What are social skills and assertiveness

The social skills refer to the way we behave and what we say when we are with others. We all know that there are "good ways" and "bad ways" of speaking to people. By learning social skills we learn good or appropriate ways to do so. If we have good social skills we will probably get better with other people, such as co -workers, class and family members. It is important to know and put these skills into practice because they make us happier and result in Less problems with others.

There are many different types of social skills, because there are many and different situations in which it is important to behave and speak appropriately. For example, the way we talk to a friend at a party is different from the way we would talk to our parents.

The way we talk to someone who is sad is different from the way we do it with someone who is cheerful. Even when we are angry, we have to pay attention to what we say, taking into account who is our interlocutor. Therefore, it is important to know how to talk and behave in different situations, with different people.

Content

• Why the name of social skills
• Neither mice nor monsters
• What is assertiveness
• Examples of the three types of behavior
  • Situation 1
    • Assertive communication
    • Passive communication
    • Aggressive communication
  • Situation 2
    • Assertive communication
    • Aggressive communication

Why the name of social skills

The word social means how we get with others, including friends, co -workers, brothers, parents or teachers. The word skills means the ability or talent that we have learned and developed by practicing something better and better.

Thus, the social skills refer to our ability to congenize with others. As we have said, there are many different types of social skills. For example, there are very simple skills, how to praise someone when you like something about that person; But there are also more difficult skills, such as having to say no to a friend when he asks us for a favor, so he does not get angry. Sometimes, we want to solve a problem with someone, but we don't know what to do; This is also a social skill.

Neither mice nor monsters

One of the basic ideas of social skills is that with them we can learn to differentiate between passive, aggressive and assertive social behavior.

When someone acts Passive form does not express himself, let others send him, tell him what he has to do and, generally, does not defend his own rights. As a general rule, their needs, opinions or feelings are ignored, and the other children may take advantage of it.

At the other end are the people who are aggressive. Are Mandones, intimidate others, criticize and humiliate them. They only care about getting what they want and when they want. They rarely care about the feelings of others and, often get into trouble or fights. They tend to unfairly take advantage of others and, generally, have very few real friends.

Therefore, it is clear that both passive and aggressive social behavior are not the best way to relate to others. These two behaviors lead, well to be injured (passive), either to hurt others (aggressive). Surely we all know someone who behaves in one way or the other, and seems obvious to affirm that it is not happy people. The aggressive have to be too hard, while liabilities tend to hide continuously to avoid any confrontation.

What is assertiveness

Assertivity refers to behaving as one is, Being assertive means letting others know what we feel and think about a way that does not offend them, but at the same time allow you to express ourselves.

We can recognize and respect the feelings, opinions and desires of others, so that we do not allow us to take advantage of us. It also means defending our own rights and always trying to be honored, fair and sincere. Being assertive is not just a matter of "good manners", it is a way of behaving before others so that it allows them to know our feelings and ideas without running over or ignoring yours. Ideally, we all act assertively, instead of acting passively or aggressively, since then we would not fight, we would lose friends or feel fear of being with someone.

Every time we talk to another person or group of people it is important to remember that what we say and the way we do can influence their reactions and what they will think of us. For example, if our friend's dog had escaped and was sad, it would probably not be a good idea to say: "Come on, cheer up! It was a dirty and ugly dog! He did a favor escaping ". Most likely, after saying this, let's have a friend less. Similarly, if a partner has won a prize in a sports competition or in a literary contest, we should not say: “You do not deserve to win that. Surely you have cheated or the others would be very bad ”. As we can see in both examples, someone has said something inappropriate. Knowing how to react and say appropriate things in these situations is what is considered to be socially skilled.

Examples of the three types of behavior

Let's look at a few examples of good social skills and not so good.

Situation 1

I suspect that a friend has taken one of your books without asking you before. You can say:

Assertive communication

You: Sorry, Silvia, have you taken my math book? I can't find it anywhere.
Friend: Oh yes! I hope I don't bother you, I needed it to do a problem.
You: Okay, it is fine that you borrow it, but please ask me before. So I will not believe that I have lost it.
Friend: Okay, I was in a hurry.

This is a good assertive response because:

1. prevents your friend from getting angry;
2. The book will probably return you;
3. This will prevent the same type of problem being repeated again because now your friend knows what you want to ask for the book before taking it.

Passive communication

You: Caramba! I would like to find my math book. I hope nobody has taken it.
Friend: Oh! I have taken it. I thought I wouldn't bother you.
You: Wow! I thought I had lost it.
Friend: Don't worry, I have it.

This is a passive and less desirable response because:

1. You haven't said what you really wanted to say;
2. It may, in the future, your friend takes advantage of you again because you have not understood that this behavior bothers you;
3. You may not return the book.

Aggressive communication

You very well! I have hunted you stealing the math book!
FRIEND: Are you serious? I have only taken it.
You: Sure yes (sarcastically) Thank you for asking me!
Friend: Take! Stay with your old book.

This answer is aggressive because:

1. You haven't said what you really wanted to say;
2. In the end your friend is angry with you and act in the same way;
3. You can lose a friend because you have attacked him verbally and have embarrassed him.

Situation 2

Your parents ask you to wash the dishes tonight.

Assertive communication

You: I have done it the last two nights. Do you touch (brother/sister)?
Father: I think you are right. I thought she/he had washed them last night.
You: no, I did it. Can I go out now?
Father: very good. Go away.

This answer is conveniently assertive because:

1. You have explained your situation without discussing, gimote or being passive;
2. You haven't been disrespectful.

Aggressive communication

You do not! I'm not going to wash them! You can look for another to do it!
Father: Don't talk to me like that!
You: that's fine! It's not fair! You always make me wash the dishes to me.
Father: Stop exaggeration and wash them!

This is an aggressive response because:

1. You fail to express your reasons not to wash the dishes.
2. You do not let your parents have the opportunity to explain their point of view and you are disrespectful;
3. The answer is not very effective because anyway, in the end, you have to wash the dishes.