Positive Interaction Parents-child

Children live a period of rapid growth and development that represents a clear difference against the relative stability of adults

In addition to the physical changes associated with maturation, there are important social, cognitive and behavioral changes that have deep repercussions for child psychopathology and its treatment.

Age is presented as one of the most important aspects to take into account, in the consideration and prognosis of child behavior, given that what can be absolutely normal at a certain age may no longer be in another age (fighting , wet the bed, fears or sexual activity). Behaviors of this type are considered in a very different way and have a different forecast according to the child's age that manifests them. In fact, most of the symptoms of children's disorders are adequate, or at least typical behaviors in the early stages of development (hyperactivity, restlessness and even aggression). For example, epidemiological studies of normal children show that parents report that approximately half of the children are hyperactive and distracted restless; The most characteristic symptoms of hyperactivity disorder with attention deficit.

Age must also be taken into account when determining whether to intervene, the choice of the type of treatment and when it is to be intervened. This implies a complicated task due to systematic changes in behavioral and emotional patterns that occur in the course of development.

To maintain a good relationship it is necessary for communication to be good and always open.

• Talking is not everything. It is better to speak in a low tone of voice but that entails a real consequence.
• The tactics to develop a good communication must adapt to age and child's maturity.

The appropriate order to promote good communication is to go from more consequences with less words when they are small, and more words with less consequences as the adolescence period approaches.

In general, it is best to use more direction with a small child and more communication with a older child.

Example:

Tell a 2 -year -old child that the burning sticker can make him understand with the time that he should not touch it, but withdraw his hand and firmly decide: No!, makes you immediately understand what is intended. However, a teenager who is drinking beer or smoking may need punishment, but will not help much if information about alcohol and drugs are not given.

Content

• How to listen to our children to communicate their concerns, feelings ..
  • Observe your behavior
  • Help you express your emotions
  • Time to listen to children
  • Some tips for parents
• How to speak to the child
• How to understand our children
• The steps to follow standards are ..
  • A) Observe the children carefully
  • B) Analyze problematic situations
  • C) Establish the rules
  • D) Be coherent when applying them
• How to make decisions about our child

How to listen to our children to communicate their concerns, feelings ..

Observe your behavior

When the child begins to act suddenly in a different way, it is very possible that he tries to communicate something.

Miguel, 8 years old had become destructive, broke toys and things from the house. It was discovered that he was very worried about his father's health, which was precarious, but he never spoke in his presence. With help, he was able to express his feelings and stop manifesting his fears.

Help you express your emotions

The process of teaching a child to define and express their emotions is slow and is a lot of insistence.

With very young children it is useful to use the "tree of feeling". As the child becomes older, it is useful. What do you think is?... and fire after a short talk can be achieved that the child verbalize that is jealous, .. .

We must not forget that not only should he be taught to express his feelings but also a consequence to his behavior must also be added.

Example:

Javier, 4 years old is trying to fit two pieces of a toy and does not get it. He is getting angry and finally throws the toy to the ground. His mother explains that it is normal for him to feel "annoying" and that when he feels like this he must ask for help. But also adds a consequence "when you throw things like this you will not see them again in the whole afternoon".

Time to listen to children

It is very important to find a daily time to talk to our children, in which they tell us what happened to them during the day and their feelings, so that they feel free to give us details.

Some tips for parents

• Concert quotes to speak. Do not forget to fulfill the appointments.
• Load the maximum attention. It acts as if you had all the time in the world and as if it were a friend who had a problem.
• The conversation begins. Sometimes they have a hard time starting. Then they will serve phrases such as: "let's talk" or "tell me what worries you"; Sometimes, it is much better to be more specific: "When you have arrived from school you seemed very sad. Do you want to tell me what happened to you? ".The child may say that he does not want to speak at that time. Then answer it and let him know that you can speak later, when he is arranged. It is also possible that your child needs one more push and that first telling him a story or inventing a story where a child appears like your child, to which something similar happens ... it may then begin to express yourself. Other times it is best to start by sitting next to him and waiting without hurry to start.
• Hold the living conversation. Resists the temptation to summarize what counts before it ended. Avoid giving long speeches ... Follow the thread as a friend to escape from a policeman making an interrogation. You must learn to put yourself in your place, let you know that you understand how you feel, put yourself up to the world's vision that your child has, that it should not necessarily be the exact "truth" of what happened. Finally let your child know that you are happy to share your feelings with you: "Thank you for telling me", "I'm glad you tell me, I know it will have cost you", ... or just a hug.

How to speak to the child

• Look in the eye and encourage your child to also look at you like this. If your child costs it, it may be useful to play at another time the "game of looks".
• Don't forget to praise him when he does.
• Talk to him with a firm and relaxed voice.
• Use simple phrases. And avoid speeches.
• Explain to your child the feelings that produce their actions or attitudes to escape from criticizing him directly (in addition to establishing consequences when necessary): "I am very angry when you leave your toys without collecting and I have to collect them", "I Focus a lot when it takes a long time to eat and I have to wait to collect the kitchen and I can't be then with you by reading you a story "..
• Learn to use first -person phrases instead of second. In this way, criticism is avoided and the child is blamed and you do not stop expressing your emotions effectively.
• Say what you think and think what you say.

How to understand our children

Below we offer some ideas that can guide for a good relationship parents and children:

• Parents and children are not equal in all aspects. The only difference is the natural dependence of the child in relation to security, support and food, which gives parents a natural responsibility on broad areas of the child's life.
• Parents who punish children who do not behave as expected of them are not "bad parents". The punishment is only bad when:
  • It does not serve to change a child's behavior
  • Entails unwanted consequences for the child
• Parents promote the sense of security in children When they say exactly what they intend, when they say it clearly and when they are consistent and predictable in their behavior.
• A child can develop their sense of responsibility only when he is considered responsible for his actions. This sense of responsibility can and should be taught by parents.
• Paternal authority does not have to be exercised abusive, Male, hard or harmful to the child. However, the authority corresponds to parents.
• Most of the difficulties between parents and children arise from the struggle that are established to have power and control. Parents should know how to win this battle when necessary, so that they can give power to their children when it is more advisable.

The keys to solving most of the difficulties that parents have with their children consist of establishing rules, marking the consequences that derive from the rupture of these norms and using a coherent discipline.

Effective standards contribute to the child feeling safe, so not to have to behave badly.

A set of norms defines what are the relationships between family members, offers guidelines to make decisions and provides ideas on how changes within the family should occur. The procedure of establishing norms and limits for children is not immovable because they must adjust to changing circumstances such as physical growth, intellectual and affective maturation and the new conditions of family life. If a similar process is not produced in the family, chaos will be inevitable. All its members will feel insecurity and anxiety when there are lack of understanding and confusion in the role that each one must play to have adequate behavior.

The steps to follow standards are ..

A) Observe the children carefully

The mere presence of parents makes a child's behavior really what would have. To understand these "other" behaviors we must be able to observe children without them by realizing our presence. Also ask friends or relatives what their child's behavior seems. When a child is observed what if you have to avoid is the tendency to be only the things that you do wrong, instead of observing their general behavior.

One of the main difficulties that parents experience when they observe their children derives from their desires to intervene in their behavior. If you want your child to behave "properly", remember that unfortunate intervention can only get unwanted behavior.

B) Analyze problematic situations

First, find out what is the problem. The best way to define a problem is to identify a behavior you want to change.

One of the temptations that parents most frequently suffer by defining a problem is to want to modify the emotional state or feelings of the child. The most effective, on the contrary, is trying to modify behavior. If a behavior is modified, most of the time also changes the emotional state that supported that behavior.

Once the problem is defined, the next step will be to analyze it. To do so we need all the information we can gather: when has it emerged? As? What are its consequences? What part of it corresponds to us? How do we react? Do we understand why we react that way? What would we like to do? How would we like this situation to be resolved by itself?. To analyze each problem the most convenient is that parents, with each other or with another person, are able to speak.

After analyzing it, the next step will be to consider the different possibilities to be able to solve it. Then, it should be reviewed each of them taking into account if we are able to do what each possibility requires, the probable consequences that this may have in the child and in ourselves, and also if the solution is reasonable as soon as it refers to time , energy and money.

C) Establish the rules

• The norms must be reasonable
• Parents must make sure they can distinguish when the standard has been met and when not.
• We must describe the rules in detail
• Standards must establish a time limit
• There must be some planned consequence if compliance with a standard is broken

D) Be coherent when applying them

Consistency is a way to inform the child that parents really think what they say. The coherent application of good rules will promote order and discipline in the family, will give security and contribute to everyone to offer a better disposition.

How to make decisions about our child

Parents who are so difficult to make decisions regarding their children have no confidence in how to act.

For certain parents, any result other than an immediate and spontaneous understanding or an effective response to difficulties is a sign of their personal disability. This is a real nonsense, No one was born as a father. On the contrary, being a father is something that is learned.

It is not easy to take decisions on how to proceed with children. We have to do what we can with what we have. As a father, you will need to have time to sit quietly to analyze the difficulties of your children and to decide what to do.

When parents are undecided in relation to their children, they perceive it and this affects their feelings of security and well -being.

If we are wrong when choosing, parents and children continue together and We can correct the mistakes made in the past. This will to act with decision, even given the possibility of making mistakes, is what allows the adult to acquire a certain degree of confidence, which in turn will provide the ability to correct their mistakes.

Parents who are undecided offer their children an unbeatable opportunity to be capricious and dominant creating a climate of increasing tension.

When parents are also willing to admit their mistakes and learn from them, they are also creating the necessary climate so that children, in turn, admit their own mistakes and learn from them.