Trust and betrayal overcoming pain

Trust is one of the most important values ​​for human beings, And betrayal is one of the acts that disgust us the most. Now ... why is it so? If you want to discover it, keep reading ..

The importance of trust and why a betrayal is so painful

Human beings are sociable and gregarious animals, which we live in communities and that We have evolved to share our life with others. This is something that, increasingly, is lost, to the point that in our societies these ties have weakened a lot.

However, the truth is that, in the past, when we lived in tribes (even before, when we were more animals than humans), these ties were fundamental for the tribe (and their individuals) to survive.

Logically, when one of the members of the tribe betrayed the confidence of others, not only some money was lost or a love relationship was over. The betrayal of a tribe member could mean the physical disappearance of the entire tribe.

Therefore, we have evolved so that the bonds of trust are maximum and the betrayal is absolutely negligible.

It is true that, today, betrayal may not have those effects as deep as the disappearance of an entire tribe. However, although betrayal only means discovering that they have spoken badly behind us (even without that having relevant consequences), It seems to us a delznable act.

How to overcome a betrayal and trust again

Keep in mind that overcoming a betrayal is not easy, And, in general, a mourning period is needed. In addition, the difficulty of overcoming the grieving period will depend on how strong the relationship with the person who has betrayed you.

However, beyond that, the Keys to overcome a betrayal are the following:

1. Analyze why betrayal happened: The first thing you should do is analyze why betrayal was given. It is normal that, at first, you are shocked and do not understand what the betrayal has come. However, after a cold analysis (you can talk to other people to do it), you can realize that you also have your part of guilt.
2. Be hard with you same: However, although anger and sadness invade you, and even if you think you also provoked the breakup, you should not be especially hard with yourself. Accept what happened and are not afraid of having some emotional instability.
3. Do not save resentment: It is natural to want to take revenge on who has hurt us. However, this is a way of thinking that does not allow to advance those who have it. The best, on the other hand, is not to face resentment.
4. Accept the situation: Like resentment it will not help you at all, it will not help you frustration or anger. Therefore, the best thing you can do is accept the situation in which you are and try to start building from there.
5. Take your time: The previous points may be very difficult for you. It's normal, nothing happens. What you have to do is take your time to carry them out. After all, the human spirit needs to overcome a series of stages before being in peace again.
6. To be honest: Logically, it is essential that you connect with yourself and with the other person and treat the subject with sincerity. You cannot try to overcome an infidelity if you do not admit that you were not treating the other person as well as it deserved, and that that caused infidelity, for example.
7. Forgive: Finally, forgiving the person who has betrayed you is something fundamental. As you know, forgive is something that makes you feel good (when you forgive from heart, of course). Of course, forgiving does not mean that you have to put that person again in your life.

Should we always forgive?

No, not always. However, There are some circumstances in which it is necessary to do it. Are the following:

1. The person who has betrayed you recognizes the damage caused and requested forgiveness, with the intention of not doing it again.
2. His performance was irrational and then regretted acting that way.
3. It is an isolated behavior, which does not usually carry out and that is not especially important.

As you can see, Trust is vital in human relationships, and betraying it can be very painful both for those who suffer the betrayal and for those who carry it out. And, as Nietzsche said, the worst of betrayal is not betrayal, but the impossibility of being able to trust that person again.