Absence of sexual desire and how to recover it

Not having sex is not a problem if both members of the couple are happy and made. Becomes A problem when one of the two is frustrated.

Contrary to what one might think, This problem affects both men and women and all ages. What differs is the reaction of men and women before a spouse who refuses to have sex.

When it is the women who complain, they do not find them normal for their men to still want because There is this stereotype according to which men are necessarily sex search engines And that in them sexuality is mechanical. A woman not wanting to make love seems to be more 'common'. Unfortunately, there are still too many clichés about the sexuality of men and women.

Content

• Don't feel guilty
• Discard any medical problem
• Solutions to rebalance desire in the couple
  • 1. Rediscovers intimate moments for two
  • 2. Listening to others
  • 3. Express emotions to others
  • 4. Maintain a certain form of tenderness daily
  • 5. Show your wish ... without acting
  • 6. Talk about sex when it goes wrong and when it goes well
  • 7. Work on your own perception of sexuality

Don't feel guilty

When you blame the other for his lack of libido and feel frustration, the first thing you should do is talk about it with your partner and above all Do not feel guilty. People who face this problem tend to think 'is my fault', 'He / she doesn't want because he no longer loves me', 'I couldn't satisfy him, he / she was to look the other way. "It may happen that there is someone else, but when they come to consult in a couple it is to fix things," says Marie-Line Urbain, sexual therapist.

If the situation becomes difficult for one or the other and communication fails to solve the problem, it is better not to wait to consult a specialist. Because The more anchored the sexual departure is, the longer the work will be.

Discard any medical problem

The first thing to do is rule out any medical problem. When questioning couples, the sexual therapist can identify a health problem responsible for the decrease in libido. This could be:

• A depression. Sex therapists can help depressed people recover desire, but sometimes they need an additional pharmacological treatment, hence the need to see a doctor.
• A disease such as diabetes or arterial hypertension, that can reduce sexual desire.
• Certain pharmacological treatments.
• Thyroid hormonal imbalance.
• A sudden testosterone fall In a very athletic man who has stopped doing sports (due to an injury or other health problem). Large athletes produce a lot of testosterone, a hormone that stimulates libido. When they suddenly stop, the rate descends and becomes too low. But this is weird. This represents about 3% of cases of reduction of sexual desire.

After leaving aside any medical problem, the sexual therapist must Determine the psychological origin of the Libido difference In the couple. "First we must see if it is a couple problem or an individual problem," explains Marie-Lise Urbain. When it comes to a couple problem that has been established over the years, there are several solutions to the "synchronization" problems of desire.

Solutions to rebalance desire in the couple

1. Rediscovers intimate moments for two

The passion of the beginnings was gradually extinguished, The routine settled, The children arrived. A love relationship continuously maintains. The passage of time can sometimes interfere with sexual desire. As the relationship progresses over time, passion weakens and we notice more the faults of the other. It is important to do everything possible to 're -admire' to the other. If the intimate moments for two are increasingly rare, do not hesitate to program them. Although we are parents, the role of lovers should never be lost.

2. Listening to others

Please the other, Take the time to listen and advise it maintains links, complicity and indirectly desire. I always recommend that my patients spend quality time together. It implies moments of sharing, not moments when each one is nailed to their mobile phone.

3. Express emotions to others

Who pushes the other in lack of libido has its reasons. Sometimes, problems at work or other discomfort can be the cause. Express your emotions to the other allows you to release your anger and bad mood and move on. The partner can listen to the complaints but do not have to endure them through a behavior that is harmful to their relationship.

4. Maintain a certain form of tenderness daily

Tenderness comes through touch. Unfortunately, in some couples, touch necessarily equals sex. "We come to this type of repulsive phrase: 'As soon as you touch me, it is for sex as a result, the one who is asking dare to no longer try anything and the other always captures this moment in which he will have to say. no ”, observe the specialist. In order not to get there, a couple should know. A hand behind the back when you are watching a movie, a kiss on the neck when the other is cooking, they are small tender touches that are not invitations to sex but encourage desire. "The less we touch each other, the more we move away physically and emotionally" warns Marie-Lise Urbain.

5. Show your wish ... without acting

Sometimes, the problem can come from the inability to show the other person their sexual desire in a subtle or playful way. it's possible Show your wish without words, it can be very exciting. Show us that we love each other Small and discreet gestures increase desire, Especially when the demand is done in places where it is impossible to make love (during a dinner with friends, a shopping session ...).

Sexuality is a game between adults. Do not hesitate to differentiate yourself from everyday life and represent papers. Many do not assume their own desires and do not dare to show their fantasies. Refraining from taking a role in the demonstration of your sexual desires is not giving the opportunity to want and make others love you.

A small advice, look for a code name so as not to awaken the suspicions of those around you when you want to tell your other half that you want it.

Once again, stereotypes are difficult to demonstrate by demonstrating sexual desire. Women often tend to believe that they will be badly seen if they show and express their fantasies to their partner. As for men, some are also afraid of being judged. Finally, blockages of their own image can be transported to bed inhibiting relationships.

6. Talk about sex when it goes wrong and when it goes well

Talking about sex when things are going wrong is the first step to find a solution to the problem. But what we don't do enough is talking about sex when everything goes well. Remember intense intimate moments, joke about funny situations, tell the other what we liked or not after a sexual relationship, they allow feeding the link in the couple and want to start again.

7. Work on your own perception of sexuality

In recent couples, Blocks are more individual, sometimes linked to cultural or religious beliefs. Many times we live a sexuality for the other, we dare not let go, says Marie-Line Urbain. In this case, it is necessary to work in depth with the person on their own perception of sexuality, a latest sexual education that requires professional help.