How to resolve an assertive conflict

We can say that conflicts are part of our life since Not everyone thinks in the same way. Individual differences usually produce disagreements and, on many occasions, we can learn something good from these. These problems are not always managed in the best way and can end up in major discussions. Therefore, learning to handle conflicts is a fundamental piece to maintain good interpersonal relationships and foster our mental health.

While it is true that there are several types of communication, assertiveness is an essential characteristic for any good communicative style that aims to solve problems and avoid discussions. In this psychology-online article we will give you the keys to know How to resolve an assertive conflict.

1. What is assertiveness?
2. Assertive communication examples
3. Social skills to resolve conflicts
4. 5 steps to resolve an assertive conflict

What is assertiveness?

As we have mentioned earlier, there are three types of action before a conflict: aggressiveness, passivity and assertiveness.

Aggressive communication implies poor emotions and a constant attack on the interlocutor. On the other hand, passive communication is characterized by not expressing our needs and allowing attacks on dignity itself. Finally, we can define assertiveness as the ability to express our emotions and ideas freely, but without offending or attacking anyone.

Assertive communication is based on empathy, understanding how the interlocutor feels and respecting their opinions. It is also important to respect ourselves and learn to communicate our needs without fear. Assertive behaviors are very effective on a day -to -day basis, since they are the best way to handle conflicts in all spheres of our life, either in the couple, at work, in the family ..

This concept of psychology is also related to emotional intelligence and good self -esteem. An assertive person normally has a High emotional intelligence, that is, he is able to manage their feelings, identify them correctly and understand the emotional states of others. Similarly, knowing how to resolve an assertive conflict and, therefore, being assertive implies having remarkably high self -esteem, this is because, in order to communicate our opinions, we must be clear about the worth of these.

Assertive communication examples

To better understand how a good dialogue develops, and to learn to be assertive, it is better to give an example.

Let's put a situation in which we are waiting in a tail to enter a concert and someone gets ahead of us in line, we will feel angry, disgusted and, perhaps, frustrated. Our communicative objective It will be to tell that person to put himself in the tail, to wait and respect the order of the row as the other people.

Aggressive response

- "¡¿You don't see that I was here before?! Go where you have come and don't bother more. You are a rude and you don't deserve to enter that concert "

Passive answer

- "Hey ... I ... I was here before ... well, nothing happens"

Assertive response

- "Listen, I understand that you are in a hurry to enter, I also love this music group. However, I have been waiting a lot and I think I deserve to enter before you. If you don't care, you should put yourself in your line in line "

As we can see, the best way to talk to a person and avoid a greater conflict is through assertive communication. In this way, we do not give rise to a negative response by the interlocutor and we can get our position to understand.

Social skills to resolve conflicts

A previous step to correctly develop an assertive dialogue is to train our social skills. These are defined as the set of strategies and competences that we have to interact and interact with others satisfactorily.

He Training in social skills It is based on learning to listen to others, exercise our ability to negotiate and resolve conflicts, provide for different problematic situations and practice the best way to manage the conflict. Thanks to this training, we can improve our skills to be sincere and direct, expressing everything we mean but without belittling the emotions of others.

Another concept to train to achieve good communication is empathic assertiveness. Conflict resolution can be much simpler if we learn to communicate understanding what the other person feels. If we get to put ourselves in place, we can probably understand the root of your disagreement with our ideas, this will help us to solve the disagreements we have and as a guideline to prevent future conflicts.

5 steps to resolve an assertive conflict

After the practical examples and the presentation of the most effective training to manage a situation of disagreement, we present, step by step, How to resolve an assertive conflict.

1- Identify the way we communicate

First, it is very important to focus on our behaviors and ask ourselves "¿CI act on a conflict?"¿I am a passive or aggressive person?". Now that we have learned the different types of communication, we can guide our style towards assertiveness, looking at our response styles to something that causes us displeasure.

2- Understand the other person

When someone approaches us looking for the conflict, indicating their dislike of our behaviors or, for example, some kind of foreign behavior does not seem successful, we must understand why of all this.

If someone does or says something is always for some reason. In the same way that all our actions or thoughts have a background motivation, The actions of others also have it. As we have mentioned earlier, assertiveness has a very important empathy component that we must learn to apply in our communicative dialogue.

3- Talk to pauses and listen to everything the other has to say

Once we understand the reason for their actions or emotions, we must listen to the other person. This entails an important Patience dose, Since the other, maybe, do not communicate in the way we would like and this can be offensive and toxic. If you see that we are listening to it, you will be less defensive and, perhaps, we can reach an agreement.

4- Propose an alternative that is beneficial for all

After listening to his arguments, it is time to reach a common point. To do this, it's expose our opinions in the best possible way, stating our arguments correctly, by manela calm but firmly. With the appropriate dialogue, the conflict can be resolved peacefully and through a good agreement.

5- Identify your reaction and respond correctly

Avoid responding aggressively or passively, keep your arguments and continue to use assertive communication. It is possible that this person produces a feeling of nervousness or discomfort. That is why we must learn to manage all the emotions that may arise during the conflict. It is important to respond with correction and do not lose the papers.

If on the contrary, we identify an answer that affirms our arguments, or we reach a common point, we will have reached the end of the conflict. Learning from these situations will make us wiser and develop our emotional intelligence. Applying everything learned during past discussions will be beneficial so as not to make communicative mistakes again and resolve, every day better, the conflicts that life raises us.

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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