Defensive attitude how to control it

"We were having a normal conversation when, suddenly, it began to recriminate things from the past.". "I don't know why he is always defensive, I can't address him without being treated as if he were attacking him.". "It is not the first time that happens, when I approach I do nothing but look distrustful, it is as if I had done something".

Any of these attitudes resonate? All of them are an example of defensive reactions, an unconscious and maladaptive response that some people have when they perceive an attack.

In this article we will talk about the defensive attitude, what it is, its possible causes and how to manage it to maintain better relationships with ourselves and the others. If you think you can become a person who reacts in this way, keep reading. We will tell you how to solve it.

Content

• What implies "having a defensive attitude"?
  • Signs that a person is on the defensive
• Why do we turn to the defensive attitude?
• How to reverse it?
  • Bibliographic resources

What implies "having a defensive attitude"?

Being defensive or having a defensive attitude is a way of responding (unconsciously) to what we perceive as an attack. We protect ourselves from what we believe can harm us.

This attitude not only implies verbal responses, but also means responding bodily. What does this imply? That when we are on the defensive, All our actions is transformed with the purpose of giving counterattack to what we believe is damaging us. We get tense, rigid, we direct distrust looks. Anyway, see you uncomfortable, because we feel that way. As you can evaluate, if we are on the defensive we make it notice.

This change in attitude may involve important disadvantages. Usually, When we get defensive, we are reacting to a danger that is not such. That is, we feel attacked when, in reality, no one has done it, or the intention of the person who "attacked us" was not that. It implies a subjective vision of a situation, and can bring us great disadvantages since we could respond badly to people who do not deserve it.

Signs that a person is on the defensive

Usually, when someone is on the defensive, he does not know that he is taking this kind of attitude. When they perceive an attack, they are planted in a certain way before it. Here we will describe some of the most common signs that show that someone is on the defensive:

• Particular body language. Someone defensive, will respond with the body. You will put your eyes blank, cross your arms, you will be distrustful, you will tension your muscles, among other attitudes of stiffness more.
• Ignore the other person. It is common for someone defensive to ignore who attacks it, is an avoidance strategy. It is also common that, after an "attack", they put excuses not to run into that person who, they perceived, previously attacked them.
• It is common for someone to the defensive, end Answer attacking those who feel they attacked them first. If they feel attacked, they will commonly respond with an aggression.
• Denial. If they are accused of something they do not want. They will be separated at all costs of responsibility.
• Topic change. By feeling attacked, who is on the defensive will try to divert the conversation. An effective way to do so is deviating conversation.

Do these attitudes seem familiar? Do you think you can be using them when you feel attacked? Do not worry, the purpose of this article is to help you manage these reactions, so you can change your perception and release the tension that invades you when you feel attacked.

Denial: a destructive type of defense mechanism

Why do we turn to the defensive attitude?

If you have recognized that you have had a defensive attitude towards others, we will explain why this happens. And, later, we will see how to manage it to reverse it.

The defensive attitude is nothing more than an answer to feelings of insecurity. We feel attacked, we notice insecure, and we do not want to show those feelings to others. That is why we planted rigidly, to try to create a false sense of security.

It is common for those with social anxiety to behave in this way. Being surrounded by people generates discomfort, so the defense reaction is regular to avoid it.

Sometimes this attitude is presented as an inherited or learned behavior. If we grew up in an environment where adults who raised us reacted in this way by perceiving a possible attack, we are likely to also adopt this position, such as an inherited or learned behavior.

The memory of a traumatic situation can also be the cause of this kind of reaction. If we have lived a similar situation that has traumatized or made feeling bad in the past, we will try to defend ourselves. Adopting a defensive attitude can be one of those strategies.

This reaction can also be consequence of a situation that we do not want to recognize. If, in a conversation, we get to feel accused of something that does not proud or intend to forget, we can put ourselves defensive, as an attempt to avoid recognizing what happened and separated from responsibility.

How to reverse it?

As we see, the defensive attitude can be caused by multiple situations. With her We try to give a non -existent security image, But we fall into treating people who may not deserve it, Without solving the root problem. It is possible to stop resorting to the mechanism of defensive attitude. We assure you, it will not be an easy task, but with these tips you can achieve it.

The main thing will be to try to perceive external situations objectively. When we feel attacked, let's think: “Was it really with the intention of hurting me or was it just my own perception?". Most likely there are other explanations, and that the intention of the person with whom we had a conversation has not truly be to attack them.

In case we have been attacked, we must take A moment to reflect whether it is really worth responding to aggression. Sometimes, we spend energy in counterattack, that we distress ourselves in an excessive way without fixing anything at that time, since we stop thinking clearly. Finding other strategies could be useful to avoid falling into discussions that affect our emotional state. For example, do not answer to avoid the following discussion understanding that it is not worth doing, or understanding who has assaulted us from another point.

What is assertive? The importance of assertive communication

To avoid these reactions, it is necessary to strengthen our self -esteem and the concept we have of ourselves. Being clear who we are and valuing we can objectively manage these situations from another side, strengthening our security.

We hope that this article has been useful and that with it they can identify those situations in which they act unnecessarily to the defensive. Working your self -esteem and personal security You will see that they can easily leave behind insecurity. Objectively positioning will perceive what other people tell them in a different way and will gain quality of life.

Bibliographic resources

• Gibb, j. R. (1961). Defensive Communication. Journal of Communication, 11 (3), 141-148.
• Grace, j. C. L. (nineteen ninety five). Self-esteem.
• Knight Lapinski, M., & Boster, F. J. (2001). Modeling the Ego-Defensive Function of Attitudes. Communication Monographs, 68 (3), 314-324.
• Rudman, l. TO., Dohn, m. C., & Fairchild, K. (2007). Implicit Self-East Compection: Automatic Threat Defense. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 93 (5), 798.
• Zeigler-Hill, v., Chadha, s., & Osterman, L. (2008). PSYCHOLOGICAL DEFENSE AND Self-MESTIS INSTABILITY: IS DEFENSE Style Associated With Unstable Self-Eastem?. Journal of Research in Personality, 42 (2), 348-364.