Interview with Silvia Alonso de Psychology with Alma

Today in psychoactive we have the pleasure of interviewing one of Valladolid's most prestigious psychologists. We talk about Silvia Alonso Herrarte.

Hi Silvia first thank you very much for your attention. Since when do you dedicate yourself to psychology and because you decided to dedicate yourself to it?

About 10 years, but it is something that is part of me. I remember having a tendency to observe and listen closely, I liked it a lot.

Do you remember your first patient?

Yes of course. But above all I remember the nerves and the weight of responsibility. I was always very clear that the person who put himself in front of me to open his heart, deserved all the respect of the world.

Where can we find your consultation of physical and online mode?

We are in Valladolid Capital and online at https: // psychologiaconalma.is/

Do you have any team in your consultation?

SII, we are a great team. They are currently with with Alma and Julia, two great professionals.

Do you offer any type of training and if so, which modalities?

Sii and it's something that I love, I didn't think that training might like it so much. I've been in this for a little time but I enjoy it very much.

I currently give respectful parenting courses and will soon prepare some non -violent communication.

We see that you have a YouTube channel and in social networks, what can you tell us about it?

We have been with the size of social networks very little. In my personal life I practically did not have and for years I resisted. But I have to admit that it is a great tools for people to know you and know how you work. As well as to be able to contribute my grain of sand with videos or post that in one way or another can help.

Well, the topic we wanted to play closer is bullying since we know you are an expert in this issue as well as in respectful raising. We start with bullying (we talk in the school world) what exactly is bullying and how we can detect it?

Bullying is a bullying that consists of any type of repeated psychological, verbal or physical abuse of one or more people in the face of another who is in inequality of conditions. If it occurs through social networks, it is considered cyberbullying.
So that bullying is considered to be over time. Here are one of the problems, how long? How often? This is something very subjective.

There are times when it is not easy to detect it. The aggressor/is taken care of not being discovered and the one attacked by fear, for wanting to end as soon as they tend not to tell it.

It is essential to be pending as parents and teachers to any emotional change, attitude, behavior in children. Observing is fundamental.

And talk, ask, transmit that they can tell us what they need. Contribute the feeling of protection.

How should both teachers, mothers, fathers and school act?

The main thing, not let it happen. They are not children's things. They do not resolve alone. It is vital to stop it.

When a bullying case is given, it is because the person who is being attacked cannot defend himself alone. Well because there is a difference in number, strength or capacity. This happens the same in adults.

No one learns to defend themselves in this way. They are children's things and let it learn to defend themselves, they are two of the wrong beliefs that have made bullying.

You cannot afford any respect and this should be a sacred norm. This also concerns adults towards children. We cannot ask that children do not stick if we give a slap at home. We cannot ask to respect, if the minimum we say is that it seems silly ... and thus countless examples.

We must demystify bullying. In my experience many centers have let more than the account or have resolved in that way so that it is not known that there has been a bullying case.
I am passionate about this topic and I extend a lot, answering your question.

1. Stop any disrespect.
2. Protect the attacked although that implies a change from center. It's not about "winning" surely in an ideal world, he would not have to be the one who left the center. But the most important thing is to protect it and return the feeling of security. Psychological support if necessary.
3. Ensure at most that it does not happen, again. Being more vigilant with the aggressor/is. Punishments to the aggressor far from improving the situation worse. It is very important to provide psychological support. No one attacks if you feel good about yourself.

Why does it mainly occur or what can be the cause that motivates its existence?

We live in a tremendously violent society. We learn what we see. Unfortunately it has to be something very strong to get our attention. We have violence normalized. Under my experience this is the main factor.

The parenting we have had and are having the children. Crossed out of the child who, before a refusal, I cannot manage frustration and encourage the mother to make a slap.

In the houses there are many faults of respect and aggressions that normalize and allow only because it is the children who suffer from it. It is more socially told parents to be hard to make their adult children.

How many children in Spain suffer bullying and what can we do against it?

Only last year were more than 11.000 cases denounced, nor do I want to think all those who have not been discovered.

A change of beliefs is vital, children do not learn to defend themselves, it is very important to mediate.

Do not tolerate any lack of respect anywhere or among children, or from children to adults and of course either from adults towards children.

We talk about the children's/ school world but what can you tell us in institutes and even universities on this subject?

It is more of the same, the background is the same, the stage and age of the participants change. These are aggressions and inequality between the parties.

Do you have many patients regarding this issue?

Yes, but above all I have adults or young people who have lived in their childhood and nobody found out. Bullying leaves a very hard psychological mark, completely conditions the feeling of the person. The positive part is that with psychotherapy can be overcome and return to the sense of security and well -being.

We have already talked about bullying, now let's talk about respectful aging, what exactly?

It is a change in the way of raising regarding traditional parenting.

The basis of respectful parenting is respect. Respect in both directions of adults children and children to adults. When we talk about respectful parenting, many adults believe it is to let children do whatever they want and nothing is further from reality. Children have to have limits, but respectful way.

It seems really important to be able to spread everything related to respectful raising. Again and again I see adults with low self -esteem, without the possibility of being able to set limits, sad, or very angry ... and again and again the origin is in childhood. During the first years of our life, self -esteem is forged, the sense of security with respect to others and oneself, self -concept ..

Making a change in parenting would be one of the most powerful ways to guarantee safe, stable adults, with a good concept of themselves ..

In therapy we try to heal the damage, but with the change in parenting we avoid it.

Apart from these issues, which ones do you play in consultation?

Anxiety and sadness are very frequent in consultation. Another frequent reason for consultation is the feeling of not being well without knowing what the origin is.

What recommendations would you give us as a psychologist regarding psychological sequelae about those who have suffered COVID-19 disease?

Regardless of the sequel, I would tell them: that nothing happens, if they feel fear, anxiety, sadness or uncertainty, which is normal. We have lived and we are living a situation that gets out of all normality, therefore it is logical that we feel like this.

But if the situation lasts over time or does not decrease in intensity, ask for help. We do not have to live this in solitude, there are a lot of professionals who can accompany you to recover well -being

Well, thank you very much Silvia, it is a pleasure to interview great professionals in the field of mental health. A hug