I have returned with my ex but it's not the same, what do I do?

The past always exerts a powerful influence on our lives. By giving a second chance to a past relationship, a series of situations can occur, such as that the spark can turn on again and experience a renewed passion and connection. However, the opposite can also happen, since time and experiences may have changed one of the members, and even both.

In this Psychology-online article, we will talk about a frequent situation and loaded with emotions: "I have returned with my ex, but it is not the same. ¿What I do?"

1. I have returned with my ex, but I have doubts, is it normal?
2. Why have I returned with my ex but it is not the same
3. What to do if I have returned with my ex but it is not the same

I have returned with my ex, but I have doubts, is it normal?

Yes, it is completely normal to have doubts when returning with a former. Love relationships are complex and full of excitement and make the decision to revive a past relationship is no exception. There may be a variety of reasons for doubts in this situation. First, memories, emotions and experiences can be both comforting and complicated and sometimes, It is difficult to separate the feelings from the past from reality of the present.

Relationships can change over time due to personal circumstances and life experiences. Doubts can arise when you realize that both you and you have evolved and accept that you may no longer be the same person you were in the previous relationship.

On the other hand, it is also natural to have Fear of making the same mistakes that led to the initial rupture. Anxiety about whether the relationship will face the same problems can generate doubts and fears about the future, in addition to expectations, another common source of doubts. In this sense, you may have different expectations about what the relationship will be like this time. This discrepancy can lead to ask if they are in the same tune and if it resumes the relationship it has been the best decision for the two.

Why have I returned with my ex but it is not the same

Reunitating with an ex can generate a great variety of emotions and expectations, but, in many occasions, reality does not coincide with what we remembered or wanted. Therefore, it is essential to understand the most common causes of why when returning with an ex, the relationship may feel different:

• Individual changes: Over time, both you and you will have experienced personal changes because each one has continued their life separately, thus acquiring new experiences. These changes can be both positive and negative, to the point of affecting the dynamics of the relationship. However, new perspectives, values ​​and life goals can also lead to unexpected and rewarding challenges.
• Expectations: expectations are a crucial component in any relationship. When returning with an ex, expectations may have changed or not discussed properly. If you are not on the same page regarding what you expect from the relationship, there is the possibility that conflicts arise.
• Past wounds: If the previous relationship ended as a consequence of emotional wounds or unresolved problems, these may arise again. Without addressing these issues properly, it is difficult to advance constructively so that the same situations that led to the breakup will not be repeated again. Here we explain how to heal emotional wounds from the past.
• Insufficient communication: The lack of effective communication is another recurring problem when someone returns with their ex -partner, since they can lead to misunderstandings, aggravate the differences and create a gap in the emotional connection.
• Routine and monotony: routine and monotony can cause the relationship to seem less exciting or exciting than before. Although this is normal, a mutual effort is required to overcome and revitalize the relationship.
• Comparisons: constantly comparing the current relationship with the previous one can generate dissatisfaction and frustration. Each relationship is unique, so it is important to accept that it will not be identical to the first. In fact, that is the idea for the relationship to work.
• External pressure: The opinions and expectations of friends and family can put pressure on the relationship. This social pressure can generate additional stress and negatively affect the dynamics of the couple.

What to do if I have returned with my ex but it is not the same

If you decide to give a second chance to a relationship with your ex -partner and realize that things are not as they used to be, it is important to address the situation calmly and understanding. Here are some useful tips to travel this situation.

• Keep an open communication: The basis of any solid relationship is communication. Therefore, speak openly and sincerely with your partner about your feelings, doubts and expectations and listen to their perspectives. Communication can help identify problems and find solutions together.
• Reflect on change: Accept that people and relationships change over time. Reflect on how you have changed from the rupture and how these changes can be affecting the current relationship. Learning to accept and adapt to these changes is essential to maintain a positive and healthy relationship with your partner.
• Establishes new objectives: Instead of clinging to the previous relationship, consider establishing new objectives and expectations for the relationship. For example, ask yourself what you want to achieve with your partner this time and how you can work to achieve those goals.
• Go to tCouple era: If the differences, doubts or problems persist, consider resorting to the help of a couple therapist. Therapy can provide tools and strategies to address difficulties and improve communication.
• Remember the positive aspects: Although it is important to recognize the current problems, do not forget the happy and positive moments you shared in the past. These memories can serve as powerful reminders of what you can achieve together.
• Be patient and understanding: Reconciliation takes time and effort, so I know patient and with your partner while working together to overcome difficulties. Mutual understanding and empathy are key to overcoming these moments of doubt.
• Consider closing the chapter: Sometimes, despite efforts and love, the relationship cannot be recovered. If you realize that you still feel love towards person, but you think it is not enough for you to be together again, consider the possibility of moving forward and learning from the experience for future relationships.

If you want more information about it, you can also read our article ¿The second opportunities in love work?

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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