We have everything and we are not happy, why?

If we observe carefully, we can realize that we have everything to be happy but we are not. Let's be sincere and let's look at us around, most of us have a house, food, clothing, etc. That is, we have the indispensable to build sustainable happiness but we still feel empty. It gives us the feeling that we always lack something and we begin to project ourselves in the future. "When I have my own house I will be happy", "When I buy the new car I will be happy", "When I finish the race I will be happy". However, once we get everything we want ... we still do not be happy. What happen?

Content

• We have everything but we adapt: ​​hedonistic adaptation
• Fallacy of arrival
• 3 ways to increase our happiness
  • 1. Gratitude
  • 2. Real expectations
  • 3. More do and less think
• We have everything, let's appreciate it!
  • Bibliography

We have everything but we adapt: ​​hedonistic adaptation

Our car is many years old and we have eye to one that we like very much. We visualize ourselves with him, setting us, touching him, smelling new and making a long -distance trip. We invad us a feeling of well -being and happiness that makes us want even more the vehicle. We have saved and the big day comes: we bought it. During the first months, every time we take the car seems to be living a dream. We have the feeling that we already have everything to feel good. However, As time passes that "happiness" we felt is decreasing until disappearing.

What is hedonistic adaptation? It is the fact that When something that produces pleasure becomes common, stops producing that pleasure. In a context of conditioning and learning, "habituation process" would be called, that is, when a stimulus is repeated over time, the answer is less and less intense. If a song we like a lot and excites us, when listening to it many times it can not only stop exciting us, but we can hate it. Thus, through hedonistic adaptation, what we have achieved stops producing happiness because it becomes common.

Fallacy of arrival

We spend half a life waiting for something new to be happy. "When I have my own home I will be happy," we can tell ourselves. But when we have our own house, new headaches begin: mortgage, light, water, home insurance, etc. "When I bought the new mobile I will be happy", but after two months we have become accustomed (hedonistic adaptation) and it doesn't cause us happiness. The fallacy of arrival is to believe that when we achieve something we want a lot we will be happy. We imagine with a goal achieved and with a happy life. We imagine in a life in which we have everything, but when we approach that goal we continue without being happy.

At this point there is key to highlight that we deposit too many expectations on external. We overvalue it to the point of believing that it will make us happy for a long time, What is known as durability bias. And, at the same time, there is an affective prediction, which consists in exaggerating the level of happiness that can cause us to reach a goal. "When I have the new car I will be happy to work". We imagine going to work so happy that we even think we will better cope with the working day. We idealize our life once a certain goal is achieved.

In this section, we can observe that in the fallacy of the arrival we not only deposit our happiness in something future, but also two factors influence: affective prediction and durability bias. That is to say, We overvalue the ability of an objective of becoming happy and extending that happiness in an excessive way in time. Thus, what can we do so that they do not fall into these traps of the mind and increase our real happiness levels?

3 ways to increase our happiness

1. Gratitude

Gratitude is a psychological process that will help us increase our levels of happiness. We give many things for that and that is why we do not appreciate them. A good exercise is to thank every day internally to have the bed in which we have slept, the breakfast we have taken, have a car or a means of transport that takes us to work, have food at noon and dinner at night .. When we begin to thank what we have, our relationship with the outside begins to change. Our aspirations to possess something external to be happier become more realistic.

Some people can relate internal gratitude to a religious aspect, however, nothing is further from reality. In some religions it is also practiced, but it is a psychological technique that provides great benefits. As Martínez (2006) points out "gratitude along with the qualities of being able to appreciate, perceive and savor the experiences of life are considered determining factors for the well -being of people". On the other hand, Emmons and McCullough (2003) claim that thanks "It is a psychological adaptation strategy by which daily experiences are interpreted in a positive way".

2. Real expectations

When we deposit so many expectations in happiness that something external can provide us with the risk of falling into the fallacy of the arrival. However, it is not as negative as it seems if we know how to find balance. What does this mean? The fallacy of arrival can help us achieve our goal through motivation. But here we must be very realistic and Knowing that no matter how great an achievement is not synonymous with happiness. And, of course, it will not give us a lasting happiness.

3. More do and less think

An experiment carried out by the doctor in Psychology Jamie Gruman (2018) and published in the article If you want to be happy, Don't Think about it too a lot (if you want to be happy, do not think too much , found that People who thought about how to be happy reported more levels of anxiety and depression that those who spent more time to rewarding activities.

That is, instead of thinking so much how to be happy, let's go to it! Let's not think so much about doing an activity and, for example, hiking, let's do it! If we are sincere, we can recognize that We spend more time thinking about "I should do ...", than to do it. How many should sports? How many should we meditate? And a long etcetera of things we should do but they only stay in a thought. We know that we have everything, we know that we can do endless activities that can fill us, but we think more about them than to do them.

It is important to emphasize that in these "it should" it is not so much about reaching a goal but also enjoying and implying ourselves on the road. If we want to have a muscular gym based, the recommendation is to enjoy sport and know if one day we get the body we want will not guarantee us happiness. Hence It is essential not to deposit the expectations of our happiness in the result, but in the process, to enjoy the present.

We have everything, let's appreciate it!

After reading the article, the reader can realize that we have everything to have a solid base of happiness. However, our belief that happiness is yet to come is a false belief that takes us to think that one day we will reach it. In this way, we lose sight of both what we are as what we have and postpone our well -being. Thus, It is essential to live in the present, without regretting the past or depositing excessive expectations in the future.

Bibliography

• Martínez, m. L. (2006). The scientific study of transcendental strengths from positive psychology. Clinic and health. 17 (3), 245-25
• McCullough, m. AND., Emmons, r. TO. And Tsang, J. TO. (2002). The Grateful Device: A Conceptual and Empirical Topography. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 82 (1), 112-127.
• Gruman, j. (2018). If you want to be happy, Don't Think about it too a lot. Psychology Today.