Falling in love of omnipotence to destructiveness

It is said among the popular language that "he who falls in love loses", and this statement really has no other way out than the truth, who falls in love always loses something, Sometimes everything sometimes only partialities, such as the metaphor of "lost her head" or "lost the ground", which means, although it loses necessarily, it can also win in turn; The tragedy begins when, precisely, nothing wins anything.

Content

• What is love?
  • The feelings
  • The emotions
  • Passions or follies
• Falling as idealization
• Fall in love as an unconscious act
• The omnipotence of love
• The destructiveness of love
• Love in our time
• The reality of love
  • Conclusions

What is love?

The explanations and descriptions that exist for love are infinities, for a lot , etc.; They have taken over many professional and non -professional minds to find a clear explanation of that strength, force that unites people, force that causes events in the human being that nothing else manages to obtain, a force that awakens such a desire strong as for life as for death. Each of the existing studies such as psychology, philosophy, medicine, astrology, biology, sociology, etiology, religion, among many more, have contributed their explanation about love, however, reality is, that is still surely one of the most enigmatic questions until today, since Love has many ways to be described, because it works in different ways, each person lives it independently and differently. However, there is a stage prior to the development of love in its global and stable form, and that works equally in all, even in the most skeptical of humans, "falling in love".

To understand the meaning that the different functions of feeling in people can have before entering deeper into the subject, it is necessary to review the differentiation it does André Green (D.AND.P.) On three different ways of living the affective in the human being

The feelings

On the one hand describes feelings as that unconscious force that denotes an authentic and independent feeling to reason, which contains a semantic meaning for the self and for others.

The emotions

On the other hand, it describes emotions like that event that destroys internal cohesion between affective messages, Traumatic affection that disorganizes internal communication, this because authentic drives from it manage to transfer the yoic barriers and intertwine with reason.

Passions or follies

And finally, it describes private passions or follies like that relationship that is achieved with an object which is conceived as unique and irreplaceable.

Falling as idealization

Falling in love would enter that last description where the affection for the other is something considered irreplaceable, unique, in the words of falling we would say "perfect". If there is something in which the different explanations on the subject can coincide is that cloudy effect on the mind of the lover, where Reason simply suffers a temporary loss; Everything is perfect, or in Freud's words we would say, ideal; idealized.

When Freud He gives us his contributions to the theme of love and crush, he makes supreme reference and with all reason to that primary object link that the child comes to possess with his parents, Mainly with the mother, a love as a similarity of the same effect in love, where the provocative object of affection is seen as unique and irreplaceable; However Freud says that in the need to be able to function as with the different proposed theories, the child looks at the need to find in the repression his alliance and salvation to the destruction of love symbolism forbidden by father and mother objects, and In this need, the child replaces that irreplaceable love of desire for a tender love, which will be the one that will endure from then on; In the same way, during puberty that child will not so child again developed those love impulses that existed under the mantle of the need for sexualized satisfaction, which in the same way and without any return, will have to be rejected or repressed in this case to be replaced by other objects,This by way of salvation to speak of incest itself.

In the life, All kinds of subjective event involves a duality or polarity, Some more dangerous than others, more exciting, more outgoing or more complex, but falling in love seems the risk to feel absolutely nothing; An immaculate love for life and happiness cannot be developed without the risk of moving to the desire for death and absolute emptiness.

Fall in love as an unconscious act

"He enjoys where he speaks" - André Green

As he explained, falling in love is an unconscious act, an event that occurs without warning or asking, Nor can it happen because of the aware desire that it happens, much less for repeating yourself 10 times as an order, it would never happen; This will only happen at the moment when an object B, Osease, another, causes an external stimulus a connection with the predisposed to fall in love with it totally passionate, idealized and unconscious.

Being the crushing of a passionate nature, we are somehow stating that its function is mainly under the mantle of desire, therefore, what are activated to every engine are those impulses or psychoanalytically We would say those drives, Pulsions of desire to possess the other.

Apparently, during the falling, emotions appear overwhelmed by the person of whom he is in love, however, if we rely on the description of André Green we can take as an ideal fact when he speaks of emotions as that event of the affective that you distort the messages and The yoic barriers corrupts the natural and authentic communication of the impulse; As Jacques Lacan said: "Loving is giving what you don't have to who is not".

When a person falls in love with another, and as we said, this happens when least expects one, from one moment to another, even sometimes who "less expected", there are among many psycho-affective and emotional situations for living, two Extremely important and determining risks for the future monitoring of the loving situation, on the one hand what I call the omnipotence of falling in love and on the other, the destructiveness itself for the neurotized desire by the other and absent of mouth.

The omnipotence of love

On the one hand, the omnipotence of falling It transports the lover to a state of indestructible self -perception, to a state of libidinal perfection, of socio-cultural, personal and professional idealization, where "nothing can go wrong". Libido is successfully deposited where desire places its mouth point without any obstruction; This leads the person to experience such an exciting pleasure that it seems to live fully in hedonism.

The destructiveness of love

On the other hand, the fact that this "nothing can go wrong" goes wrong, begins to degrade all possible salvation of the lover of not falling into the dark of the void; move from cloudy in enjoyment, to the dark in nothingness. That return from the libido or bad mouth of the libid From the person, gradually looking.

Love in our time

It seems that love is not so important today, time when ideological and sexual liberalism They have marked a territory and a moment of life very different from that of just a few years ago, where more than half could say of the symbolic chains that exis Live so much repression of desires and so much self -prohibition of pleasure to simply maintain a "good to see" before others, in order to "function" properly in society and be complete.

However, this effect of omnipotence on the one hand and that of destructiveness on the other are so essential and determining; On the one hand the first manages to wrap the person in a totally positive thinking, full of desires, Of objectives, of ideals, nothing can stop it, it is capable and is willing to be better, for being more, for overcoming what it already is; Professional life is lived with pleasure, the family receives smiles, the day is always perfect and the moments are unforgettable. On the other hand, the second leads the person to be in a table position, if not even desire to get out of bed, there is no appetite because You need to self -destruct, It does not sleep well, the work, its objectives, its goals, nothing makes sense, not even the same family manages to comfort such a tragedy, even the famous great love of the mother or that great other as Lacan would say, the most real, authentic And indestructible that exists in love, even that unique affective bond is seen in those moments vulnerable to such affective catastrophe.

And as the psychoanalyst Gabriel Rolon says in his book "The B side of love":

"The feeling of completeness generated by love, and we know this why badly we have all fallen in love, it is just a hoax that lasts just a while, if we are very lucky".

The reality of love

The reality is that all this process between the good and the bad pole are inexorable, the two parties will always occur, but sometimes they will process, they will be lived and will be better prepared than in others; this It will also have to do a lot with the own perception of the love of those involved and their education and maturation in emotional intelligence. However, as they say, everything has an end, everything ends at some point, this is no exception, and in turn, it is not usually very durable either.

This omnipotence effect can lead you to make very important decisions in life, it can make you feel capable of everything, change the city, sacrifice things or people or situations that you considered very valuable and untouchable, to change work, to seek to achieve goals Even under risk and pressure, to be positive in the face of any problem, and mainly to heal as a bio-psycho-affective self-regeneration any other wound present almost instantaneously; These decisions should be noted that as they can be very close, they can also be very impulsive and catastrophic, It becomes a random destination at the end.

As Alejandro Dolina says: "Loving is inventing shared falsehoods every day", And this, as can be very good, in a healthy equilibrium or in a pathological balance, but equilibrium in the end and synonym for perfection of the reefection itself, it can also be very bad quadrant and cause an internal conflict as lethal as the attack of a black mamba instantly just thought about the decision as for divine punishment.

However, the point is that the falling in love is an effect of passionate affection that is lived in the human that handles the most enormous excitation and idealization standards that a person can experience, exceeding the very sensation of the enjoyment of the return to the mother and the prohibition of desire for the alien and improper; Just for that, people constantly seek to meet again this situation through courtship with new people, hence so many situations of today in search of that feeling of happiness, of pleasure and realization end in infidelities, extramarital relationships , or loving instability in many people, this situation cannot be judged, each person is free and has the right to seek to live this fullness of affectivity, excitement, enjoyment and happiness, who wishes to repress for cultural or social issues, family or religious, it is respected equally, the wrong thing is to judge what one does not happen or belongs.

Conclusions

I will end up commented that, Once the effect of falling in love ends, the true path begins to know the destiny of the relationship once the damage appears in front of the eyes and the drug of the passionate cloudiness has gone to give way to the same reason for subsequent decisions and their own feelings; It is here where the human consciousness of "what suits us and what does not" and the conscious negotiations and idealizations enters.

However, it is necessary to remember that not everything is as it seems and that many ways of living and working are not like we think; Fidelity is not a natural function of the human, infidelity if it is not, governed under the principle of pleasure, however, loyalty is created by man to "function in society", as well as laws and norms; Not everything we think and feel comes out of my mouth in language as it is, the reality is that great neurotic material that would come to light is repressed within us to "not be judged" by others; The desire and shot of libido for situations, objects, people, is often frustrated by social creations to supposedly be people with the right to "be".

The reality is, and I invite you from my own person and with the clinical experience that supports me, to live looking for as possible that libido paroxysm in the way they want it best and gives them those unsurpassed, unforgettable and unavoidable moments ; And the day they run into a person with whom that way of living falling in love and love, and even his passion Possibly found that other part that brings them closer to the perfection of love, will have found perfection in mutual damage itself.