What to do when your partner likes another person

Fidelity is usually considered one of the fundamental aspects of a romantic relationship. Crossing this line can put in check the quality and stability of the relationship, being able to break it. The notion of fidelity for the proper functioning of a relationship is very widespread, especially in the western world. Therefore, we usually pay special attention to any signal that warns us that someone else is interested in our partner.

In this sense, ¿It is normal to find another attractive person having a relationship? This question is very frequent among most people who have ever fallen in love. At some point, we have all wanted to think that our partner will only have eyes for us. We are conditioned to believe that if someone is really in love with you will not look at anyone else, but it is not always the case. In this Psychology-online article, we will explain you What to do when your partner likes another person And how to identify this situation.

1. Is it normal to feel attraction for other people being as a couple?
2. How to know if your partner likes another person
3. What can I do if my partner likes another person

Is it normal to feel attraction for other people being as a couple?

If your partner is interested in another person, you may feel threatened. In this sense, Jeff Guenther^[1] explain what most of us, At least at a subconscious level, We look for threats to the relationship. Feeling attracted to someone who is not your partner is usually the first step for the relationship to end or be unfair. The person who suffers, often lives as a great betrayal. In addition, Guenther adds that he can produce insecurity in the couple not to be good or attractive enough.

So that, ¿It is normal to feel attraction for other people being as a couple? In a study published in Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy^[2], approximately 70% of the participants said they had experienced some kind of attraction towards someone who was not their partner. The researchers observed that feeling attracted to other people, even being committed to happy and monogamous relationships, It is usual.

The brain performs automatic judgments about other people's physical attractiveness. Psychology professor, Gary Lewandowski^[3], He points out that when we look at another person, our brain processes visual information very quickly and almost instantly, We make a judgment on the attractiveness of the other person. We cannot avoid making these judgments, since it is rather automatic.

What happens if my partner likes another person

If we are talking about feeling attraction for other people being as a couple is a human trend, ¿Why it hurts so much? ¿It is considered infidelity? ¿Jealousy are founded on this? The Belgian psychologist Esther Perel speaks to us without tapujos of this contradiction of modern love. States that we have some higher expectations than ever in relationships, incompatible in many cases and almost impossible to achieve. We put some examples below:

• NEWS AND ADVENTURE CONTRIBUTION.
• That behaves in a way that is familiar and predictable.
• Let our lover, best friend and family.
• That drives us in our personal growth.
• That has beauty but no one else finds it attractive.

Even so, No couple can meet all needs of another person, no matter how much he loves and values. Depositing all our expectations of well -being, happiness and purpose in life in the person is a recipe for failure, since we hope that we provide things that, in reality, are our responsibility.

Therefore, in a healthy relationship it is important to know what to expect from the other, but at the same time, adjust expectations and be reasonable and realistic. The commitment in a monogamous relationship can be reformulated from the "I will never notice anyone else" not to break the confidence and commitment of the relationship itself. It is not about controlling thoughts or feelings, but about choosing how to act, without fear of being judged.

In short, it is important to understand the nuances of feeling attracted to other people being in a relationship. No one can completely turn off the natural attraction towards other people, even if they are totally in love and committed. However, we can value if it is a passing trend or if it is intense enough to endanger the relationship. In itself, it is an opportunity to talk to your partner about your feelings.

In addition, it is very important Recognize any insecurity in one staff that may affect the way of seeing the situation. If you had a relationship in the past that ended because your ex -partner deceived you, you may have difficulty trusting another person. It is vital to learn to separate the pain from the past with current circumstances.

How to know if your partner likes another person

If you doubt how to know if your partner hides something to you, then we will show you six signals that can help you know if your partner likes another person:

• You feel that it has been distanced: If your partner has changed his way of treating you and seems distant, it could be a sign that he has an interest in someone else. You can feel in conflict and confused if you have developed feelings of attraction by another person.
• Your routine has changed: A change in anyone's routine can indicate many things. In this case, if you have noticed that your partner spends more time at work, develops new interests or no longer spends so much time with you as it used to do, one of the reasons could be dealing with an attraction out of your relationship.
• He pays you less attention: In general terms, people only have some “romantic energy” among them, so if you notice that their partner pays you less attention and dedicates their time and energy to another person or group of people, such as spending much longer in the work or social events, it can be a sign that you are interested in someone else.
• Share less time or space with you: One of the ways of knowing if your partner likes another person is to identify if he has stopped talking about several issues, both everyday and important. This could indicate that perhaps you are sharing the details of your day or your life with someone else. It may be attracted to a third person, even if they have not acted in this regard.
• Has started talking a lot about another person: It is possible that your partner is thinking so much about this other person that I cannot avoid talking about it in front of you. Listen to him to speak with enthusiasm about her can be frustrating, but it could be a good indicator that they have less to hide.
• Pay close attention to the social networks of another person: It is common for people to use them to “cheat” when they are not happy with their life and/or with their personal relationships. When a person receives validation and attention from a third party, and feels appreciated and attractive to someone else, he is likely to want to maintain this contact to continue feeling important. Thus, if your partner always looks for a particular person on social networks and likes most of his publications, it is likely to assume a certain level of attraction, especially if that other person is the usual “guy” of your partner.
• Do not share your daily thoughts and feelings: This may be a sign that it is necessary to address something in the relationship. Talking about this issue can be difficult, but asking your partner how it feels like helping and revealing if you are really interested in another person or something else is happening to change your behaviors. Clarify what happens can also help you know if things have gone beyond a passenger interest.

If you identify any of these factors, it is very possible that your partner likes another person. Paying attention to the signals of attraction is very important, but it is also to be able to express your feelings about the situation. These signals can help you identify what something happens in the relationship, but Do not assume your partner or acknowledgs without listening to their perspective. Rather, communicate with her in an open and clear way. In this article you will find advice on how to improve communication in the couple.

What can I do if my partner likes another person

Realize that your partner is emotionally or sexually attracted to another person and it is normal for your relationship to ask you. However, it should not be assumed that if your partner finds other people attractive that means that the relationship is over. If you ask what to do when your partner likes someone else, do not miss these advice:

• Contextualize the pain you feel: Do not generalize pain according to social constructions or the high notions of the romanticism of the films. You cannot change the biological basis of attraction, but understanding it can help you respond more consciously to this discomfort.
• Understand that your partner can find certain people attractive, But that does not imply that I stop loving you. When you like someone, you have to recognize the attraction and then let it go to strengthen the commitment to your partner. As Shirley Glass explains^[4], One of the main world experts in infidelity, one of the measures of the true commitment is that you do not allow distractions to deviate from your priorities.
• Learn to differentiate between physical attraction and real intimacy: that attract new and novel things is a human tendency that does not disappear because a person is in love. The important thing is to learn to differentiate between physical attraction and real intimacy between two people who build together a relationship.
• Encourages your relationship to be a safe space: Keep the doubt what to do when your partner likes another person, you must try to make your relationship a space in which you feel respected and you can express your concerns, doubts, feelings and insecurities.

If despite all this your partner cannot stop thinking about being with other people, and acts based on impulses in the context of a monogamous relationship, it is important Clarify the situation Before it crosses the red line. The fact that you understand that your partner can be attracted to other people does not imply that you have to accept all their behaviors, especially if there is a commitment of exclusivity.

In this sense, there are three components that allow to handle this situation: not be ashamed, not feel guilty and communicate assertively. Each couple can decide what is right or bad and set the limits you want in the relationship. Therefore, if you feel that your partner likes someone else, first of all, you must sincere and clarify the situation.

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What to do when your partner likes another person, We recommend that you enter our category of couple therapy.

1. Guenther, J., & Ocoboc, and. (1991). Autocad: Methods and Macros. Tab Books.
2. Boyes, a. D., & Latner, J. D. (2009). Weight Stigma in Existing Romantic Relationships. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 35(4), 28-293.
3. Aron, a., Lewandowski JR, G. W., Mashek, d., & Aron, and. N. (2013). The Self-Expansion Model of motivation and cognition in close Relationships.
4. Glass, s. P. (2002). Couple Therapy After The Trauma of Infidelity.