What is zero contact and how it applies

Sometimes, it is extremely difficult for us, after finishing a relationship, cutting the link with our ex -partner and that is when we are trapped in little healthy dynamics that prevent us and the other, on the other, to advance emotionally.

Ignore a person and isolate themselves through the "zero contact" technique is an attitude that some people with their former partners adopt, to get away from toxic, dependent relationships. In this psychology-online article, we will tell you What is zero contact and how it applies, What are its phases and what benefits it has for it.

1. What is zero contact
2. Zero contact benefits
3. How zero contact is applied
4. Stages of zero contact
5. When to cut zero contact?

What is zero contact

We call you "zero contact" when for a specific time We restrict contact with the other, cut and eliminate all communication with him. Zero contact is to cut the link and stop communicating with the other person through any way. With the latter, we refer to not talking to that person, not answering his calls, not writing or answering his messages, not spying on his social networks, not talking about that person with third parties, avoiding his presence in all context, not investigating information about information about That person with friends ... that is, practically do as if that person no longer existed in our lives and start living our life without him or her.

Zero contact is a technique that is used When we want to take distance from our ex -partner, either because it hurts us to maintain contact with that person, it has cost us a lot to end that relationship or it is costing us a lot to advance, due to the constant connection with that person or the extreme dependence that exists with her. It is also a technique that is used and recommended to get away from toxic or harmful people who appear in our life in our different contexts.

Zero contact benefits

Zero contact after a break can have many benefits, such as:

Leave the self-ata

After a recent breakup, our need to maintain contact with the other can lead us to lie to ourselves and the other saying that we can only be friends or that we can maintain some kind of relationship. However, When the break is recent, that "friendship" will hardly be established without other interests by any of the couple's members. That can lead us to emotional confusions, to the difficulty in living the process of grieving the relationship and the impossibility of remaking our life with someone else. The zero contact technique can give a space to elaborate the rupture of the relationship and build a "new life" without your ex -partner.

Clarify your mind

The zero contact technique can also give space to think and clarify thoughts and evaluate the decision to have ended. Taking distance from the other favors oblivion, but it can also be an opportunity to think about what both members of the former partner want. To be able to miss and evaluate whether it is worth trying again or not.

Get out of toxic or harmful dynamics

This technique is also useful and quite necessary in toxic or harmful relationships that are maintained by emotional dependence and that generate more damage than well -being but from which it is very difficult to go out of the addictive component they present. In this type of case this technique is not easy to sustain, but it is the only thing that can help out of that type of dynamics that hurt us.

Strengthen you emotionally

A distance time can be useful and extremely necessary to strengthen you emotionally, empower yourself and take the reins of your thoughts again. Once you have managed to have distance from your initial emotions and disconnects from them, you can think things coldly and decide what you want, avoiding acting by impulse or making bad decisions for being prey to what you feel at the time.

Prioritize with your needs, revalue

Sometimes, instead of thinking about what we want and need, we do things for others and we put aside. In this sense there are dependency dynamics that are sustained by emotions such as guilt, pity or fear of damaging the other. Taking distance, you can put aside everything you want and want the other for a moment, to decide on what you feel And you need first.

Reunite with yourself

A distance of distance helps us to connect with ourselves. When we leave a relationship, we need that reconnection space and generate new activities to be able to Rearm emotionally And in our daily routine. A reunion space with ourselves is extremely necessary in this regard.

Increase your self -esteem

Connecting with ourselves, generating activities that we like and passionate, develop new hobbies and choose to focus on our needs and prioritize with ours. Here you will find keys to improve self -esteem.

Heal

Time to alone always helps us see things more clearly. After a break, having a time alone can help us to give a different reading to the relationship that ended and discover patterns or dynamics that may come from our history and to be able to take care of them through a personal analysis process.

Get mental and emotional detachment

The distance helps us eliminate the dependencies, to reassure and quiet our thoughts and emotions and to achieve, therefore, to detach ourselves both mentally and emotionally.

How zero contact is applied

The distance is equivalent to a withdrawal phase, where you, voluntarily, depressed from an object that generates or generated desire at some point in the relationship and that is probably costing you to separate for some reason. Most likely, there will be an impulse to the search. By this I mean that initially there will be a resistance to zero contact, which can occur in the person who applies it, in the person to whom it is applied or in both. The contact technique consists of:

1. Eliminate from all your networks to the person.
2. Break all communication with that person.
3. Ask friends not to comment No type of information from your ex -partner in front of you.
4. Avoid asking for him or her, In the different contexts that both frequented.
5. Do not attend places that frequentedWhere do you think they can coincide.
6. Every time that person appears in your mind or memory, Change the Attentional Focus.
7. Resist distance until the end. Despite your desire to connect with the other and/or the insistence of that other for recovering contact, it is important to continue remote if you have a clear objective.
8. Fill your free time with new activities, sports, hobbies and connections to achieve your life and avoid retaking contact only by dependence, custom or need.
9. Know new people.

Initially, at the end of a relationship, the person who has decided to end and the counterpart feels a number of emotions. Each term is extremely difficult because there are many contradictory emotions in it.

While we are finishing a relationship for some reason, there are many others that kept us all the time in that dynamic and at times we connected with those reasons that made us remain and we question our decision.

It is important that you keep in mind that There will always be good and bad things in relationships And at the end of those good and bad things, they will continue to be present, The important thing is to remember that when we decided to end generally it is because bad things were too big, Too important, weighed more than good or accumulated for a long time. I say this because after a while we tend to forget the bad and the ghost of what we lost, we oversize the good and forget the bad and many times this reason leads us to return to dynamics that we know that they do not do well or that sooner or later they will end up falling again.

Stages of zero contact

That is why if you have clear your decision to end the relationship and you need to use the zero contact technique to be able to advance more easily with your life, we tell you in this article the different stages that you will cross:

1. Initial Security Stage

Initially, you will be very sure of the decision, both to have finished, and to apply this technique to your ex -partner. It is important that you hold that initial security and that you listen to what you really want and need. You can write the reasons why you are finishing And deciding to get away on paper, thus, later, if doubt or repentance ensues, you can read these emotions and thoughts again and put things in a balance.

2. The questioning of the decision

Weeks after having finished and taking distance, many emotions are probably beginning to move within you and this happens because if you are applying the zero contact technique, also also You will notice the absence of the other And his fault. This is a stage of confusion and questioning.

Many times, in doubt, many people abandon the technique and retake contact out of necessity, custom or dependence. It is important to sustain this period of doubt and cross it so that the reason for returning with your former partner, in case you decide so, either because you really decided so thinking about things with maturity and not prey to a momentary emotion that takes you to the repentance.

3. Concern and questioning

After a longer time without having signs of the person, the absence for both parties of the relationship begins to be noticed. On the one hand, you are remarking your life without that person, but this reality can be mixed with the awareness that you are losing the other forever. The fear of losing the other is normal and is part of the duel stages we are going through after having ended a relationship.

By crossing this stage You can reaffirm your decision and remake your life or analyze your decision considering the costs that really lose the other and try again, but this time establishing new bases of the relationship. In this case, this decision would imply cut zero contact and seek help to work the problems of the relationship and initiate a new and different relationship from the previous.

4. Final decision

At this stage, there are only two ways Oblivion or the second chance. In the following article, we talk about the second opportunities.

When to cut zero contact?

It is important to know that if your desire is to rebuild your life, forget and get away, It is not necessary to cut zero contact And the mere takes distance will make their lives separating. It is not necessary to talk to your ex.

On the other hand, if after crossing the different phases of the zero contact technique, you determined, consciously, that you want to give a second chance to your relationship, analyzing the pros and against that that implies, let's see how to cut zero contact:

1. The first thing you should do is resume contact and See if the other person has decided the same as you In this period of absence. Retomar contact with your ex -partner in this sense must be a slow and gradual work, where they begin to connect little by little to resume contact and generate a conversation.
2. It is very important to talk about what happened and that both parties can express their feelings, sensations, thoughts and determinations. Talk about what they felt in the absence of the other, what led them to the determination of wanting to return, why they believe it is important to give a new opportunity, what they think would be the good and bad of making that decision. How do you think you could cope with this time your differences, etc.
3. After this, it is good to use time in your favor and Analyze the previous relationship in retrospective. Probably, time has served both of you to see the previous relationship in another way and identify the things that you did not like about it.
4. It is important to put this kind of thing on the table, because they are The things that must be worked to recover the relationship, repair and be able to move on.
5. Being clear about this, it is important ask for professional help since probably even if they are able to identify what the problem is, they do not have the necessary tools to do so or there are other problems that are escaped.
6. Once this decision is made and this step by step next to professional aid They can start a new relationship.

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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