How to manage conflicts effectively

Content

• The conflict
• Attitude
• The importance of assertive communication
• I win, you want
  • Bibliographic references

The conflict

People need to relate socially because that makes us feel attachment to other people and, therefore, feel accompanied, safe, appreciated and valuable. Those feelings trigger positive emotions that generate psychological and emotional well -being in us. Although not always so. Sometimes It is statistically normal that we find difficulties in those relationships that even trigger conflicts with other people.

The conflict is a process triggered by the personal perception that someone or others has affected or is about to affect the achievement of personal objectives or interests. It is often accompanied by criticism as reproach before our frustration (Coronado-Hijón, 2021).

Attitude

Attitude is the way we behave or face our vital circumstances. These can be more or less effective in the results we want.

As there is nothing absolute in our lives, too Attitudes fluctuate between one end pessimistic Based on our own irrational absolutist beliefs contained in thoughts that what happens to us is horrible and we will not be able to face it if it does not happen according to our expectations and on the other hand, The beliefs closest to the pole optimistic.

As explained in the book, Resilience; How to overcome pressures and psychosocial adversity (Coronado-Hijón, 2021), is from an approach and optimistic expectation on the final result of the conflict, from where we can start from more rational and real thoughts, based on the facts that Even from conflicts we can learn. That is why An optimistic and hopeful approach to conflicts helps us:

• Help to Define and make us aware of problems instead of avoiding them.
• You can give us a contrast of ourselves and make us detect personal areas of improvement.
• Surpassing them we are learning and developing greater competition in its management, through experience.
• We can take advantage of them for Foster our creativity
• It is an opportunity to Improve the way of communicating and interacting, practicing assertiveness communication.

Someone reading this will say that Conflicts are unpleasant and what you really want is not to have them. Well, this is an example of denialism and avoidance of reality as presented to us and therefore, This attitude does not favor its effective coping.

Let's not forget that conflicts is natural in our lives and in statistical terms, normal.

Conflicts are so relevant in the lives of people and communities that in 1986 (International Year of Peace) The UN founded the Conflict Resolution Organization as performance of your program by La Paz. The objective of this organization is to develop, teach, implement and learn the knowledge necessary for conflict resolution and develop greater efficacy in the personal, professional and international area where they arise.

Recent research (Coleman, 2021; Lees & Cikara, 2021) on the so -called erroneous or unjustified polarization They find that the perceptions that we sometimes have about 'what the part contrary to us thinks in the conflict' are sometimes inaccurate in some aspects and too pessimistic, and that these Inexactures exacerbate conflict between people and/or groups.

The importance of assertive communication

For Improve the erroneous or unjustified polarization of our attitudes in the conflict it is necessary to adjust to reality, the meta-perception consisting of the trial we make about how our resolution attitudes are perceived by others. The evidence of recent investigations (Lees & Cikara, 2021) indicates that the correction of the inaccuracies of Metapercept is effective in reducing conflict between people and groups. Other people can offer us a contrast of complementary reality to our perception of facts and thus provide us with a much more adjusted understanding of events.

The attitude of avoiding conflicts, in addition to not solving them makes us feel more helpless and incapable of the challenges of our life, an issue by which our self -concept and our self -esteem decreases. As explained more widely in the book, Resilience; How to overcome pressures and psychosocial adversity (Coronado-Hijón, 2021), is the initiative and proactivity towards the resolution of the conflict the most successful attitude.

People who usually present anxiety about the possible negative assessment that other people can do to him, frequently respond to conflicts with Styles passive communicative To avoid conflict at the expense of their own rights.

Unlike people of submissive style, those who often display a Assertive style To face conflicting and stressful events, express accurately without offending anyone, Their rights, feelings and their preferences and say clearly "no" when someone intends to insult, discredit, humiliate or manipulate them. They respect their legitimate rights to feel, prefer, reject, and even mistake, And they make others also respect him, not being submissive or aggressive or manipulative. In addition, they are insistent that inappropriate behavior towards them is corrected. These actions of respect and dignity make their self-esteem positive as well as their resulting self-concept, facilitating the experimentation of positive emotions and subjective well-being (Coronado-Hijón, 2021).

The meaning of assertiveness comes from the Latin word "Assertus", which means accurately affirming something. That is to say, assertiveness is therefore the ability or competence to affirm safely. This self -statement is based on respect and others, so differs from passive or aggressive styles and attitudes.

Based on Dorland's medical dictionary, we can define assertiveness as: "a style of behavior characterized by the affirmation of their own rights or the point of view of the person without aggressively threatening the rights of another or, on the contrary, submissively allow that another ignores or denies our rights or point of view ".

He passive communication style is the one that puts the rights of other people over their own, Meanwhile he Aggressive communication style is the one that tries to put the rights over the rights of others forced. Neither of these two communication styles is assertive and therefore, nothing effective.

Some Aggressive style In conflict situations, behaving tough with others and through demands with rude and hostile attitude to achieve their objectives through the generation of negative emotions such as intimidation and fear in other people, they do not win much but lose enough. Although apparently, The aggressive communication style can show short -term consequences that seem favorable, in the long term this communicative style generates hatred and resentment In other people in their social context.

The people in which a Manipulative style They are the ones who try to achieve in other people what interests them, making them feel negative emotions of guilt or sorrow and sadness for them, through victimist attitudes. Nor is this communicative style the most effective since it often generates in other people, avoiding more or less explicit.

I win, you want

A conflict can be useful and helpful when the two parties gain something in their resolution. For this, the assertive communicative style is the most productive and satisfactory for both parties.

Look for the average meeting terms and the possible meeting points and the solutions in which both parties gain something, is the best resolution of a family, work or social conflict.

The best attitude towards a conflict of interest is the proactive and assertive towards its equitable resolution.

As said the first president of the Human Rights Commission, Eleanor Roosevelt:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent ".

And as the poet Antonio Machado wrote in one of his poems:

"Your truth? No the truth; And come with me to look for her."

Bibliographic references

• Coleman, p. T. (2021). The way out: How to Overcomo Toxic Polarization. Columbia University Press.
• Coronado-Hijón, A, (2021). Resilience; How to overcome pressures and psychosocial adversity. Editorial Universo de Letras (Grupo Planeta)
• Read, j., & Cikara, M. (2021). Understanding and Combating Misperceped Polarization. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, 376(1822).