Why I'm always defensive

All at some point have responded by putting defensive in a certain situation. The real suffering begins when this internal tension becomes chronic. Being in defense position already says everything by itself. It means you have a vision of a world map in which You must protect yourself from others.

However, it is exhausting to live relationships from this perspective, simply, because dialogue does not flow when you analyze reality from the filter of distrust. When you are at this point, you get used to observing possible interpretations in the intentions of others. In this Psychology-online article we will answer your question of "¿Why I'm always defensive?" so you can know the answer.

1. 5 reasons why you are on the defensive
2. How to know if you are on the defensive
3. How to stop being defensive

5 reasons why you are on the defensive

¿What is the cause of being defensive? Next, we list five possible situations:

1. You are going through a bad time and you feel hurt. Your mood is manifested in your own reactions to others. The anger combined with frustration is a manifestation of pain. A person can be defensive when he feels unfairly treated by life at a given time as a consequence of a wound. For example, heartbreak or loneliness.
2. You have felt questioned for a long time. Either in your personal or professional life, you have lived a period in which a person has observed your actions with magnifying glass and has been corrected in a recurring way. In this context, this reaction becomes a defense mechanism against that attitude of an external agent that judges you.
3. Unsafety. Actually, you know that the other person is right in what suggests you with good intention, however, for some reason, you refuse to observe the reality of that statement and you put yourself defensive because that external truth confronts the image of your own perception. For example, a person who lives a sentimental self -engine.
4. You feel that others do not understand you. But, in addition, you also idealize the life of others. You are very aware of your own difficulties but you forget that each person lives with their own limits. From this role of inequality, you get defensive to those who consider that, no matter how much they think they do empathy with you, they cannot take care of what is happening to you.
5. You are saturated of tips and all you want is to have your own space and not receive more external information because your mind is saturated from receiving suggestions that you have not asked for.

How to know if you are on the defensive

1. You exalt with ease When a person asks you about your life unexpectedly or when he shares an assessment that affects you in some way. At that time, you feel that a tension is born inside you. And given this intense tension, you don't even concentrate on listening to the other. Actually, you get defensive when what affects you is your own interpretation of what the other person wanted to express.
2. You feel that you have to justify yourself In those situations in which you have reacted to the defensive. You may realize that your internal reaction has been disproportionate, however, you try to excuse yourself for it. That is, you conclude that you really had reasons to react that way because you have observed a negative intention in the other person.
3. You behave as if you had a shell. Marks a barrier in your relationships with others and it is difficult for you to show your most affective and vulnerable side. You prefer to mark distance and not let the others cross that nucleus.
4. You think too much. You waste a lot of time going around situations that may not have a greater background. However, you take any comments personally. And, for that reason, any opinion affects you as such. In fact, you realize that you are excessively worried about the image that other people have of you. Otherwise, you would not spend so much energy to defend yourself when it is not even necessary to do it.
5. A person who gets defensive, reacts with Little receptivity to criticism constructive, a suggestion or advice. Acts as if offended in this situation. In this way, anger is a usual component of its mood.

In this other article we give you a series of tips to learn to calm the inner rage.

How to stop being defensive

Now that you know why you are always defensive, here we are going to give you some tips to avoid this situation. Are the following:

• Correct your own insecurity. That is, the cause of this discomfort is not external, but internal. If you were really sure of yourself you would not give so much importance to the opinion of other people. And most importantly, you would use other arguments to express your criteria in these situations.
• Breath deeply, counts up to five and tries to observe the situation from distance to respond to the conversation with a greater perspective. It is very possible that, after having acted under the impulse of emotion, you regret having worked in that way and do not feel good about yourself. Therefore, observe how the fact of being on the defensive produces consequences that negatively affect you and your well -being. From the observation of these episodes, try to correct the dynamics of this sequence that you already know by heart.
• Acts with maturity before life. Stop blaming others for their own frustrations. Or stop evading your own responsibility when you are looking for constant excuses through the psychological game "yes, but". That is, he who is on the defensive, always finds a "but" that limits him. For example, when a person complains about some specific situation of his life, and his interlocutor offers possible solutions or alternatives, he will respond with messages that you follow the scheme “yes… but” in a clear example that, in reality, it does not go To do nothing but put excuses.
• Take that weight off because you do not need to defend yourself constantly. Simply, face personal relationships, solve conflicts from the perspective of the opportunity and remember that there is no single way of interpreting reality. You do not need to prove that you are always right.

Those who are in this situation live their life immersed in a constant struggle. But that's exhausting. He is confident that people are expressed from good intention, although sometimes, they can hurt your sensitivity. However, when you get on defensive, you close doors instead of opening them.

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why I'm always defensive, We recommend that you enter our category of emotions.