Love Neurobiology

Human beings can experience confusion due to the neurobiology of love that always seems to try to test, between what we want and what we know is the most convenient for us.

Content

• Love and desire
• How love develops in our brain
  • 1. The sexual impulse
  •  2. Romantic love
  • 3. Attachment to a long -term couple
• 8 actions to increase satisfaction in long -term couples
  • Conclusions
  • Links
  •  References

Love and desire

You can feel a strong attachment to a person for a long time, while feeling an intense romantic love for another that makes you sigh and takes away your dream, but you can also experience sexual desire towards other people ... well then We are able to feel interest and attraction for more than one person at the same time, due to our brain biology. Therefore, to maintain a long -term relationship, it is a good resource to make the daily decision of focus our attention and energy on that special person, Instead of looking for other attractive options in several ways for us, which can lead us to separation, and divorce, which are difficult events emotionally.

How love develops in our brain

So, if you have gone through some infidelity or you are engendering it deep in your brain ... it is important that you know that, in large part, the Love Neurobiology, This will help you remove some unnecessary faults and focus on working with the aspects that are in your hands, so that your relationship is more satisfactory, healthy and happy, understanding our biology can help you a bit. Due to our brain systems, we develop:

1. The sexual impulse

It is the desire that seek gratification and satisfy To itself, it produces mainly: dopamine, endorphins, norepinephrine and adrenaline, which make our judgment literally cloud; Therefore, some potential dangers are usually ignored. At this point, norepinephrine gives us energy to be with the couple performing many activities, guides our behavior towards a goal, it is when the dream takes away, attention is fixed in that special person and that impulse seeks to eliminate obstacles to satisfy their wishes.

 2. Romantic love

They are the desire and motivation that arise for being with that special person, not only in the sexual aspect. Here is also associated with dopamine, among other neurotransmitters; because during sex and with orgasm oxytocin and vasopressin are added, producing the feeling of link and connection with the other person. So casual sex can result in a crush, although that idea has not been done in mind, weakening the link of our stable relationship in case. According to Helen Fisher, romantic love is an impulse that makes us desire, and can even be more powerful than sexual desire, she came to this conclusion, taking data from the research she has done in this regard, supported by neurosciences and anthropology, mainly.

During a state of sexual excitation and orgasm, the frontal lobe areas are inhibited, so we reflect less What we do can lead us to reduce our critical capacity, due to prefrontal hearing loss. This can lead us to make inconvenient decisions for us, we can even fall into irresponsible behaviors with negative effects for ourselves and for our relationship.

3. Attachment to a long -term couple

It consists of the search for the feeling of calm and security that you can feel with a durable couple. Some experts like Helen Fisher, claim that Romantic love evolved to allow us to focus our mating energy on one person and thus conserve time and energy for other convenient activities for our evolution and that of our species; In turn, he affirms that attachment evolved to allow us to tolerate that human being called a couple, at least enough time to raise a child together.

At this stage, it is very important to take care of our relationship, strengthening the link through our actions, generally at this stage we know what pleases and not our partner, so that we can build an environment of greater mutual understanding and show greater empathy; he have interests and hobbies in common as children, projects, goals, yearnings, and dreams foster union.

The love that implies accompaniment is what many couples see how the natural progression of a successful relationship, but can be an unnecessary commitment. "Couples must fight for love with all ornaments", "and couples who have been together for a long time and wish to recover their romantic advantage should know that it is an attainable objective that, like most of the good things in life, requires energy and devotion", According to Acevedo's research.

There comes a time when testosterone levels in men go down and those of women rise a bit, Which makes they can live more easily.

Try to keep in mind why you chose that person and what did it and have made it unique and special for you all this time ... "One is in love when she realizes that another person is unique" (Borges). Why do we fall in love with one person instead of another? For several reasons, such as context, proximity, mystery, coupled with a list of qualities that we put to our platonic love, usually during childhood. Looking in this way to people with brain systems complementary to ours. We can learn to love better and use our differences to complement us better.

"Love can evoke very strong emotions in human being, infidelity can lead to generating negative emotions with moderate to serious consequences, but when love lasts and there is will, that relationship can heal through forgiveness.".

The advantages of having a long -term relationship are many for health, but the fundamental thing is that this is a personal choice, so we can build good long -term relationships if we have the willpower To do it.

Healthy marriages contribute to the mental and physical health of individuals, to the positive parenting of children, while protecting them from some mental, physical, educational and social problems. Almost no one gets involved in a long -term relationship, waiting for it. In the event that things would not work, we will stay with some peace of mind, because we did what was in our hands to rescue our love, remember that The relationship is a binomial consisting of two parts.

Maybe you are wondering: what can I do to improve my couple's relationship? Here are some ideas that can serve you.

8 actions to increase satisfaction in long -term couples

1. It is recommended that both continue to grow in different aspects of their life, such as: in the intellectual, professional and social among other areas; With this the admiration for the couple grows, it remains in the suspense and the mystery about the activities they carry out independently. In this way, you can be more interesting for your partner even if they have spent many years, avoiding falling into the feeling of satiety that some individuals experience when they feel that they have their very safe partner.
   Saint-Exupéry said: “Loving is not looking at each other; is to look together in the same direction ". So take time for yourself and to do those things that satisfy you, those that make you develop as a human being, seek to carry out a project or some hobby that enjoy, That will make you happier, while helping to improve your relationship.
2. Try to be kind and careful, first with yourself; Thus it will be simpler that you are also kind to your partner. Try to be more aware, kind and affable, are directly associated qualities with high levels of satisfaction within a couple.
3. Passionate love can appear intermittently, acting as little sparks that can keep alive and increase the fire of love. To do this, it is advisable to surprise from time to time to your partner with a small detail or a great action that is to your liking.
4. Build your union based on shared intimacy and identity, while establishing limits to protect your autonomy and that of your partner. Protecting individuality and autonomy within a relationship will experience higher levels of satisfaction, since both will continue to be involved in the mystery of their own individuality, an aspect that an beginning attracted them so much.
5. Promote a rich and pleasant sexual relationship, protecting it from the intrusions of different classes and family obligations. Couples with children and with babies especially, usually adopt responsibilities and roles of paternity that can be overwhelming; Always remember to give time and dedication to your partner, the transition to paternity does not have to move them sexually. Keep opening to new experiences and try to increase your flexibility physical and mental.
6. Use the humor and the laughter To keep things in perspective, to avoid boredom and isolation, but not to offend or to denigrate your partner.
7. Offers breath and support, Thus he will be more likely to improve, because he could feel motivated; Instead of giving only negative criticism, remember that your partner can meet both the best, as the worst expectations we have about them. Hopefully the best, and build our phrases with more care.
8. Estimate and value unique virtues and details That that person has had, keeping in our minds live the first romantic and idealized images of when we fall in love, can help you face difficulties in the life of a couple and resist the changes produced by time.

Conclusions

Thanks to the advances in science and technology, we can have in our hands a relationship that is “prohibited fruit”, more easily or dispose of all the information we have and resort to the appropriate professionals to guide us to have better relationships , to overcome our differences and to establish lasting relationships that are more satisfactory and healthy, if it is what we want ... because both are decisions that are in our hands day by day.

Helen Fisher said: "We have to enter the century of friendly marriage, adopting a collaboration pattern that is highly compatible with the human spirit".

You can choose to pay attention to those aspects that could grow your long -term relationship And that perhaps require some special attention, such as: "maintenance" and changes, mainly of your own person. Or is it that you prefer to pay attention to the other stimuli that attract you regardless of the consequences? Regardless of the answer and personal decision, we have to remember that the consequences of infidelity do not always lead to a convenient or satisfactory outcome. It is generally like that for ourselves and for those who could be affected with it, as the children, in case of having them.  The forgiveness It can help heal a relationship that suffered an infidelity, However, it is a fire test that many do not resist, so psychological support is advised to help heal.

We have to move towards a more collaborative society, where the characteristics of each genre lead us to value the other, where there is a greater and mutual understanding, remember that the cell of society is the family, and it begins with a couple.

It may interest you: Personality and Couple Compatibility Test

Links

• https: // www.APA.org/News/Press/Releases/2009/03/Romance-Relationships
• Key Statistics From The National Survey of Family Growth

 References

• ARTICLE: “Does A Long-Term Relationship Kill Romantic Love?"Bianca p. Acevedo, PHD, and Arthur Aron, PHD, Stony Brook University; Review of General Psychology, Vol. 13, no. 1.
• Fisher, h. (2004). Why we love: nature and chemistry of romantic love. Santa Fe, Bogotá: Taurus thought.