How to stop being so spiteful

We can define resent as an unpleasant feeling, initiated by a dispute or by a disagreement with someone. When a person has hurt us, we can think that he deserves revenge or, if no more, we feel hate and resent. This is a protection mechanism to avoid feeling the pain that this wound has produced us. If we turn that unpleasant feeling and project it towards another person, we avoid feeling bad, but We channel the dislike and make it grudge.

This strategy is not considered the most effective to heal a wound. This is because it prevents us from living free by continuing to maintain that ties of revenge and resentment. If you want to know How to stop being so spiteful, In Psychology-online, we offer you this article with the best keys to lead a quieter life.

1. What is resent according to psychology?
2. Is it bad to be spiteful?
3. How to stop being vindictive and spiteful
4. Keys and strategies to avoid resentment

What is resent according to psychology?

It is likely that, sometimes, we will not be able to correctly identify this feeling. It is important Know how to define resentment To be able to find him and eliminate it.

According to psychology, we can describe resent as a set of unpleasant sensations, thoughts and ideas, persistent in time and directed towards a person (or group of people) specifically. These ideas may contain revenge plans, irrational hate, anguish for relating to the person who feels resentment and even intentions of aggression.

The causes of the grudge are multiple, but they are usually related to some made or comment that has fallen badly and that comes from another person. We channel all that discomfort in it and we are forming great resentment. That, if we do not communicate it correctly, the person involved is not even aware that he has done or said something bad. What is something unforgivable for us, for the other person it is perhaps nonsense and did not do it with bad intention.

Is it bad to be spiteful?

While it is true that we have all experienced feelings of resentment, there are people whose features and attitudes have Trend to resentment. They are usually insecure individuals, easily to feel injured and with little capacity to manage emotions. A grudging person can forgive, but he doesn't forget.

Projecting the grudge towards the couple, family or at work is not a pleasant, neither for us nor for those around us. Despite its initial purpose of protecting our self -esteem, resentment is not useful for us, it imprisons us and does not allow us to think clearly. Sometimes, we don't even know why we keep that feeling. It is important to obtain the right tools to know how to stop being so grudgy, in this way we can live free of unnecessary and unnecessary thoughts.

¿It can be avoided to be spiteful?

Although, as we have mentioned above, there are personality features with a tendency to resentment, we can all avoid that emotion. It is enough to identify the feeling, rationalize it and use a series of keys and strategies to little by little, Eliminate resentment.

How to stop being vindictive and spiteful

The first step to know How to stop being so spiteful And avoiding this feeling is identifying it. It is not so simple, since, many times, we believe that people towards whom we feel resentment deserve it. So, to identify resentment correctly, we will have to ask ourselves "¿Why do I feel hate towards this person?"¿What has made me?"

Once the feeling is detected, we can channel it away from the other individual. We must remember that the origin of resent is a bad emotional management strategy. Therefore, working our emotions through positive thoughts that move away resentment is a good tool. If we see it necessary, we can talk to the other individual involved to explain what has hurt or offended. In this way, we will prevent it from doing it again or, at least, we will have taken responsibility in the matter.

Finally, to eliminate resentment, we can use some keys to cognitive therapy. It is useful to ask ourselves to direct the feeling and question the origin of the resentment. If we are able to see the uselessness of continuing to be vindictive, we will end up letting the resentment move away from our thoughts.

An example of questioning of negative thoughts is the following:

• ¿What uses me to continue hating this person?
• ¿What can I fix in my life with this feeling?
• ¿This grudge allows me to move on?

Keys and strategies to avoid resentment

• Learn to forgive: If we continue to think that the person who damaged us did it on purpose, it is time to learn to forgive. If it turns out that this individual has the need to harm other people, it may be because it is unable to deal with their own personal problems. In that case, we must avoid conflicts with that person and get away from her.
• Let go: It is important to avoid unnecessary problems in our life. It is true that conflicts can be valuable learning, but grudge usually involves dragging an unpleasant feeling. For this reason, an intelligent decision is to let it go and follow our lives in search of personal happiness.
• Transforms guilt into responsibilities: The guilt is a feeling related to the load, we cannot do anything with it except to drag it. Instead, responsibility is worked. If instead of blaming someone for their actions, we take responsibility and talk to that person, we will be giving someone a chance to improve and, thus, we will avoid resentment.
• Practice assertive communication: In the event that we decide to talk to the person for whom we feel resentment, we must do it in the best possible way. Although there are many communicative styles, the best strategy will be to learn to be assertive.
• POSITIVE POSITIVE THOUGHT: This strategy is based on replacing a negative thought with the positive version of this. For example, we can change the "This person is bad, has hurt me and deserves the worst" by "This person perhaps did not want to hurt me, anyway, it has been a long time and does not have to matter".

After a learning process, and with the proper practice of these tips, we can Develop our temperament To stop being so grudgy. All people have the opportunity to evolve. Eliminate this type of feelings so unpleasant should be the process of everyone who wants to improve in their way of relating to others and with themselves.

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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