The correct monitoring of positive discipline

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• Four steps to give effective positive discipline
• Four obstacles that challenge the effectiveness of monitoring
• Maintain routines
• Know who they are
• Do you know how children can deal with the pressure of their peers?
• Have faith
• Stop doing something in a limited time or isolate
• Frequent errors in positive discipline
• Apply the "R" recovery
• Act more and speak less
• Decide what you can do
• Put the children in the same boat
• Let the children fix them alone
• Two languages
• The promises
  • Beliefs that support behavior
• Make the love message arrive
• Special time to be together
• Stimulus versus praises and reward
  • Bibliographic references

Four steps to give effective positive discipline

1. Have one friendly discussion in which each one expresses their feelings and thoughts about a particular issue.
2. Do the exercise of the Rain of ideas ("brainstorming") To obtain possible solutions and choose one in which you and your child agree.
3. I reach an agreement with the child putting a specific time.
4. Explain to the child what entails the specific time agreement, that this agreement or treatment requires doing something in a limited time. It is suggested to follow up before the day that the agreement expires arrives.

Four obstacles that challenge the effectiveness of monitoring

1. Want children to have the same priorities as adults.
2. Be prejudiced by criticizing instead of establishing the matter.
3. Do not set agreements in advance: do not set up a deadline.
4. Do not maintain dignity or respect for your child or for yourself.

Monitoring requires less energy, it is much more fun and productive than reprimand or punish. Monitoring is a respectful way to help children live properly according to adult expectations and their priorities. We have to admit that children have their own priorities, but continue or do some of ours makes us happy.

Monitoring the parents pro assets and considered instead of reagents and inconsiderate.

Follow up enable children to collaborate and make contributions to the family through respect they have learned. This is an excellent method to express authority or give permission.

Children who learn the skills of life need to feel good with themselves and will become contributory members of society.

Maintain routines

Children need routine. Some parents think that the rats destroys spontaneity. In fact, when the family has some routine, members usually have a lot of spontaneity and creativity. Without routine many families experience chaos instead of spontaneity.

Once a firm ratina is established, the family will have the opportunity to plan other activities for their free time.

Children enjoy the routine and respond favorably, since they feel more comfortable with the ratter once the routine takes their seat, it predominates and parents do not have to continue giving orders.

Establish the rat and choose a time for the whole family to be relaxed. This can be discussed during the family reunion, but it is important that all family members get involved in the routine. You can use the clock to establish routine. Remember to focus one problem at a time and establish a time limit to carry out the routine. Establish the ratina avoids disagreements such as sleeping time, time to get up, food time, time to make the assignments, the time to do home tasks, to wash your teeth and time for go shopping.

Routine helps decline power struggle. The long -term benefits of making the ratina are security, calm atmosphere, trust and life skills for their children. Children learn to be responsible for their behavior, to be able, and to cooperate more with the family.

Know who they are

Do you know where your son is? How does it feel when you read this question: Do you think it's a bad father? Does this phrase think that you can do a better job in raising your child; Do you think that parents who punish should be joined, who like to remove privileges from their children, give them a chair or tell them how they should behave and be ashamed? Do you think you must be in charge of your child's life such as: Choose friends, be aware of their school work and influence a career? How can we teach our children to learn to take care of your own life with reliability and responsibility when you assume the entire obligation, stealing the opportunity to believe in themselves and develop the skills of life?

Now, you would like to see a question to say: Do you know your child? Do you know how your child thinks? Do you know what your son of life wants? What are your values, hopes and dreams, not yours but those of your child? Have you ever got into your child's world and have tried to respect and understand your point of view? Do you feel the curiosity of knowing who your child is or you are very busy to try to mold it and adjusted to your values, hopes and dreams?

Another question you need to answer is: Do you have faith in your child? Do you think your child is a magnificent human being who has potential to learn and grow in this life of challenges? When he has faith in his child, it is easier to stop controlling and punishing him. Then begin to use support methods, give a respect of respect that Teach the life skills they need When adults are not accompanying them.

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Do you know how children can deal with the pressure of their peers?

Adults have invented many educational programs to deal with the pressure of friends. These programs teach children how to say not when their friends try to convince them to try, for example, drugs and alcohol. We are surprised if adults never talk to adolescents. You may have noticed that it is not the same to talk to ... to talk to ... when we talk to children, we listen to them and take what they tell us because we really want to know what they think and how they feel. Example of this is the dialogue between María and her mother that follows:

Maria's mother asks her 16 -year -old daughter, what she thinks about the program "Say no to drugs".

Maria: I think it's something stupid.
Mother: What do you mean by that?
Maria: We mocked this. My friends never try to talk to me that I use drugs and alcohol. They feel happy that I say that I don't want to make them more for them.
Mother: So you don't think there is peer pressure?
Maria: In a way it exists, but they don't try to tell me what I should do. What can make me interested in using drugs is when they say how good they feel using it, they say, "the crack makes me feel good and you can be awake all night, talk and enjoy a party without feeling tired". They also say about turning alcoholic beverages that it's really fun to be drunk. I have thought about using them to see if they really are as good as they say.
Mother: So why didn't you have it?
Maria: I would not like to think what other people can say about me. I do not want to be a drug addict in addition to that, I have seen how people who use drugs get. They are totally lost. I don't want to take the risk of this happening to me.
Mother: Then you have thought of you.
Maria: Yeah…
Mother: I'm glad you know what you want and have enough courage to maintain your position when some of your friends think opposite of you.

Maria is learning how to think, not to think. Your mother stimulates her in the process asking questions and listening to her. Sometimes her mother gives her any information which Maria is eager to take it into consideration because she is not given in the form of a chair her mother has a lot of faith in her. Maria feels that the confidence and unconditional love of her mother give her reliability and security in herself to stay learning and think of itself.

Have faith

Having faith in children does not mean that they can do everything right. Means accept the child as it is. that most of the time they can act according to their years, which means that they will not always wash the dishes or cut the grass. With faith in our children and in ourselves we can learn from mistakes.

Having faith in our children does not mean that they are ready to do all things for themselves. They still need love, support and help to learn the skills of life when you have faith you do not need to control and punish. This gives us patience to teach them using training methods, such as: Solve problems, follow up, family meetings, ask questions about what?, as?, because?, that help the child learn from their own mistakes. Having faith includes keeping your eye on the long -term perspective and learning to know who your child is now.

Stop doing something in a limited time or isolate

The most common way to discipline children today is to deprive them of doing something or isolating them. This helps to stimulate the child and have training experiences instead of punishing or humiliating him. He "Time out" It is stimulating when the purpose is to give the child an opportunity to take a short time of reflection and then start again as soon as the 'Time Out' is ready to change a cooling period. Some parents tell their children: "Go to your room and think about what you have done". Parents who do this feel guilty, embarrassed and suffer. To these parents it must be said that isolating or allowing the child to stop doing something is not enough, we must explain that we all need time to be out because we can all have an unplayed behavior and make mistakes. You can tell the child: "Your behavior is inappropriate"And ask"Can you go to your room?"And tell him that when he feels better and can be ready to change his behavior can come.

The writing of our children

Frequent errors in positive discipline

What did you learn as a child about errors?

1. Errors are bad.
2. You should not make mistakes.
3. You are stupid, bad, inappropriate and failed if you make mistakes.
4. If you make mistakes, don't let people realize

Errors must be seen as opportunities to learn instead of something inappropriate. Teach children to commit errares is an opportunity to assess the help of others. This stimulates them to take responsibility for what they do.

Apply the "R" recovery

Anyone admits an error, but this is not demonstrated until the person apologizes. If the child wishes to reconcile for what he has done, the three "r" of recovery can help him. These are:

1. Recognize the error With a sense of responsibility instead of guilt
2. Reconcile - apologize to the person who wounded or offended.
3. Solve the problem When possible working together to solve it.

Act more and speak less

Try to act instead of speaking. Instead of telling your child to be still and quiet, you try to stay silent to see if the child pays attention. Yes, you are fighting with a toy, take it off and put it in a place where you can't reach it. We do not need to say a word, he will understand that when he finishes fighting he will have the toy again.

Phonetic or dyslalia disorder

Decide what you can do

You must learn that the only behavior you can control is yours. Decide what you can do instead of trying to control others. Maybe you can make your children act respectfully with you, but you can't make them feel respected. Many parents are very busy trying to control their children instead of taking care to learn to control themselves.

Try to establish an agreement with your child based on what you are willing to do. You can tell you that you are willing to help you with your assignments every night, from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm. If he wishes his help, tell him that he is available at the indicated time, if he tries at another time that is not established, say that he will not be available until 7:00 pm next day. Another example."refuse to guide when children are making a lot of noise in the car instead of stopping and waiting for it to calm down. You can also deny them an advance of the next week of the next week can also ignore them when they are entering and leaving their room at the time of the nap and interrupts their work.

Put the children in the same boat

Frequently adults have the habit of attracting attention to a child instead of attracting attention to all in the family. This is not very convenient to do so, since it promotes the one that puts a seal to one in a certain way and conducive rivalries between brothers. If the children fight for the seat of the front of the car, tell them: "No one will sit in front unless we find an alternative so that each one has the right to sit down". If you put children in the same boat, it helps deal with gossip among them. His children can answer that this is not fair, they can say: "I did not do anything bad mom, the one who did it was Carlos, I did not". So, answer: "I am not interested in who did or who was the fault, just finding the solution to the problem. We will talk about this at the family reunion ".

Let the children fix them alone

If adults get into solving a conflict between children, it can be taken in an unpleasant situation. Children have a way to work things and can be efficient and effective. Think about a moment that parents are arguing for a situation and that children are already ready to play happily. Give the child the child. Example: By sharing Nintendo's game the father can say, "I take the game until you find a way of sharing it without fighting". Children agree and decide to work on it. One will use it Monday and Wednesday and the other will use it Tuesday and Thursday, and on Friday, both can use it. In this way they make arrangements between them.

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Two languages

If you want to understand people, pay attention to what they do and not what they say. Watch your language. Maybe they say one word with their mouths and with their feet say another people transmit good intentions with their words, but their actions tell us the truth about what they want. This works in two ways. It is important for parents to be consistent with their children, make their words go with their actions. This helps children believe more in parents because they are paying more attention to what they say to what they say. Many parents can't believe in children. Alfred Adler says: "Watch the movements, not the words". You are heading towards a healthier communication when your words and actions are congruent.

The promises

Do not make promises that will not comply. Instead of saying "Tomorrow I can take you shopping", I better wait to be ready to go, then tell the child. It's time to buy, do you want to go with me? Promise something to a child and then forget is a way to discourage him. Instead of making the promise tell the child who is not ready to make a commitment yet. You can tell the child not to do many promises, not to accept them "show me that you are ready to carry out the promise and then I will be ready for us to do it together".

Beliefs that support behavior

Behind each behavior there is a belief, but it is only dealt with behavior. For you it is more effective to know belief and behavior. An example of this situation is as follows:

A mother is pregnant. He goes to the hospital to give birth and bring the baby with his house. She has a four -year -old boy. Let's analyze what this child thinks that it exists between the mother and the baby. How do you interpret this relationship?

He can think - "Mom wants the baby more than me". What does the child try to get his mother's attention or love? The child changes his behavior and acts like a baby. Shout, ask for a bottle or dirty pants to get your mother's attention. Our behavior is based on our beliefs. Behavior and beliefs are directly related to people's main goals and feel that we belong is very important. We all want to feel that we belong and that we are important. We are active participants in the process of deciding things about ourselves, others and life; And our behavior is based on our decisions. Understanding the process of making decisions and how their children create their beliefs is the first step to understand their behavior. With this knowledge and understanding you can stimulate your children by providing opportunities for them to change their unhealthy belief and behavior. We try to find and feel important executing negative behaviors. There is four wrong goals that lead to negative behaviors:

1. Draw attention
2. Can
3. Revenge
4. Give up or assume a disability behavior

We call these hidden reasons to do what we do because we are not aware of it. It is important that you understand the hidden beliefs behind your children's behavior. Then you will be ready to think about how to stimulate them when they execute negative behavior and feel discouraged.

Make the love message arrive

Make the love message arrive at your child is a great gift that you are offering you. They form the opinion about themselves through the perceptions that show them what they feel for them. When they feel loved, they belong, which are important, they have a solid basis on what to base themselves for their potential development. His positive influence comes when the love message comes.

Emotional honesty - It means that it demonstrates what it is, the form that you think, what you feel and what communicates to others. Once accepted, this can help your children get the same emotional security that you have.

Feelings give us valuable information, It's like when the car's warning lights on, we pay attention and we know that something is happening to the car. You have to try to solve the problem. If we feel alone and depressed and listen to the inner voice, we can better channel our feelings. Some people do not like to think about their feelings because they do not believe in the way they are feeling and, in addition, they believe they cannot do anything for it. As soon as we accept the feeling without judging it, something can be done for this. When your child feels courage or resentment he expresses it. Listening to him try to explain that there is nothing wrong with experiencing these feelings. Feelings are different from thoughts. Feelings describe that something is happening within one. When you learn to get these feelings out, you gain valuable information about yourself. Feelings are neither bad, own or improper, logical or illogical. They are just feelings. They are usually described with a single happy, injured, comfortable, hungry, dreamy, sad, irritated, joyful, unfortunate and unable. The most important thing is that you have to pay attention to feelings, give their name and tell others how one feels.

The Hebb rule that promotes your learning

Special time to be together

Children need time to be alone with their parents. When they are little they need it more. Already when they get big this special time it becomes a ratina. Plan activities to be with your child and enjoy a special time.

Play with your child spontaneously: on the floor, in the park, cook together or do other tasks. The important thing is to get time to share and have fun. Build pleasant memories for having spent funny times with your child instead of promoting serious situations. The fun of the family does not have to take a long time or cost a lot of money. By having fun together, many problems disappear, children experience the pleasure of fullness when sharing with their parents.

Stimulus versus praises and reward

Rudolph Dreikurs, an Adlerian psychologist, author of the book "Chitaren: The Challenge," he says: "Children need stimulus as plants need water". The stimulus demonstrates the love cia that is transmitted to the children that make them good enough to the way they are. The stimulus teaches them that what they do is separated from who they are. The stimulus lets children know that they are valued because they are out of prejudice. Through the stimulus we teach children that errors are simply opportunities to learn and grow instead of something that embarrasses them.

There is a difference between praise and stimulus. It is easy to praise or reward the child who behaves well, but; What do we tell the child that he does not act correctly, that he has a negative behavior and that he does not feel good with himself? These children need more stimulus than others.

Praise and awards teach children to depend on being judged for others instead of trusting their wisdom and own evaluation. "I'll be fine only if another tells me". This prevents them from making mistakes instead of learning from their mistakes. Example of how to give stimulus are the following:

"How do you feel about _____?"
"What happened? Do you have any idea why it happened?"
"Would you want any help with what you are doing?"
"Hey, everyone has their bad day. The same thing happened to you that many times.'

Family members can write stimulus notes to each other. In the long run the stimulus will create a positive climate in the family.

Teach your children to give compliant. Ask them what they think about the praise received.

Children think not feeling comfortable or having to give a compliment is something silly. Make it fulfilled it is a family habit.

Good feelings grow in their family with the practice of stimulus and the fulfilled among them and among the people with whom they interact.

Bibliographic references

• Beltrán, j. (2016). Positive discipline: educate with firmness and affection. Editorial Kairós.
• Garcia, m. (2017). Positive discipline in the classroom: Teachers Guide. Narcea editions.
• Jane, n. (2019). The positive discipline in the classroom: how to create a respectful and cooperative educational environment. Brouwer falls out.
• Martínez, a. (2015). Positive discipline for young children: how to educate with firmness and love. Editorial Kairós.
• Nelsen, j. (2015). Positive discipline: how to educate with firmness and affection. Editorial Kairós.

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