The perinatal duel phases and treatment

Losing a loved one is always a painful and complicated event that entails a phase of pain and overcoming called duel. When parents suffer the sad loss of the baby they expected, they usually enter the phase of the perinatal duel. Today we talk about the characteristics of this universal process that is directed to acceptance.

Content

• The perinatal duel
• Characteristics of perinatal duel
• Perinatal duel phases
• Treatment and help
  • Links of interest

The perinatal duel

He perinatal duel It comes to refer to the pain that parents experience after the baby's death During pregnancy, childbirth or the first month after birth. This loss usually occurs in cases such as spontaneous abortion, ectopic pregnancy, termination or neonatal deaths. The perinatal duel is experienced by many families and like all duel, it causes an emotional great anguish and shock.

Some of the people affected by perinatal duel usually deal with pain in their own privacy and sometimes feel that the general society does not openly recognize this suffering, causing them to be isolated more in the discomfort generated by the terrible loss.

Therefore, many are the programs and training that are currently developed to help in these cases and that are incorporated into hospital and health contexts. One of the objectives of these changes is to achieve greater psychological support for parents who require help and emotional support.

Characteristics of perinatal duel

Losing a loved one who is about to be born or a newborn, is a terrible shock for parents. In addition to the damage caused by the loss, they are experienced painful new situations, such as having to put aside all the plans created or feeling obliged to make new decisions such as working or planning a new pregnancy. All this can be distressing, confusing and enormously painful.

This can generate great anxiety and even feelings of guilt, especially when the causes of the loss are not clear. Often, parents may feel that they have done something wrong or that they have overlooked something important. This situation can generate posttraumatic stress, which is usually reflected in the following pregnancies: approximately 75% of these parents have another baby again and experience great anxiety and fear during the next pregnancy.

The lack of emotional support or understanding can also be very harmful to these parents who can feel that their pain is not common, when this is not real. This happens especially in women who sometimes experience pain at different speed and intensity than others. Managing the impact that the loss has caused can be a challenge for the couple. According to a study, despite this pressure, those couples who had a satisfactory previous relationship manage to remain united, while the couples who did not have it is likely to separate even more during this stage during this stage.

Perinatal duel phases

As in all grieving processes, there is an adaptation period that is directed to the overcoming and acceptance of the loss and that passes through several phases common to all duels:

• Shock and denial: During this first phase, parents do not believe what has happened and tend to deny what is happening due to the feeling of shock.
• FEELING OF IRA: At this time the feeling of anger is common. The questions emerge and you can't understand what has happened, which causes anger and anger. Self -acclaimed or blaming others is also usually common, and you can even feel anger to see other parents who have not had problems having children. This is normal and necessary in the grieving process.
• Negotiation phase: After the initial anger begins a period in which people try to "fix" the situation and look for possible causes that could have changed what has happened or what will happen in the future. "If I had done things like that, this may not have happened", "Now I will change my way of eating and this will not happen again ...". It is a way to try to look for answers and make everything "perfect".
• Phase of sadness or depression: At this stage, the awareness about the event is broader and the person realizes that nothing can change what has happened. It is when the deepest feelings emerge and people can isolate themselves in pain. Depression may have greater or lesser severity depending on the person, their experiences and strengths. In cases of very severity it is advisable to seek professional support to overcome this stage with the most successful.
• Acceptance: It is the moment in which the lived situation is assumed and the magnitude of the pain begins to decrease temporarily, although not to forget. People begin to get ahead and return to the routine and this can sometimes feel some guilt and feel depressed again. This is something totally normal, since the advancement of acceptance must follow the right pace for each person. Although this loss will never be forgotten, people manage to move on and feel future illusions again.

Treatment and help

Although there is increasing awareness of the subject, very commonly Parents suffering from perinatal loss do not feel socially understood. This generates great stress and makes the person tend to isolate themselves in their pain. Although some relatives, acquaintances or even professionals try to help, sometimes they use phrases of "support" that are not adequate, such as affirming that "another will come" or "at least you know that you can get pregnant". Although this can carry good intentions, it is not appropriate to help a person in this state since it increases their feeling of misunderstanding. The best in these cases is to say "I'm sorry" and let parents express their pain without trying to relativize or do it as if nothing happened.

When this pain seriously interferes with the ability to continue with daily life, it is advisable to seek professional psychological help specialized in duel and acute stress for loss. In these are sought express the feelings lived, learn to handle anxiety, as well as to handle cognitive strategies for recovery. It is common to create a physical and psychological space to remember the lost baby and honor their memory. Talking about it with the couple and knowing that we are not alone is very important to accept the loss and get to the acceptance and future psychological and emotional stability.

Links of interest

• The 5 stages of duel. Marta Gueri. https: // www.psychoactive.com/Blog/Las-5-Etapas-Del-Duelo/
• Greef Perinatal: A POIGNANT FORM OF BERAVEMENT. Margaret McSpedden. https: // www.Psychology.org.AU/FOR-MEMBERS/PUBLICATIONS/INPSYCH/2011/DEC/PERINATAL-GRIEF-A-POIGNANT-FORM-OF-BERAVEMENT.
• The 5 Stages of Grief after Miscarriage. https: // www.Huffpost.com/entry/The-5-Stages-of-Grief-After-A-Miscarriage_B_59E50882E4B04E9111A3E3FE.
• Life after pregnancy or infant loss: Finding to Way to Heal https: // blogs.BCM.EDU/2018/10/15/LIFE-AFTER-A-PREGNANCY-OR-INFANT -los-Finding-A-Way-To-Heal/