Attachment in couple relationships

Have you ever felt intensely connected to someone?, Have you wanted to be with that person above all?, Have you felt butterflies in the stomach when you see it?. This is called "in love" and generally, it is something we have all experienced.

Content

• The importance of the first attachment
• Attachment, union and relationships
• The weight of culture in romantic love
• Attachment styles in the couple
  • 1. The safe attachment style
  • 2. The insecure or dysfunctional attachment styles
    • 3. Relationship of anxious-dependent couple
    • 4. Anxious-Evitative Couple Relationship
  • Summary

The importance of the first attachment

Our type of loving attachment bond comes basically from our first love relationship, but not from our first romantic love, no, but from the love we feel for the first time in our lives, when we are still babies and we linked emotionally with our mothers, primary parents or caregivers in a deep and effective way. This primal link will influence and guide us in the way we will love adulthood.

Many times we will realize that we tend to request and need our partner the same essential things, regardless of who we are with, and some of the dynamics of these relationships will be a constant, regardless. These dynamics often come from our earliest relationship and are strongly influenced by the quality of this.

What is attachment theory?

Attachment, union and relationships

Our attachment style affects almost everything, from our selection of friends to how well our relationships progress and, unfortunately, the way they end. That is why recognizing our attachment pattern can help us understand our strengths and vulnerabilities in a relationship.

Attachment theory explains how we are emotionally related to others And this attachment, as we have already said, is based on the first relationships established in childhood. As we are treated at this stage of life, we will develop an idea about ourselves and our relationship with others, which will deeply affect the future links we adopt with our partner, parents, children ..

Both adults and children benefit from having someone who takes care of them, someone who is deeply committed to their well -being, who is reliable to help if necessary, in short, someone who loves them generously and selflessly.

Intimate relationships play a fundamental role in promoting health and well -being in adulthood. Mutual, receptive and open care in distress situations can restore security feelings and provide the individual to trust and participate effectively in the world. In any case, intimate relationships must be reciprocal, mutual and flexible. Therefore, in a relationship, those involved must be able to trust each other in times of necessity, on occasions as caregivers and in others as care applicants.

The weight of culture in romantic love

In our culture we constantly speak of the need to have a partner, to emotionally unite another person and to develop this attachment throughout our lives. It is easy to accept this as something unquestionably beneficial, since at the social level the bombardment is constant, every day we listen incessant dripping that although one is not pending, it is also going through and, little by little, it is giving way to our way of being and behaving.

But Sharing life with a couple is a personal choice, It can never be a necessity. It is currently when we must make an effort to detect our true inclination, and it does not have to be the consequence of the unfounded belief that without the other person life makes no sense.

Thus, we should not think that being without a romantic partner is a catastrophe, or ensuring that having a solo life is the best in the world. Like everything, it is convenient to look inside and make a deep self -reflection and without influences of our desires and needs, from individuality and maturity.

Attachment styles in the couple

1. The safe attachment style

The Adults with safe attachment styles feel comfortable with intimacy, And they feel prepared to be vulnerable in relationships, since they have the support of others and are sure that they are valued and loved.

Sure personality usually has a history of warm and receptive interactions in childhood. People who generate links safely in the couple show a positive point of view of themselves, their partners and their relationships. They often feel good both in intimacy and independence, so they frequently seek to balance both parties in their life. HE They feel comfortable depending on others as well as others depend on them, without worrying about rejection. They also tend to be empathic while establishing the appropriate limits when necessary.

2. The insecure or dysfunctional attachment styles

There are several types of insecure attachment that we are going to tell below.

3. Relationship of anxious-dependent couple

Subjects with a type of dependent anxious attach.

These people have a deep desire for closeness and dependence together with greater concern and, often, an excessive and catastrophist expectation about rejection. The Relationships in these cases are characterized by jealousy, low levels of trust in the other and mutual dissatisfaction. They want to commit to relationships, but express a controller and dominant relationship style.

4. Anxious-Evitative Couple Relationship

Avitative adults, on the other hand, consider that close relationships are not important, on the contrary, they value all their independence and self -sufficiency above all their independence. They tend to maintain relationships that are distinguished by low levels of commitment, complicity and trust. They feel very little anxiety after a break and in their relationships they tend to frequently show negative emotions. Anxious-evidence adults actually have a high degree of anxiety, which is why they avoid committing. The truth is that many want in the back.

Summary

In every couple there should be the full respect for each other, and bring this respect to love. It is important to understand the couple as a way of loving and giving love, since from love it is from where we can give freedom and express what we want without fear of feeling judged or threatened.

From love a couple must be able to break their relationship if there are circumstances that lead to this, and this same couple must be able to understand the other, put in their place, understanding that their life does not depend on him or her. The ideal love relationship is one in which Couples are not needed at all, but they love each other, And both enjoy the freedom to be a couple and be able to complement each other.

Why does the same thing always happen to my partners?