How to act with a manipulative couple

Some people turn to manipulation tactics to control their relationships and use their partner for their benefit. In these cases, the manipulator or manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power to meet their needs, without empathizing with the person who suffers it. This type of abuse is not very explicit and can doubt the person who suffers from his own reality and perception of the world.

For example, you can cause you to ask yourself if you have the right to feel how you feel, if your memories were exactly as you remember, if you are exaggerating when something hurts you, etc. If you feel identified with any of these situations, in the following Psychology-online article we explain to you How to act with a manipulative couple.

1. Know your rights
2. Identify manipulation
3. Do not blame yourself
4. Communicate with your partner
5. Change the focus to the manipulator
6. Look at your reaction
7. Use time in your favor
8. Establish limits
9. Free

Know your rights

First, both in a relationship and in any other type of interaction with other people, it is essential to know your rights to have decent treatment and remember that you have the power and moral authority to declare that it is you and not your partner Who is in charge of your life. Remember that you are entitled to the following:

• Be treated with I respect.
• Can express your feelings, opinions and desires.
• Be able to Establish your own priorities.
• Opine differently from others.
• Say no" Without feeling guilty.
• Protect from being threatened physically, emotionally.
• Create one Happy and Healthy Life.

These rights, among others, are collected by the United Nations General Assembly and are approved and proclaimed in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights^[1]. Unfortunately, our society is full of people who do not respect them, but that does not imply that their actions are justified or have to consent to them.

Identify manipulation

Some manipulative couples disguise their behaviors under false protection and/or love. However, real love takes into account the other person and does not seek damage to obtain a benefit. On the contrary, a manipulative person acts according to their interests and It will make you feel discomfort, guilt, and even fear If you don't get what you want.

For all these reasons, it is very important to identify if you are being a victim of emotional manipulation and take into account that this is not Love. To do so, we recommend you consult this article about what an emotional manipulator, features and how to recognize it is.

A study published in The Journal of Sexual Aggression^[2] It suggests that manipulators share some common personality traits, such as being emotionally inaccessible, retracted, irresponsible, impulsive, distracted and lacking common sense and self -consciousness.

Signals from a manipulative couple

¿How a manipulative couple acts? Often, the tactics and words of a manipulator:

• Invalidate your feelings: "you're overreacting".
• Devaluate your value: "you're stupid".
• Deny reality: "¿You are sure that this has happened? Sometimes you don't know well about things ".
• Blame for your actions: "Do not get angry for meaningless things".
• Want to know where you are at all times: For example, you need to be communicated 24/7 with you.
• Victimize: "I get like that because you have made me angry".

If you want to know more about this, in the following article you will find more information about different psychological manipulation techniques.

Do not blame yourself

Manipulative people often detect those people with complacency tendencies to remain liabilities and obedient. In this way, because the manipulation is based on taking advantage of the vulnerability of the other, it is understandable that you feel inappropriate, or even that you blame yourself for not satisfying all your partner's demands.

In these situations, it is important to remember that The problem is not you, but they are manipulating you so that you feel bad about yourself and it is more likely to act in the manner that suits the manipulator. Consider your relationship with your partner and Get the following questions:

• ¿He is treating me with respect?
• ¿The expectations and demands of my partner are reasonable?
• ¿The relationship is reciprocal? ¿What is asked is equivalent to what I receive?
• ¿I feel good about myself in this relationship?

The answers you get from these questions will give you important clues about the state of your relationship.

Communicate with your partner

Once you identify those manipulative behaviors, it is important communicate with your partner about how your behavior affects you. If you do not, you could reinforce this way of acting, without your partner having arguments to change, and perpetuating their actions in time.

Remember that in a healthy relationship you should not be afraid to expose aspects that bother you, since this is precisely what builds a healthy relationship, to the extent that the two parties feel comfortable and work together in the same direction.

What to do when your partner manipulates you

Next, we explain some techniques to communicate your feelings effectively to a manipulative person:

• If your partner tries to convince you of a lie, You can say: “We remember what happened differently. Your memories do not have to invalidate mine ".
• If your partner tells you how you should or should not feel, You can express: “You have a way of living your emotions and I have others. There is no better or worse form. My feelings are valid and not wrong. Please respect the way we feel ".
• If it is a tense conversation And there is a possibility that the conflict scales, you can present: “I do not know where this conversation is directed. Let's take up this later when we both have a clearer mind ”.

If your partner is acting in a manipulative way, there is the possibility that he is not aware of the damage that their behaviors produce (of course, it can also be intentionally). For this reason, Communication is key To realize your actions.

Change the focus to the manipulator

Manipulators usually resort to requests or demands to meet their needs that, in many cases, are usually unreasonable. In these cases, a very useful way to handle this situation is change the focus, of the person to whom the inadmissible request to which he performs it is directed. In this way, we get focus attention on the manipulator or through some questions to tantage your position and see if you are aware of what you are asking you.

For example, you can ask "¿This seems reasonable?","¿It seems just what you are asking me?","¿My opinion is important for you?"Or" If I asked you for you for you, ¿You would do the same for me?". To ask these questions will be how to put the manipulation before the mirror and show the true nature of their demands.

Look at your reaction

¿What to do when your partner manipulates you? If you have a certain degree of self -awareness, you will realize that what you are asking for is not admissible, you will reflect on your actions and strive to direct the relationship in a positive direction. If you recognize your mistakes And it has the ability and intention to repair the damage, it is a good signal.

On the other hand, if you do not show empathy for you or care about your feelings, you probably do not listen to your questions, minimize your actions and continue to insist on "getting off your own". If you do not admit any failure in your actions, you do not see them as a problem and do not validate your feelings, then it is time to consider if it is the relationship is adequate for you.

Use time in your favor

In addition to the unreasonable requests, often, manipulative people also expect a response from you immediately to maximize their pressure and control of the situation, or as a form of persuasion. Therefore, at that time, consider Take advantage of time in your favor and get away Instead of responding to your partner's application for your manipulative.

Taking distance will help you take awareness and respond more reflectively and slowly. Take the time you need to evaluate the pros and cons of a situation. Think if it is possible to reach a more equitable agreement with your partner or if the best is to say "no".

Establish limits

In relation to the previous section, the ability to establish limits is one of the most important skills to create and maintain healthy relationships. It is not about imposing your position, but Recognize your emotions, give them space and validity and seek empathy and compression by the other person.

If your partner has behaviors with you that hurt you, it is important that you let him know what is tolerable and what is not, being as specific as possible in what bothers you and why. For example, you can tell you not to speak derogatoryly when you forget something.

In every relationship it is important know what red lines cannot be transferred, which includes the use of certain harmful words and behaviors, treating the person with contempt, destructive criticisms, etc. Therefore, if your partner is not willing to change despite your assertive requests, and it behaves abusively without intention to renounce or rectify the behaviors that hurt you, it is time to say "no".

Free

¿How to act with a manipulative couple? Be able to say no" With education and firmness it is a way of communicating assertively that allows you to defend yourself when you are treated unfairly. Remember that your fundamental human rights include the right to establish your own priorities, the right to say "no" without feeling guilty and choosing to live a happy and healthy life.

Therefore, when a psychological manipulator insists on transferring your limits and does not accept a "no" in response, the best thing for you will be get rid of the abusive relationship. This will help you realize that there are more possibilities outside this relationship and that you don't have to stay with that person if you are hurting you.

This article is merely informative, in psychology-online we have no power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to How to act with a manipulative couple, We recommend that you enter our category of violence in the couple.

1. Declaration of Human Rights, D. OR. (2003). Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Obtained from http: // www. APRODEH. org. pe.
2. Miano, p., Bellomare, m., & Genova, V. G. (2021). Personality Corlates of Gaslighting Behaviours in Young Adults. Journal of Sexual Aggression, 27 (3), 285-298.