asking us why that person, even having a partner, shows some romantic or sexual interest towards us. The boy that I like has a girlfriend, but fools, ¿because?

There may be many reasons, so the answer will not be easy to answer. If you perceive that the person is flirting with you, then he has an interest in you. However, ¿What interest rate? We offer you some possibilities on which you can reflect and that could make you think of the answer to your question.

Has an open relationship

In this type of relationship the two members of the couple agree on the possibility of having relationships outside the couple, that is, the person who fools.

Your interest can be merely sexual

Having an open or not relationship, maybe just look for a sexual encounter with you. In Stenberg's theory cited before, you would only find the passionate component and there would be no intimacy or commitment.

You are not going through a good moment with your partner

In relationships there may be complicated and stressful moments: recent economic difficulties, maternity and paternity (even more so if they are first -time or first -time), sexual problems, etc. The person you like and has a partner may be going through a bad time and this can interfere with the commitment he has with his partner.

Another aspect that you can keep in mind is that you can be trying to jealous your partner with you, which could even appear more likely at a time of couple crisis.

He is a person with histrionic or narcissistic features

It is possible that that person you like simply "want to like" and want nothing more than that. Histrionic features (in which the person continually seeks to be the center of attention and also uses the physical appearance and a seductive character) or narcissistic (in which the person has a great need for admiration) could also explain why you are perceiving that the person you like to flirt with you.

She is in love or in love with you

This is also a possibility that you must consider, although you should not lose sight of the rest of the options we are commenting on. Be careful with this option, which will be the one you want most and you can establish cognitive biases and interpret your actions based on your wishes in the form of "self -fulfilling prophecy".

She is not in love or in love with her partner but there are ties that unite them

Not even the couple is not going through a bad time, they are simply in love and continue to be a couple because there are elements that unite them such as economic problems, children or any circumstance that make them more positively value to continue forming the couple than the couple than the couple than the couple than separate, regardless of your feelings.

Therefore, even if they continue to form a couple, they will no longer have a commitment to fidelity between them and this may lead them to look for new couples and/or sexual relations.

What to do if you like a person who has a partner

This decision concerns you only. Although we cannot tell you what you have to do and what decision to make, we can guide you in the process of solving your problem and making the best decision following four steps.

Step 1: Analyze the situation

The first thing you should do is value and analyze the situation. To do this we invite you to reflect on the following sections:

• Your emotional state. If the situation causes you discomfort (anxiety, sadness, etc.) You should consider taking distance from the person you like, trying to avoid physical or telephone contacts.
• What are your preferences. Think what you expect from the situation (having a relationship with this person, having sporadic sexual contact, etc.) And if all this is viable. Also think what you are willing or willing, for example: ¿You would have a sexual relationship with him or her knowing that his relationship will not end?
• What kind of relationship does the other person have with your partner. The situation would not be the same if he is a happily married person, with a life project with another person, to be an open couple.
• What does the other person expect from you. Think or find out what the person you like wants: if you want to finish your relationship and start another relationship with you, if you only like to flirt, etc.

Step 2: Rain of ideas about what you can do

Once the situation is analyzed, you must think what decisions you can make: share with the other person your feelings, not say anything and set the story, wait for a certain moment to arrive, etc.

Step 3: Value the consequences of each decision and choose an option

The third step would consist of assessing the consequences that your decision will have. It is not the same to declare someone to flirt with you that someone who has not shown interest in you. In the same way, it is not the same to declare your relative's couple than a co -worker.

Now values ​​the consequences of each of them and choose the best consequences or the least negative consequences.

Step 4: Be consistent with your decision

Finally execute your decision and be consistent with her.

One of the possibilities is to keep distance with the person you like. This is an alternative that will cost you to choose, since in the short term you can generate anxiety and enormous frustration. Some tips for when you like someone and you cannot have a relationship with that person:

• Try to perform pleasant activities that compensate for this discomfort.
• Launch relaxation techniques.
• Stay busy or busy.
• Restricts physical and/or telephone contacts everything you can with him or her.
• Keep in mind the benefits that your decision will generate in the medium and long term.
• Above all, be consistent with your decision.

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What to do when you like someone and has a partner, We recommend that you enter our category of feelings.