Strategies for anger control

We all know what anger is, because we have ever felt it: either like a fleeting emotion or as a complete state of rage.

Anger is a emotion completely normal, generally healthy and above all, human. But when our control escapes and becomes destructive, it can lead us to suffer serious problems at work, our personal relationships, and in our quality of life in general. Logically, this can make us feel as if we were at the mercy of an unpredictable and also powerful force.

Content

• What is anger?
• The expression of anger
• Strategies for anger control
  • Relaxation
  • Cognitive restructuring
    • Advice
  • Look for the origin of your anger
  • Improve communication
    • Advice
  • Use humor
  • Changes of winds
    • Advice

What is anger?

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation, intense rage and anger. To the Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes. When we get angry, our heart rate and blood pressure rise, as are our hormonal levels such as adrenaline and norepinenialine.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. We can be angry with a specific person (such as a co -worker or a supervisor) or for a situation (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), but our anger can also be caused by concerns of our personal problems. Memories of traumatic events can also trigger feelings of anger at any time.

The expression of anger

The instinctive and natural way of expressing anger is responding aggressive. IRA is a natural and adaptive response to external threats, we are inspired by powerful, often aggressive feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary for our survival.

Besides, We cannot physically attack each person or object that irritates us or bothers us, Laws, social norms and common sense impose limits for community life to be possible.

People use a wide variety of conscious and unconscious processes to deal with our feelings of anger. Expressing our anger in an assertive and non -aggressive way is the healthiest way to express anger. To achieve this, we must learn to clarify what our needs are and how to solve them without hurting other people. Being assertive does not mean being aggressive or demanding, it means being respectful towards oneself and others.

Anger can be suppressed and then converted or redirected. This happens when we stop thinking about it and focus on that positive. The objective is inhibit or suppress anger and turn it into a more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if we do not allow ourselves external expression, our anger can become inwards, towards ourselves. This internalized and not managed anger can cause hypertension, anxiety or even depression.

On the other hand, anger without control can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-agreesive behavior, or permanently cynical and hostile behavior. People who are constantly putting others against them, criticizing everything and making cynical comments, have not learned to constructively express their anger. It is not surprising that they do not usually have many successful relationships.

Finally, we can calm ourselves inside. This means not only controlling our outer behavior, but also controlling our internal responses, taking measures to lower heart rate, calm us and let the feelings of rage decrease.

Strategies for anger control

Relaxation

The simple ones tools of relaxation, Like deep breathing and relaxing images, They can help calm anger.

You can try these simple steps:

Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm. Breathing alone will not relax you, so imagine that your breathing rises from its abdomen and goes through each exhalation slowly repeats a soothing word or phrase, such as "relax" or "Take it calmly". Keep repeating it while you breathe deeply. Use images. Visualize a relaxing experience of your memory or your imagination. Try to do some kind of non -strenuous and slow exercises. Yoga and similar activities can relax your muscles and calm down.

Practice these techniques daily. Eventually, you can use them automatically when you are in a tension situation.

Cognitive restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is based on changing our way of thinking. When we are angry, our thinking can be excessively dramatic. When something goes wrong, we can tell ourselves, "everything is ruined!", "this is terrible!”With cognitive restructuring, we replace these catastrophist thoughts with more reasonable ones. Instead, we could say: "This is frustrating, but it is not the end of the world".

Avoid saying words like "ever" or "always" when speaking with yourself or others. Expressions such as "this never works" or "you are always forgetting things", make you feel that your anger is justified and there is no way to solve the problem. Such statements also alienate and humiliate the people with whom you speak, who would otherwise be willing to look for a solution with you. Focus on the objectives.

Advice

Imagine that you have a friend who is constantly late when you stay. Don't go to the attack. Instead, think about what you want to achieve. Indicate without verbal aggressiveness what the problem is and then try to find a solution that works for both. If that doesn't work, look for another alternative. You can tell your friend that you have been half an hour before you plan to arrive, so that he or she arrives when you do it. This may be the way in which the problem is solved without damaging friendship. Use logic.

Even when justified, anger can quickly become irrational. Remember that the world is not for you to always get everything you want, and it is normal to experience failure and frustration.

People who get angry easily, tend to demand things, be it justice, appreciation, love, recognition or simply do things in their own way. We all feel injured, disappointed and frustrated when we do not get what we want, But not the vast majority do not allow disappointment to become anger. Some people use anger as a way to avoid feeling injuries, but that does not make pain disappear. We must learn to change our demands for requests, and our "should" for "I would like". To say that I would like something is healthier than saying that I must have something.

Look for the origin of your anger

Sometimes anger and frustration are the result of very real and unavoidable problems in our lives. Anger can be a healthy and natural response to these difficulties. Some people have a cultural belief that each problem has a solution. That belief increases our frustration when we discover that this is not always true. If what is for whatever we cannot find a solution, we must focus on how to handle and face the problem.

Trace a plan and check its progress along the way, using a guide to organize or manage time if necessary. Give your best, but don't punish yourself if you don't find an answer right away.

Improve communication

Angry people tend to look for solutions, no matter how crazy they are. If you are in a heated discussion, lower the rhythm and expectations a bit. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. And take your time before answering. Instead of saying the first thing that comes to mind, carefully think about what you want to say.

Advice

Proof of recognizing what is behind your anger. Let's say you value your freedom, but your partner wants closer. If he or she begins to complain, don't imagine your partner as a jailer.

It is natural to become defensive when you criticize you, but do not fight for unnecessary issues. Instead, listen to what is under the words. Maybe the real message is that your partner feels careless and not loved. You can try to talk about your feelings quietly, without allowing rage to lose control.

Use humor

Humor is a powerful tool that can help deactivate anger in different ways.

On the one hand, you can offer you a more balanced and less tense perspective. When you are thinking about a co -worker, imagine how it would look like an ameba sitting on a desk and talking on the phone. Or draw a funny image. Doing doing will help you reduce your anger level and help you disable a tense situation.

Humor can also help when you are being unreasonable. If you are thinking that things do not go like you would desire and that this is unfair and unbearable, that you should not have to tolerate it, imagine yourself as a god or goddess who always gets your path while others cling to you. The more detail adds, the more you will realize how Irrazonable that you are and how unimportant the things you are angry are.

But be careful, there are two things that you should be cautious in the use of humor.  First, do not try to "laugh" of the problems of others. Only use humor to help you face them more constructively. In second place, Do not use sarcastic humor to attack the other. This humor is just another form of aggression.

What these techniques have in common is a negative to take problems too seriously.

Changes of winds

It is often its immediate circumstances that cause feelings of anger and anger. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you, get angry and fall into the trap of lack of control.

If, for example, traffic makes you furious, research suggests that you are putting yourself and others at risk while driving. Angry drivers are more aggressive, relaxed people suffer more accidents. If your trip is making you furious and frustrated, you might look for a less congested or more picturesque route. Or investigate alternative options, such as taking a bus or train. Find alternatives can relieve your anger, making the path safer for everyone.

Advice

Take a break. Be sure to program a little personal time during the especially stressful parts of the day. You can put yourself as a rule that the first 15 minutes after returning to Casa del Labor will be a time of silence, for example. With this brief respite, you will feel better prepared to handle your children's demands at home.

If you and your partner usually fight at night, it may be because you are tired, distracted, or simply accustomed to fighting at that time. Try to change the time of the day you talk about important issues, so that these talks do not become fighting arguments. Avoid these situations everything you can. If you get angry to see your child's room messy, close the door. Don't look at what enrages you. Keep calm and talk at another time with your child.