Conversational leadership

Write down the activities that you. Performs in a day and in which he invests most of his time. It is likely that words such as: direct, manage, facilitate, order, correct, organize, solve, etc., are on this list. The main difference that exists Between the work of an executive and a person that works by maquilating or assembling parts of an apparatus, is that the Executive uses most of his time in talking. Moreover, if it is a manager. ¿What are meetings, together and calls but conversations?.

Continue reading this Psychology Line if you are interested in Conversational leadership.

1. The importance of knowing how to talk
2. Private and public conversations.
3. Remember that:

The importance of knowing how to talk

To direct, correct, guide, manage, facilitate, send, etc, It is necessary to talk. ¿Why is it then that we dedicate such a little time to the way in which he talks in an organization?. There are very few companies that dedicate time to these reflections, there are even organizations to talk openly is a fault.

Normally, when we find breaks that must be solved, we refer directly to the process to see what failed, who was wrong, ¿The process is correct or should be improved?. Even in the face of situations in which the processes are fractured, we are little reflecting on the way in which the people involved interact, that is, the way they talk.

The main function of a leader is to facilitate the processes that produce certain results and will allow a business to be successful or not. But in each process there are always people. Therefore, there is no more powerful way than directing and facilitating that through conversation. The more effective our conversations, the more effective we are.

The word conversation comes from the Latin "conversus" which means "to become". That is to say, As we talk, we become someone different, we transform ourselves through the word. A person will never be the same after having talked with another, a work team is transformed according to conversations between their members ... This is because conversations not only modify the actions and results, they modify the person themselves. An organization is what it is because the people who form it are who are.

Private and public conversations.

However. I can make a conscious effort to motivate my group's collaborators to obtain better results through positive conversations, to get closer to them, to show them the kind face of the currency. Even so, this does not guarantee that the results that are obtained improve or that my attempt to approach is fruitful. Often we hire consultants who charge large amounts of money to motivate collaborators. In most cases, successes are momentary and after a few months the situation is reversed and frustration comes.

From my gaze, the answer is that there are non -open conversations that are opposed to the conversations that you, through the consultant or personally, want to establish with the group. Think of a person in your work that you really do not like. Now imagine that this person approaches a box of chocolates on her birthday. This person comes with the best intentions of giving him a gift, but you really feel displeasure for her, "he falls badly".

It is likely that in this situation you think: "You want to buy me, you need some favor," "You are surely interested in getting well with me and that is why it brings me chocolates". After all, you receive the gift and kindly thank you (public conversation) Well, it is good manners to do it, but the feeling of dislike does not disappear (private conversation), even when it came to the most expensive and tasty chocolates. Now imagine this same situation with a person in his work he trusts and enjoys his liking. ¿Is different?, I bet. His private conversation, what he does not say when he says something, is positive and the judgments he has about this person are also.

If you want to achieve better results in your work team, seek to keep new and better conversations With its people. For this, it is necessary to understand and take charge of private conversations, both of the team and theirs, since it is private conversations that dominate any conversational system. This is achieved through the opening, of the interaction in which thoughts and emotions are not distorted and is aware of the judgments, fears and rigidities themselves. The closer our public conversations are to our private conversations, the more open and open our dialogue and therefore the more powerful.

Here is an exercise that a person recommended that I admire a lot and that can be useful to identify how close our public conversations are found with private ones:

• Bring your mind A recent work conversation And that you consider as toxic and unproductive. Locate what was the emotionality that reigned in the conversation and revived it.
• Write on a scratched paper (any striped notebook sheet can serve) and write it as remembers it as a theater work:

Example:

• Me: Hello, ¿You finished the report?"
• He/she: "No, I didn't have time to do it".

It is important that you leave at least one or two regions between each intervention to be able to do the exercise.

• As if it were a play, give a title to the conversation.
• Until now, you have written your public conversation with that person. Read carefully what you have written and reflect: ¿What are my judgments about this person?, ¿What was my emotional state prior to conversation?.
• In empty regions and with a different color, write the private conversation between each intervention, that is, what he really wanted to say with that phrase. In the same way, write down the interventions of your interlocutor, what you think or feel that this person really wanted to tell you. Feel free to write what comes to mind.

Example:

• Me: Hello, ¿You finished the report?" I never do things on time, I bet that the report is not over: I'm going to ask you
• He/she: "No, I didn't have time to do it". Again asking about the report, ¡He wants to control everything!
• Title the "parallel work" and compare one with the other. Reflect on this. It is very likely that now you know the reason why your conversation with this person was not effective.

Remember that:

• 80% of effectiveness in a conversation is based on listening. Not in vain we have two ears and one mouth.
• You can get better results and more effective processes if modify your way of conversing, even with himself.
• Talking effectively is not simple, you must train and practice. Look for courses, articles and books on the subject. I personally recommend the book "Ontology of Language" by Rafael Echeverría, where you will find extensive and complete information on this subject.
• Avoid forcing conversations In your work team, take charge of listening and understanding the private conversations that dominate the group.
• The opening begins with oneself, You will use your efforts if you do not learn first to observe your own conversations and work in yourself.

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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