Forgive, do we know how to do it?

One of our best friends has just "betrayed". We can put ourselves in any situation. Imagine the pain we feel when someone close to us does something that prevents us from continuing friendship as before. We would never have imagined that person (friend, couple, family, etc), would do something like what he has done us. We feel immense pain for the act and above all, for disappointment. At the moment, It is necessary to know how to forgive, but what is forgive? Do we know how to do it?

Throughout the article, we will address what it consists of forgiveness, both what it is to forgive and what does not. We will also address what is the best way to apologize. Despite there is no exact way with which we will always be forgive, we can find a series of steps that can make us give us someone to forgive us. Finally, we should not forget that sometimes forgiveness is towards oneself. Let's start!

Content

• Forgive, what is really?
  • What is not forgiving
• How to apologize
  • Ask for forgiveness
  • Repentance
  • Behavior change
• Conclusion
  • Bibliography

Forgive, what is really?

There is the general belief that forgiving is forgetting. But is this true? When we forgive we forget everything that has happened? Or rather, when we forgive we should forget everything? Forgetting is equivalent to not remembering something, so if we take into account that we have memory, forgetting an important event will be extremely difficult, if not impossible. It is true that we forget phone numbers, addresses, the content of an exam; but Forgetting something that has impacted us emotionally, to date, it is too difficult.

"There is only forgiveness where there was something unforgivable". -Jacques Derrida-

So, if forgiving does not imply forgetting, what is it about? Forgiving consists of an exercise through which we are at peace with ourselves and with others. If someone breaks our trust, forgiving this person does not consist in forgetting what he has done to us, but in understanding why he has been able to do it and not "take firewood to the fire". The fact that they hurt us is already too painful to rummage in the wound, so the pErdonon is accepting what has happened and deciding not to turn around what happened For days, weeks or months.

What is not forgiving

Forgiving does not mean that a friendship or relationship should necessarily follow. If someone acts so incorrectly that it can be harmful in our lives, perhaps the best we can do is get away. In case of a friend, we would move away from him; In case of a relationship, we can put an end to. Forgiving is not a passive act, it is not resignation, it is not about accepting everything that happens to us without doing anything. If someone treats us badly every time he gets angry, we can forgive and understand him, but do we have to endure yes or yes this type of situations? Obviously not.

Fred Luskin (2008), director of research related to the forgiveness of Stanford University, says that Forgive is not:

• Accept cruelty.
• Forget that something painful has happened.
• Excuse bad behavior.
• A religious or supernatural experience.
• Deny or block pain.
• Necessarily reconcile with the offender, or stop feeling.

How to apologize

Is there any magic formula to apologize? Not really, however, Yes there are a number of steps so that our forgiveness is more sincere and can have more effectiveness. It should be said that it is a deep and interior act. If we want us to forgive us, our words must be authentic, so if our position is superficial, little effect will have. Among the points to highlight, three can be highlighted: apologize, regret and change behavior.

Ask for forgiveness

Asking for forgiveness implies by what happened. We know that we have been wrong and we want to solve it, so our first bridge towards the resolution of the conflict is Express our discomfort and set a hand by way of apology. In this way, the other person will know that we have noticed our mistake and that we intend to correct it.

Repentance

Repentance is not synonymous with psychological torture. Repentance consists of aware of the scope of the damage we have done and propose not to do it again. The damage can be ourselves, a person or several. Repent is of no use if we only whip for what happened. In this case it is a reflexive posture. If it is towards ourselves, we know the damage we have done. If it is towards others, we try to put ourselves in their situation and feel their pain.

Little by little, with this practice, we will be increasingly aware of how others feel when we carry out unfortunate actions. Thus, We will increase our empathy and we will be more aware of the damage we can be doing.

Behavior change

The change of behavior It is the demonstration that We have understood the damage we have caused and our commitment not to carry it out. It can also involve some type of compensation. For example, if we have caused material damage, we can repair it or pay for the arrangement. If the damage is emotionally, we can be closer to that person and show him that we are really interested and we want his happiness.

Conclusion

Forgiving is an act that we carry out with ourselves to be serene and enjoy inner calm. If we continue with the inner fire of anger, resentment or hate we will not be able to reach any state of tranquility. That is why, so important to learn to forgive, even when who has offended us is not ahead or is not already alive. A large number of people need to forgive a father or a deceased mother to be at peace with themselves.

Saying "I forgive you" and do it sincerely, implies that this flame of inner rabies goes out and we leave hole to well -being. Nothing consumes us inside, nothing takes away the joy. Forgive, without a doubt, it is an act towards others, but above all, with oneself to be happy again.

Bibliography