Why my partner produces anxiety and what to do

Love is considered one of the most addictive drugs, due to the amount of dopamine it produces in our body. Sometimes, love also creates a "abstinence syndrome" that can lead to anxiety in the couple. On the other hand, the feeling of feeling loved resembles the pleasure of opiates, that is, any positive love relationship causes in the brain circuits the same feeling of pleasure as the most synthetic drugs.

The gratification of the drug addict with his drug is reproduced biologically, in the same way as the pleasure of feeling connected to loved people. For this reason, when we begin to feel anxiety for our partner we must reverse these circuits again to return to that gratification when being with him or her. In this psychology-online article we explain to you Why your partner produces anxiety and what to do in this situations.

1. How to know if my partner produces anxiety
2. Why my partner produces anxiety
3. What to do when your partner produces anxiety

How to know if my partner produces anxiety

¿How to know if I have a couple anxiety? Anxiety is an anticipatory response to a future threat, associated with muscle tension, surveillance in relation to future danger and cautious or avoidant behaviors. Sometimes, the level of fear or anxiety is reduced by generalized avoidance behaviors.

To really know if your partner is producing anxiety, you should look at any of these symptoms when you are together or when you think about it/her:

• High Negative Valencia Regarding your partner.
• Excessive avoidance and escape from your partner and associated stimuli that can cause a feeling of well -being.
• Erroneous estimates of threat, that is, the meanings attributed to the stimulus (your partner) and the response derived from fear.
• Loss of interest and avoidance of satisfactory activities.
• You don't look for new sensations.
• Excessive fear of separation which affects a large number of everyday situations.
• This fear is derived from a normal evolutionary fear based on attachment theories.
• Rooted in the attachment system and implies the figures with which it is linked.
• Show one High sensitivity to be observed, evaluated or disapproved during your performance before your partner or in your relationship with others.
• Establish marked and strict rules Regarding what is understood by proper behavior.
• Have a low self-esteem.
• Suffer Anticipatory anxiety.

Why my partner produces anxiety

Then, we show you the possible causes for which your partner produces anxiety:

Separation anxiety (not sure attachment)

The attachment theory, whose formulation was initiated by John Bowlby, is about The universal human need to form emotional ties close to which to be able to resort in moments of suffering or stress. The image of one/a is related to the degree to which anxiety is experienced about being rejected or abandoned, so that people who have a positive vision of themselves tend to experience low anxiety in these cases, already who are considered worthy of being loved and cared for.

On the contrary, people who have a negative vision of themselves tend to express concern and fear of abandonment of their attachment figure. Similarly, people with insecure attach. People with insecure attachment styles are more reactive to the negative behaviors of their partners and experienced less satisfaction than safe people in attachment.

Fears and insecurities

The image of the other would be associated with the degree of avoidance that the person manifests with respect to nearby relationships. In this way, people who have a positive image of the other in terms of their reliability and availability will have greater ease to establish close relationships. On the contrary, those little perceptual people who have a negative vision of others, will tend to avoid getting involved more intimately In the links.

These two dimensions, anxiety and avoidance have been associated with different aspects of interpersonal functioning, so a lack of trust could contribute to greater anxiety in front of your partner, so that a way to reduce anxiety could be the increase in trust.

Situations external to your partner

Some external situations can make your partner exhaust you psychologically and generate anxiety. Some examples of these possible problems that have an impact on our relationship can be infertility, work stress, lack of time and an independent space in the home or past experiences with other couples, among others.

What to do when your partner produces anxiety

When your partner produces anxiety, it is important to know what are the causes that are making that emerge in you to be able to attack them. Once identified, it will be easier for us to find the solution to this problem.

Next we explain what you can do so that your partner stops giving you anxiety:

• Manage emotional dependence: Emotional dependence is a set addictive behaviors towards other people who produce role asymmetries. Jorge Castelló defines it as a “persistent pattern of unsatisfied emotional needs that are trying to cover with other people”, something that can generate anxiety if it is not covered. Therefore, it would be convenient to work on the management of the agency for decreasing anxiety.
• Increase trust in the couple.
• Improve your self -esteem: having a positive perception of yourself/will help reduce that anxiety and fear of being rejected.
• Go to therapy: When the anxiety we feel with our partner comes from the attachment relationship we have, for our lack of self -esteem or trust, go to therapy with a psychologist can help us acquire tools that help us manage the situation in the best way.
• Value continuity: In some cases, we can realize that this anxiety comes for how our partner is being at this time, something that can question them the continuity of the relationship if we value that neither he or she nor we are promoting any change to help us feel more relaxed.

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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