Positive discipline

The Positive discipline It has its base in the teachings of Alfred Adler and Rudolph Dreikurs. Adler was a student of the behavior of the human being whose ideas remain in force even today Adler developed individual psychology which applies to improve the interpersonal relationships of the individual, family and society. One of Adler's disciples was Rudolph Dreikurs, author of countless books aimed at parents and teachers to understand the practical application of the Adlerian theory. Many of the concepts suggested by Dreikurs were misunderstood by some adults in raising their children. This lack of understanding led to an inadequate application of the suggested techniques and the adults used them to take advantage over the knots and win them instead of letting them feel winners.

Content

• What is positive discipline based
• Family meetings
• Generous and firm father
• Use the phrase "I have noticed"
• Know how to choose
• Natural consequences of the learning process
• Logical consequences
• Taken beyond the consequences
  • 1. This is not obvious - this is not logical
  • 2. Focus on solutions instead of consequences
  • 3. Involve the child in solutions
  • 4. Focuses the future instead of the past
  • 5. OPPORTUNITY-RESPONSIBILITY-CONSECTION
  • 6. Plan in advance
  • 7. Revealing is the fourth "r" of logical consequences
• Offer monitoring of your children
  • Bibliographic references

What is positive discipline based

Winning children makes them develop a feeling of losers who create them rebels and highly submissive. None of these characteristics is desirable for children. Developing winning children means teaching them to be cooperative and responsible, to develop skills for solving problems and self -discipline in an environment in which mutual respect prevails. Positive discipline emphasizes these principles of dignity and respect between parents and children. Is a discipline based on cooperation, mutual respect and sharing responsibilities which makes daily coexistence more effective than in a discipline where absolute control or lack of this prevails.

By Positive discipline is understood as teaching that helps to understand the inappropriate behavior of children, It promotes positive attitudes towards children and teaches them to have good behavior, responsibility and interpersonal skills through the use of the principles of generosity, stimulus and mutual respect. Positive discipline gives parents tools to guide their children in a positive and effective way.

Many of the suggestions offered in this training will give you the key to be a good father every day, so that you can help your children gain value, trust and skills for life.

Key points that we must remember before explaining the tools so that parents get their children to be happy, responsible and individuals who contribute to this society:

• Remember that the long -range purpose of parents is to help their children in the development of their self -esteem and the skills of life they need to be effective human beings, happy and contributory members to the well -being of their family and society.
• Select the most appropriate tools or suggestions according to your circumstances.

To be able to develop feelings or actions that may be more effective for your child remember:

• Maintain dignity and respect for you and your child.
• Draw long -range goals in your mind.
• Focus on solutions instead of punishments.
• Investigate what your child wants or has decided. This can be quite different from what you try to teach you.
• Try to involve your child to learn to work towards solutions. By involving him to encourage and develop life skills.
• Work with these tools in a flexible way, since not all children are equal.

Before starting to use these tools in raising your children, ask yourself: what did you bring about your child? After this you will be ready to begin to know what will be the most effective tools you will use as a father in raising your child.

Family meetings

Many family problems can be solved with meetings. These have many benefits for their members. The main benefits are all life skills that the child can learn, such as: communication skills, cooperation, mutual respect, creativity, responsibility, learning to express their feelings and how to have fun or enjoy as a family.

In addition, they may experience that errors provide an opportunity to learn and develop a more solid union in the family. Parents can solve any dispute with their children suggesting that the problem is put on the agenda to discuss or solve it in the next family meeting.

Important components for a successful family reunion

1. Establish a schedule for the meeting - This can be once a week-. In the family reunion it is important that all family members are.
2. Prepare an agenda - This must be put in a visible place where everyone can see, read and write some matter that they wish to discuss- (it can be at the door of the fridge).
3. Start the meeting with compliments and recognitions Of the good things that each one has done. This gives everyone's opportunity to receive and strengthen the comments expressed.
   • Rote the positions of leader and scorer. The leader is the one who opens the meeting, reads the issues to be discussed, asks who wants to speak and keeps the order of the meeting. The scorer writes the suggestions and circulates the agreements.
   • When several solutions or ideas arise to solve some situation, vote for each solution. The whole family must agree with the solution exposed before it is implemented. Sometimes the exposed problem or situation needs to be more studied or discussed so the solution can take more than a week before the family agrees.
   • It is more important to observe than listening to people when they bring their problems or issues, it may be enough to express a solution or change. Other times the situation presented requires that the family discuss it more and express their ideas where everyone has a solution to achieve a solution.
   • The family must carry a calendar of activities and write down the walks and activities they have planned.
   • Some families end the meeting with a game or giving the members a dessert. The meeting must be fun and productive.

Take time for family meetings is profitable, although the planned is not always achieved. Parents have to learn to guide their children and positively control them children must learn that they must listen and take this activity seriously. If the first one does not work, try several times more. Remember that long -range benefits are more important in terms of frustrations and failures. An important part of growth and learning process are simply failures.

Generous and firm father

Being generous is easy for some parents, but they have the difficulty of being firm. This action is usually directed by excessive permissibility. Other parents find easy to be firm, but forget about being generous. Neither of these two actions are healthy for children, since they do not help them in the development of life skills. They need to be happy, taxpayers and trained young people.

The formula to develop trained young people is to establish a balance between firmness and generosity. Firmness means properly using reliability principles. Generosity means maintaining dignity and respect between both parties (father and son). Generosity invites children to manipulate and evade responsibilities. Dictatorial power (being firm without having generosity) invites children to be rebels and challenge authority. Firmness and generosity guide children to cooperate and know the borders where they can feel safe.

Ask questions, that?, as?, because?, instead of saying what can cause an action

Many parents tell children what can happen to them if they incur certain actions, how they can feel and what they should do in relation to the particular situation. Guiding children in the development of their own knowledge and judgments is a mistake because they are removed the opportunity to learn. Teach children how to think better. We can help them develop their thoughts and trial skills. We can ask you, what is happening?, Why do you think that is happening?, How do you feel about them?, How can you use this knowledge next time?

It is important to remember that the questions why?, that? and how? They are appropriate only when you have the genuine interest in knowing the thoughts and feelings of children.

Be attentive to inappropriate questions that hurt people's feelings, such as: why did you do that?, Why do you feel that way?, Why do you have courage? It is difficult for people to answer these questions because they feel helpless and have inappropriate feelings.

Use the phrase "I have noticed"

Do not ask tram questions. These are the questions you know the answer and the purpose is to catch the child.

Example: Did you do your assignment?
Did you brush your teeth?
Did you clean your room?

Instead of asking these trapped questions I use the phrase, "I have noticed '" that you have not washed your teeth, "I have noticed" that you have not done the assignments. If the child answers this: "Yes, I did it," then you can say, "I was wrong," or, "I would like to see what you did".

Know how to choose

Give the child at least two options. There are times to choose is not the most appropriate. This occurs specifically with young children. It is not appropriate to choose between going to school or not going. hurt someone, or be in a risky situation how to get on the roof of a house.

You can accept certain options that children can choose, such as; Take piano classes or decide not to take them, go to bed at 8:15 or at 8:30 at night, put the dirty clothes in the place that corresponds or put it dirty. If you are not willing to leave your child without giving money or wear dirty clothes, do not give you options.

Young children need limits to choose. As they grow, they need more alternatives to choose unless you do not face you with a power struggle.

Natural consequences of the learning process

The natural consequences are simple and very effective in e! learning process. These occur naturally, for example: when you stop in the rain, you get wet; When you forget to eat, you are hungry: when you do not wash your clothes it stays dirty.

Logical consequences

The logical consequences are a bit more complicated. Parents intervention is required when the natural consequence is not appropriate because it can be harmful or can hurt someone. This consequence can be long -range, for example: having to fix your mouth because it has a damaged tooth. The three "r '; of the logical consequence provide us with a guide, these are: related, respectful and reasonable. These apply for both parents and children.

The logical consequences can be verbal. If the little boy treats the dog in a rough form, immediately separate the child or the dog from which they are together. If the child does not put the dirty clothes in the basket for dirty clothes, say nothing; I just don't wash clothes. Have faith that over time, your child will capture your responsibility.

Taken beyond the consequences

Many parents and teachers use logical consequences as a way for children to pay for a fact instead of focusing on future solutions. They think they develop punishment using words with logical consequences. There are eight suggestions to be sure that the consequences will not be a disguised or disguised punishment.

1. This is not obvious - this is not logical

One of the most popular questions we hear is: what will be the logical consequence for any action? The answer to this is: if the consequence is not obvious, then this is not appropriate, for example, when a child makes drawings on the wall, if we use the three words guides to analyze a consequence (related-resuming-razonable) what is Wait is that the child clean the wall where he drew. If this is very small, at least, you should help clean it.

2. Focus on solutions instead of consequences

Instead of looking the logical consequences, it is more effective to look at the solutions. It is a mistake to think more about the logical consequence of each behavior. We try to put less emphasis on the consequences and more interest in solving the problem.

3. Involve the child in solutions

Children are a great resource to whom, many times, we do not give them the opportunity to prove it. They make the agreements more gladly when it is something related to their things. They develop their own trust and healthy self -esteem when their recommendations are heard and taken seriously. When we value their contribution, they experience the sense of belonging. Then they behave better and are more eager to learn from their mistakes and work on problem solving.

4. Focuses the future instead of the past

Another point is that we are more interested in the punishment than in the consequence, in this situation is when we focus on the past instead of the future. The emphasis, many times, is to make the child pay for what he did instead of looking at the solutions that can help him in the future.

5. OPPORTUNITY-RESPONSIBILITY-CONSECTION

This formula can help define when the logical consequence is appropriate for every opportunity that the child has a related responsibility. The obvious consequence is not to accept responsibility and lose the opportunity. Example: A teenager who has the opportunity to use the family car could have the responsibility to leave the gas tank, at least, full. When the tank is not halfway, the consequence is that the adolescent loses the opportunity to use the car because he did not comply with the established agreements. This formula is effective only if the consequence is respectfully reinforced, then the adolescent can have another opportunity as soon as he proves ready to execute the responsibility.

Avoid forcing the child, do not force him to do things through a punishment sitting him and telling him what he did. Instead of punishing him teach him how he could solve this in the future. The punishment that is given must be based on the consequence of making the child feel bad so that next time it does well.

6. Plan in advance

Children do not feel punished if they can prevent consequences in advance. During the family meeting or in the session of solving problems, ask what your suggestions about the consequences for any behavior are. This helps them learn the correct behavior. An example of this is asking them the following question: What do you think about the use of the phone in an adequate and beneficial way for all family members? What do you think about what would be the logical consequence of returning the car with the empty tank?

7. Revealing is the fourth "r" of logical consequences

If children do not get involved in planning, at least, they should be notified in advance the consequences that any situation would bring. Example: They can be told that if they use the room, it must be arranged in an appropriate way for another family member to use it. Increasing responsibility and sharing power is effective. If a family problem arises and needs help to solve it, you can bring the problem to the family meeting and solve it with the participation of all members.

Offer monitoring of your children

Offering monitoring can reduce great frustrations and conflicts with children At the time they are taught any positive skill of life offering monitor.

When he speaks with his children, you have a short message of ten words, or less and firmly. A word can be very effective, for example: when a child under six does not want. If the child resists, offer alternatives, ask, do you want you to look for your story books or do you?, We have to read the story until 8:00 p.m. Yeah. He resists, will be in front of a power struggle and has to fight with that looking for the cause. You may need attention, you want to challenge power, you may feel helpless, or it can simply be for revenge. Look for what is the reason and try to stimulate it, influencing it positively.

What makes children learn? What they do can have a logical consequence, which can be what you say, followed by a firm and generous action. The child is learning about what is responsibility. He has the alternative to go light to bed and have time to listen to the story or have less time to listen to the same. One of the greatest gifts that can be given to a child is the opportunity to learn about dealing with yourself and others with dignity and respect, what for you will be to give you a very valuable demonstration.

Bibliographic references

• Beltrán, j. (2016). Positive discipline: educate with firmness and affection. Editorial Kairós.
• Garcia, m. (2017). Positive discipline in the classroom: Teachers Guide. Narcea editions.
• Jane, n. (2019). The positive discipline in the classroom: how to create a respectful and cooperative educational environment. Brouwer falls out.
• Martínez, a. (2015). Positive discipline for young children: how to educate with firmness and love. Editorial Kairós.
• Nelsen, j. (2015). Positive discipline: how to educate with firmness and affection. Editorial Kairós.

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